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Tuesday, right? Today looks like yesterday with these cloudy overcast dreary days. I'm OD'g on VitD and it still isn't helping me achieve cheerful.
Well, 210lb this morning but I'm not freaking out. Actually I'm kind of ambivalent about it as it's down from 211lb on Sunday. I have no idea of the 'why' and because of that I can't freak out and blame anything.
It did have me reflecting on past weight loss behavior - I've never weighed daily as I am now. I'd just gone by how jeans fit .. if they were looser, I'd lost.... and then weighed probably monthly at a doc's office to verify. Not really sure which direction I'm going to go on this ~ continue to weigh daily or move it up to weekly.
I was also reflecting on the 'ate less for a week & gained a pound' cause & effect. Surely one week of fewer calories shouldn't equate to a gain? All I know from this is should I ever truly achieve world domination my first order of the day will be to declare a law that any person full of cliche'd advice who quotes 'calories in, calories out' without the 'but results not guaranteed, this may not work 100% for everyone' will be tortured. Maybe have 10lb weights put on their hands so they can stop typing such nonsense.
Whenever I ask that on some of those very highly emotional posts ... 'why haven't *I* lost any weight in X weeks despite a XXthousand calorie deficit, THEN I get the 'well...it varies...' But I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't ask and just thinks it's 'them, what they're doing.' That's the benefit of being old and experienced. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
So what to do? I think I'm just going to stay the course, sit in the center of the wagon, record what I eat, try to keep the quantity under 1400cal a day, and eat what my BODY asks for. Try to get out of my own way.
For example, when I was trying to eat MORE calories, keep my RDI at 1500-1600 a day, I found myself casting about to find more high caloric but dense foods. Like peanut butter, hummus, etc. All good foods but I was forcing myself to eat when I wasn't hungry.
Then when I dropped my calories last week I still wasn't hungry but found myself still foraging at night to get 1200 cals and again, peanut butter & full fat cottage cheese at bedtime.
So I don't know - maybe the highcal but lowquantity items don't work for MY body. I've always been a 'more bang for the buck' kind of gal and maybe my body is doing the same. Give it 200 cals in 4 cups of vegs vs 200 cals in 2 tbsp of Peanut butter and it'll feel like it's being fed and not hold onto the food?
I'm done ~ other than breakfast, I'm going to eat when I feel like eating, skip it when I'm not. Record it all. See what happens. If I don't 'eat enough' and my metabolism drops, well, what can I say... after 40 years of nonsense I'd leave too.
If I stay at 210, so be it. I'd of course like to weigh less but I am pleased I don't weigh as much as I did because I'm able to move better, stand longer, have more energy and sleep better. I think as much as I've abused my body in the past 40 years that's pretty good. If I start gaining, I'll go see the doc and see if something else is going on. If I lose a pound a month - well - that puts me 1lb farther away from where I started. If I do ever lose all that I need to lose, hopefully I'll be a little bit wiser and keep it off.
That's the food & weight talk for the day.
As for the rest of what's going on in my life - Spring cannot get here soon enough for me. I sooooo wanted to buy plants on Sunday but fortunately the group Lowes had out for sale looked frost bit so I was able to exercise a little patient restraint. But I did buy a Palm and a Terrarium for inside. Named the Palm "Olive" (get it? PalmOlive) but haven't figured out a name for the Terrarium. Probably call it 'clone' as I plan to do that - make others homemade from those gallon size glass pickle jars I saved for no reason - now I have one.
No birds yet. Even bought a birdbath and put up the hummingbird feeders on Sunday. My cardinal has an identity crisis - think's its a Mockingbird as that's what it does - mocks me from the yard next door. No food over there. Just sits and squawks. I even held up the bag of bird seed and showed it the picture of the cardinal on the bag. Didn't fall for it. Oh well.
I have been reading 'Eat what you Love, Love what you Eat' but found myself blazing through it like a bag of pretzels. I'm going to start over again tonight because I think there are some things to be learned there. Especially the comparison of 'eating cycles' and having to acknowledge that I'm in a 'restrictive eating' cycle. Ok, no big news there. But according to the author, this keeps me too close to the 'over eating' cycle. I need to work on that.
Seems like there should be more to acknowledge after a three day journal absence but that's all I got ~
Bella
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210.0 lb
Lost so far: 75.0 lb.
Still to go: 30.0 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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Diet Calendar Entries for 05 February 2013:
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1270 kcal
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Fat: 44.41g | Prot: 96.75g | Carb: 128.44g.
Breakfast: Schwans Blueberry, Coconut Oil, Chobani Non Fat Yogurt, Coffee, Flax Seed, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal. Lunch: Turkey, Kraft Fat Free Mayo, Spinach, 100 cal tortilla. Dinner: Turkey, Spinach, Schwan Tortellini. Snacks/Other: President Brie, Oven Roasted Turkey John Morrell, Grapefruit. more...
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gaining 1.2 lb a week
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 Comments
Oh, Bella, your journal made me cry a little...maybe I'm just feeling emotional today, but it really struck a chord in me. I'm due for my weigh-in today, but I'm just not ready. I want to like what I see, and I'm afraid I won't...
05 Feb 13 by member: Baxie
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Aww Baxie - don't cry hon. It'll be fine. As long as we're doing what we're supposed to that's all we can do, right? Sure, it SHOULD equate to a loss but what are we supposed to do when it doesn't? Eventually it will, or it won't. I'm too tired to fight it right now. I haven't given up nor should you. I'm just saying there's more to acknowledge going on in my life (and yours) than the little red needle on the scale.
05 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
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HI there - hope this doesn't sound like a cliche and you want to kill me but...GOOGLE an article titled, "Why the Scale Lies" and it may help you feel better. It always helps me.
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You rock Bella!!! Listening to your body, feeding it when it's hungry, skipping meals when it's not, is how naturally thin ppl eat. I have a thin husband (when we stand together we look like a 10) and this is how he always eats. (31 years and counting) So simple and yet... not. Take care Friend.
05 Feb 13 by member: teskandar
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A change in routine seems to make my weight bounce about, as does any form of illness, even if I cry the scales show me gaining a pound in the morning. My DH who is so much more logical about such things, says that a 0.4 % fluctuation either way on a living breathing creature. Makes me get it sort of in perspective. I came to same conclusion about eating I know what I am eating is about as low as I am comfotable with at present and that in theory it should result in weight loss so I will continue with what I am doing and see what happens. When it comes to weighing, weigh when you want to but record weekly, is, I think the best way. How many journals have you read where people are stressing abot gaining 3lb on Monday then claiming they have lost 5lb Friday when if they only counted weights on a Friday they wouldn't have risked the depression leading to overeating on Monday and could have just been happy with a 2lb loss over the whole week.. So much of this is mind games.
05 Feb 13 by member: astrid a
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I am right there with you! I am a natural data monger - "more information, please!" I have found in my weight loss journey that numbers and information work against my emotions. I weigh myself every day (OK, not yesterday - I was too filled with self loathing) and then ponder the results. Did I have more salt? Did I eat too late? I realize how much a 16-ounce glass of water weighs - a pound (roughly - for the purists!). I always factor that in when I weigh. I resolved to enter each new low because that is what I am doing - losing weight. If I were gaining weight, I would record every high, since that would be my goal. During my time of plateaus and gains, I have asked why, just like you have. But I have resigned myself to look at more than just the scale when "measuring" my success. Do you remember when we could't tie our shoes without huffing and puffing? When we couldn't cross our legs? Bella that was just 6 months ago! We have come SO FAR! Whatever we are doing, it is working! I am right there with you - staying the course. I know that these next 10 - 20 pounds are going to be the hardest because they are the ones that I have held onto longer. They are the ones that defeated me before. On a final note - the groundhog predicted an early spring, so we don't have long to wait (teehee!). I can't wait!
06 Feb 13 by member: RiverRes
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I'm right with you on the whole scale, weight and what to do about it dilemma. I've decided to handle it much like I would a moral dilemma - just do what I know is right in my heart and let the chips fall where they may (and I don't mean potato chips!). The cardinals are still at least a couple of months away from arriving in my backyard. I don't feed them so perhaps that is why they hang around. Maybe they respond to indifference better than generosity ;)
06 Feb 13 by member: evelyn64
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Thanks everyone. At first I was confused thinking maybe I'd used the wrong word when I said I was ambivalent about the 1lb gain ~ but then I guess the things that followed read as if I were depressed. I'm not - just eerily calm about it. How very unBella-like of me, no? HC, thank you for the link and no, I don't want to kill anyone. I just want 'some' of the people on those forum posts to stop with the easy platitudes that would leave a younger less experienced with failure person here feeling like they need to starve to achieve the weight loss. I was mostly reflecting on the SCALE and whether to move it into another room (instead of 4 feet from the toilet) because it has become such a habit, just like reading nutrition labels beyond the cal & fat line (actually reading on into the ingredients), exercising on my treadmill and now adding a gazelle, and practicing being able to eyeball a portion size so I don't have to travel with a food scale. I was reflecting on how I'd began this 'time' with the idea to take it slow and sane and learn to do it right one last time and wondering if that daily scale was a good thing or a bad thing because like you, Astrid, I find myself doing calculus and chemistry in my head. 'Well, hmmm 12oz of coffee but I did void blah and then...' and it's all so silly (to me) and keeps me distracted from doing the work I really need to do which is learn to eat intuitively and what my body is asking for vs the smoke & mirrors I keep trying to do with it. Paula, absolutely, I do recognize how far both of us have come in less than six months. That's why I wrote 'if I stay at this weight, so be it, at least I'm not where I started.' And YES, early Spring... bring IT ON. Just make it a long one, I am not a fan of summer because I'm in the south & it just gets miserable around here. Evelyn, yep, let the chips fall and no, I don't want anyone who read this to think I posted the journal and ordered a pizza. I'm actually, oddly, weirdly, ironically, whatever you call it ... very content with healthy food. And the longer I consume it the more my 'tastes' change. Like when I first started this in Aug I was all about Yoplait regular yogurt then I found Chobani Greek Cherry but then even that began tasting 'too sweet' for me and I went to 'plain' and even THAT now tastes too processed and sweet so I found Fage and for now, that seems clean tasting and enjoyable. I'm going to stop stressing on the carbs in natural fruits and vegetables because I love fresh fruit & vegetables and if my body is asking for them, it's gonna get it. I was never a 'fried food' person and seriously cannot handle fast food so I'm happy. I'm sure I'll find a way to have a pizza some day because I still enjoy cheese, especially the President Lite Brie I found. Oh, and HC, I was reflecting how you so owed me a lecture even if my journal read to anyone that I was giving up :-) because I remember my 'don't give up' to you when you hit a wall a few months ago and said you were 'tired of the measuring and thinking about food.' So to clarify what I am doing, as Teri mentioned her husband does, I'm going to continue stocking my kitchen with good healthy food but stop forcing myself to eat it at a particular time. I'm going to eat when I'm hungry and by having it all around me and available I won't be vulnerable to sabotaging my healthy eating.
06 Feb 13 by member: FullaBella
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