jsfantome's Journal, 10 January 2013

Finding myself (or coming to my senses) so to speak - has been one of the best things for me in months!!!

When you feel lost, alone, down, etc...it is so hard to get your emotional bearings. Negative thoughts breed negative thoughts. And it only got worse from there.

I was reading through some of my older journal entries, and realized I was trying. Trying to climb up out of my funk...but it was A LOT... and it was DIFFICULT.

I am so thankful that I am NOT alone. And that this site exists - where I can reassure myself... I am NOT alone. Not in this journey. Not in this life.

Of course there are always reasons. And I will one day need to complete the emotional process of dealing with each of them. But one step at a time. So far, I have begun to deal with the day to day emotions that want to draw me back in.

I am doing well food and exercise wise. But it is a battle. And something Triaby wrote made me realize - right now I am fighting hard to WIN! I don't want to give in again. I don't want to give UP again. Or just throw in the towel, or be that person who just doesn't give a rip!

I do care. I care about me.. and I care about you. (actually that is why I am even writing this journal.) Somedays are going to be hard. And while I haven't had to use this strategy recently... I know I will have to sooner or later... but sometimes, you do 'go off plan'.

It's that moment.. that moment when you feel like a 'failure' (even though your not..you're brain will try to tell you - you are) WHEN YOU HAVE TO FIGHT BACK!!! Accepting that you or I make a decision or a choice.. then recognizing it isn't the BEST choice for the 'set of goals' we have - just requires a new decision to get right back at it.

No condemnation. No internal abuse. No name calling or negativity required. Just an awareness - that 'one' slip - does not end the journey. When I gave up on myself... I let one thing, turn into two things, turn into who gives a rip... all because my mental state was weakened by stress and grief... and I couldn't fight back. I didn't have the strength on the inside, mentally, to fight. I just didn't care.

If you ever get there... please reach out. If only I had just come back here and been honest and told friends that I was struggling worse than when I weighed 205 lbs ... perhaps I wouldn't have climbed back so high. Perhaps the connection with others, and the support system - is the key - PARTICULARLY when things are hard!!! Yeah, it's all great when people are 'whoo hooing' you that you dropped a pound. And I am the queen of the WHOOO HOOO!!! Because I know it's a lot of work!

But I also NOW know that the support people need when they are hurting can make all the difference in whether they will stick around, and work through their stuff... to get the WIN!!!

I am a winner. And I will again, one day, be back at my goal weight. WOW!!! The things we learn in this journey!!!

Much Love.
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Comments 
Great journal and wonderful attitude! Whoohoo! 
10 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
Amen! 
10 Jan 13 by member: rockytu
thanks ladies, love you too!!! 
10 Jan 13 by member: jsfantome
Brilliant!!! So glad my words helped you a little on your way....now that you are your biggest supporter, you are going to do great :) 
10 Jan 13 by member: triaby
Thank you for that journal... I have really been struggling with so much and the only people that know are those on here... kinda crazy huh? But also I am so thankful to have the outlet. Love to ya girlie and thanks again for the uplifting journal! 
10 Jan 13 by member: thynes
One day at at time - sometimes that is all it takes. 
10 Jan 13 by member: BuffyBear
Wonderful journal, thank you. Definitely whoo hooo worthy. 
10 Jan 13 by member: crabby Kat
Woo hooo is good to see..and your are soo right..we need each other in the good and the bad..some days I only have my VF's here to talk to and let me tell ya..I appreciate all of you...so glad your doing well..and when your down and out...put it down..we are here for you girl....:O) 
10 Jan 13 by member: BHA
thanks so much guys... you're the best! 
10 Jan 13 by member: jsfantome
Paula, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about...that is where I have been for a year and a half. Am I all better now? Nope, but I am working on it and I am using the tools that helped me be successful in the time frame before the dark. Namely, low carb, weigh and measure EVERYTHING, talk, talk, talk to my hubby, pray a lot, and come to FS! These are the tools that worked before and they will work again. Hugs!!!! 
10 Jan 13 by member: ctlss
Couldn't agree more! For me the combination of journaling my thoughts and the support of my buddies makes a huge difference in life for me. Every time I have gained I have been absent. Absent from here, absent from my scale, and ready absent from myself.  
10 Jan 13 by member: madaboutmoose
Great journal and could not agree more! 
10 Jan 13 by member: jaime30024
Wonderful journal entry!! 
10 Jan 13 by member: Sandy701
Fab journal.... And yes, this site is great... The support you get is awesome :-) 
10 Jan 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
I agree. The only people i have on this journey with me are my FS friends. I am so thankful for all of them. :) 
10 Jan 13 by member: iamachristianjesusfreak

     
 

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