wichitaks's Journal, 28 December 2012

So up 1lb, BUT it is also ttom so I am not upset about it. I worked out for a 40 minutes last night then went out for drinks with a friend. I had the Skinnybee Margarita that was only 100 calories. and I had LOTS of celery and fat free Ranch dressing instead of doing our usual Spinnach and Artichoke dip (HOLY COW do you know how many calories is in that I do not and i will NEVER order it again)
She got Steak Quesadilla towers and I had 1 (125 calories) and worth every calorie.
Over Christmas I did mostly good with food choices. I even served pies but did not have any on the 24th AND the 25th. On the 22nd at my dad's christmas I did have one small piece of sugar free pumpkin pie with fat free cool whip and one oreo. I even made Chocolate fudge cupcakes with white whipped frosting and made them look like snowmen and I didn't have a single one of them. After I arranged them there was two left over that did not fit on the plate. I frosted one and gave it to my husband and the other one was put in the trash along with the left over frosting. I did lick the knife after I was done frosting them though. It was yummy.
I have done a lot of heart and sole searching. I have decided it is ok to not have what I want, It is ok to want more, it is ok to crave something but I don't have to give into that craving/want/desire.
BUT I also learned occassionally and in small quantities you can give in and NOT have guilt as long as you plan for it. I also learned that if I am going to plan for it then feel guilty the entire time I am eating it I should not waste the calories so unless I can honestly say as I am putting the food in my mouth that I will not feel guilt as soon as I swallow it then I will have it. BUT if I am sure I will feel guilty after I will not allow myself to have it because the guilt is not worth it.
With the pumpkin pie for example. I LOVE pumpkin pie. I had a small piece (120 calories) and I had 2TBSP of fat free cool whip (measured out not guessed for 15 calories) I took very small bites and enjoyed every bite of it and I don't feel guilty about it at all. The oreo I actually only had the outside cookie part because I gave the filling to my dad.

When I was at my moms house I served myself a piece of Cherry cheesecake drizzled with chocolate sauce without thinking. Then I thought about what I had already that day and knew I was on the high side of my calories (1450) and I decided YES I wanted it but NO I did not want it enough to add 350 calories for one piece of cheesecake. I turned around and handed the cake to my uncle and told him I made a plate for him then continued serving everyone else their pies then I boxed the pies up and put them back in the fridge so they would not be sitting out staring at me while we played cards the rest of the night and I was OK with that.

I remember there were times when I would stare at something and NOT be ok that I was not allowing myself to have it I would get frustrated and angry and how stupid is that. How stupid is it that I would allow myself to be affected that much because I was not allowing myself to put junk food in my mouth. How sick am I that I am so addicted to food if I did not get that food I was in a bad mood and I have even cried before.

I think i have turned over a leaf. I think I am in the process of breaking my food addiction. It is hard. It is really hard but day by day I am working on it.
I know there are a lot of foods that habit tells me I want like corn dogs, or pies, or fried foods, BUT i know I don't need them and when I look at the reality of what I want to put in my body the desire for them kinda goes away. I think is 300 calories for the corndog worth 45 mintues on the eliptical? Or is the fried food worth the result on my cholesterol, Or the sugar in the cake worth the possible spike in blood sugar. Is it worth it. I know sometimes the answer will be yes but I know when I look at food like that I don't have the desire anymore.
231.0 lb Lost so far: 12.0 lb.    Still to go: 56.0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.

Diet Calendar Entry for 28 December 2012:
1147 kcal Fat: 47.45g | Prot: 44.14g | Carb: 136.25g.   Breakfast: low sugar grape jelly, 45 calories, jif naturals. Lunch: campbells chunky vegetable beef. Dinner: jambalaya, johnsonville new orleans. Snacks/Other: cashew, almonds. more...
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Eating in restuarnts is so tricky, you would think that spinach and artichoke dip would be a good choice but they add all that yummy fat to it and the calories go way up. I like the way you have thought your way through this food addiction. I'll have to give that a try as I have been struggling these past few months. 
28 Dec 12 by member: fatoldlady

     
 

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