Kildayan's Journal, 10 January 2013

Sometimes I sit and wonder, WHY is this so hard. I know what to do, I've been doing it, it should be easy right? No, It's not easy. Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself and I just think I'm going to say..forget it! It's not worth it, it's taking WAY to long to even notice a difference at all! I've lost 30 lbs and you would think I would feel something besides my shirt feeling a little loser (which I only noticed the first few weeks and nothing since). Weeks have been going by and still I look in the mirror and see very little change. It frustrates me to no end!

So today I had a talk with myself...yes, I'm a bit crazy, I know this ;) but I know this is my last shot at this and I'm not ready to quit or give up, not even a little bit! I'm going to stop my whining and move on... TRY try try (as Pink puts it) I think it's this week of audit (even though I enjoy it more because it's quiet) It's not what I'm used too. It's a huge change for me to work over night and sleep in the day. I miss my husband at night and I miss kissing my 8 yr old good night. It's just hard. This will be my third night and I have two more to go. This has been a bitter/sweet thing for me. I love it but yet I'm...I guess lonely is the word.

I'm going to put my best foot forward and I'm going to get through this slump like i have gotten through the last 8 weeks. My kids need me to be strong! I want to be there for them as long as I can! Especially when my little guy is only 8, I will NOT leave him without a mother. It would be selfish of me to give up. There are so many in this world who don't have any choice, who may be dying of cancer. I have a choice to better myself, I need to take advantage of that. Tonight will be another start of another GREAT 8 weeks! :D Weigh in is Sat and I'm positive I will have yet another loss to speak of!

I'm glad I had this little chat with myself because I was about to say "not now" I'm not ready. BUT I'm already in full swing and WHY would I just throw away 8 weeks that I REALLY worked my butt off for, just to "start again later".

One VERY good thing, still no soda :D I've controlled it at work (not like I even have to say that it's "controlled" anymore) I think I'm honestly over that part of my struggle and I thought that would be the toughest thing I would have to overcome. I really don't have to fight anymore to say no to that. It's the salty snacks that I want, those chips/salty snacks make me fight every day for what I want...every SINGLE day. I don't see THAT ever going least not in the near future :( I just have to keep fighting. I'm going to win this one!

Diet Calendar Entry for 10 January 2013:
1483 kcal Fat: 41.59g | Prot: 98.54g | Carb: 176.46g.   Breakfast: cheerios peanut butter, Skim Milk Kemps. Lunch: Subway Chicken on Flatbread, newmans own marinara. Dinner: sandwich thins, Hickory smoked turkey breast, Onions, mayo. Snacks/Other: cottage cheese, del monte fresh cut french style green beans, free range egg, kemps skim milk, slim fast bar. more...
on diet Kildayans own  


30 pounds in 8 weeks is terrific. It has taken me a year and half to lose 30 lbs. Your talk to self was great too, you can and will do this.  
10 Jan 13 by member: 2toofat
Thank you :D  
11 Jan 13 by member: Kildayan
Okay I am sorry I am late to this conversation. Kildayans you are a strong person and you will get through this week and you have done well so far. This is a battle you will fight every day for the rest of your life. One day at a time. You will have many people to lean on and struggle with and everyone will have slips and doubts, days they want to give up and days they don't want to get out of bed. But you won't give up and you will get out of bed. As for being a mom and doing this for your son, remember, you have to do this for you. You need to put you first this time and start learning that it is okay to do something for you~ I am here to listen my friend  
11 Jan 13 by member: tina10915


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