glen's Journal, 18 January 2013

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with an old friend who I hadn't seen since last winter. He and his wife retired early after selling their trucking business close to the Canadian border in January 2012. The last time I saw him was March 2012 before our visit yesterday. He told me that his wife wasn't feeling right when they returned home from the desert in March. It took a few weeks before she could see a doctor. After some blood tests and a couple of MRI's it was discovered that she had colon cancer .... then lung cancer and cancer also found it's way to her brain. Tearfully, he told me the story of her death the end of May. He said that he lost a couple of months in a fog, living in denial because he couldn't believe that his spouse of 38 years was gone. He knew he needed help, and started attending a "grief support group". It was the week of his spouse's birthday (in October) that he started to have "dreams" or "visions" that were incredibly vivid. The first two dreams were of him and his spouse together. I don't recall the first, but the second dream had him sitting in his pickup with his spouse smooching (his words) while waitng for his father. His wife Mary, was a "forever dieter" ..... struggling to shed her "bigger size" which my friend said never bothered him. The third and last "dream/vision" was Mary (his spouse) standing in front of him in a beautiful white grown but she had this incredible smaller shape (he thought the shape that she always wanted to be). She was surrounded by three nuns with a bright shining light behind her. He told me that it was after this "dream" that he started to heal.
What I loved about this last dream was the gift of "seeing" his spouse the size "she" always wanted to be. I wonder if "we", who are part of this FS journey, are not secretly trying to expose to the world the skinny person we have hid behind this extra weight. And could it be that God is so "kind" that if we don't success in this world, we will in the next?

Diet Calendar Entries for 18 January 2013:
1427 kcal Fat: 48.06g | Prot: 70.94g | Carb: 98.25g.   Breakfast: Reduced-Fat Turkey Bacon, Cholesterol-Reduced-Fat Turkey Bacon, Cholesterol-Free Egg, Reduced-Fat White Cheddar Breakfast Sandwich. Lunch: Orange Shrimp Salad. Dinner: White Table Wine , Broccoli , Chicken Breast. Snacks/Other: Almonds. more...
2361 kcal Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 6 hours, Resting - 10 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet glen's own diet  

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What a touching story about your friend and his wife. But I take something different from the story, though - that we should strive to be happier in the skin we're in, no matter if it isn't the size we want to be. It would be sad to think that we could spend our whole lives never being happy with our bodies. A reward to be our perfect size in the afterlife? Perhaps. But a much greater reward to learn to love ourselves unconditionally in the here and now. I think so. 
18 Jan 13 by member: evelyn64
What a bittersweet story you shared about your friend. Very touching to me in particular ... since it frequently crosses my mind ... the question of how long I will have my beloved physically here with me given what the doctors are telling us. My body will NEVER be the "ideal" that I wish it would be. And so, while I do want to be a smaller size, less weight, I am continuously working on embracing the "warts" I have and being okay with myself, body, soul, mind, spirit. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. Losing joy in the here and now though because I am "unhappy" with myself is not acceptable. I don't want to lose now. I know I will lose my loved ones at some point. 
18 Jan 13 by member: madaboutmoose
Very touching story. Also sad and a reminder of how quickly we can lose our health and loved ones. I often wonder what those dreams mean. I'm not too worried about what my body looks like outwardly I'm more worried about the effects of aging and doing all I can to take care of myself as much as possible now. Oh and of course my heart needs all the TLC I can give it. Thanks for the reminder :) 
18 Jan 13 by member: lgrant59

     
 

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