phibs's Journal, 12 December 2012

I'm reaching a strange mental obstacle that I've experienced before, I don't know if its something that anyone else has felt. On my most successful gym/diet period a few years ago, where I stayed self disciplined for at least 6 months and lost loads of weight, the more disciplined I was the more I hated everything I was doing. I went to the gym almost every day, often getting there first thing, but instead of looking forward to it as stress relief or a healthy activity I just deeply resented the feeling of 'having' to go. I tried changing to swimming to simply maintain my weight loss, but the same feeling of obligation remained and eventually I gave up altogether.

I was reminded of that feeling this morning. Even though my scales showed me that I'd lost 1.6lbs, which of course I should be delighted about, all I could think of was the fact that I 'had' to go swimming. Its not even that I hate the gym or swimming that much (although sometimes I do!), I just hate it having to be a part of your daily routine. It feels like such a childish reaction to a bit of self discipline, but it really poisons my outlook on the future - that if I stick to this diet, I 'have' to stick to exercising regularly and I 'have' to stick to self control. I know I need to change my attitude and thinking on this, but its hard to know how!
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I have been doing it for a year now, and I know exactly what you are talking about. the whole part of you "have to" kills me. sometimes I feel like I want to let the whole thing go, specially because this is a new territory, I was always slim and did not have to do any diet. Sometimes it help to reduce the activity which bothers you, or quite it altogether for a short time, give yourself a short break of like a week.try not to feel guilty about missing a session, that is where feeling of obligation comes from. remember the whole thing is about making you happy, if you can arrange a walking session with a friend every week instead of gym or swimming, chit chat helps :) If you have a dog, take her/him out, run and play with her. its fun and you will get some exercise as well. Hope this helps, just know that you are not alone. 
12 Dec 12 by member: Nitara
I find it hard not to resent people who eat everything they want and exercise because they enjoy it, are fit and healthy and never think about diets & food diaries. I have never been one of those people and I accept that I never will be. As I get older I have seen that there is no point to a long life if you are miserable, sick and in pain. To avoid that I MUST take care of myself, eat right and yes, exercise. Some days I do well, others not so much, but every morning I wake up with a new opportunity to treat myself well. Do the best you can. Walk around the block and enjoy the christmas lights. That counts as exercise too. :) 
12 Dec 12 by member: teskandar
I'm all too familiar with this feeling. Now whenever I feel this way I hit myself with a double whammy of shame and guilt. I look back at the nudie pics I took of myself when I started and really think of how miserable I was at that point and that this began with a 'want' not a 'have to'. If that isn't enough to remind myself that I want exercise and healthy eating to be important in my life then I go back and read some of my earlier fatsecret posts. It inspires me not to disappoint myself and reminds me that I am really not ok with being the fattest person in the room. I'm not suggesting this is an entirely healthy way of keeping on track but it is what is working for me.  
12 Dec 12 by member: amandawl
I just got to the point where I know I have to watch what I eat and exercise in order to keep my weight off and live a healthy life for the rest of my life. I think it's about finding a balance. You don't have to go to the gym every day. Four times a week might be a good compromise for you. Switch up your exercise and find things you enjoy. Even putting on a pedometer and aiming for 10,000 steps a day is a good thing. Let yourself a treats now and again. You have to be able to live while you lose weight and enjoy life. There's a book called "Becks Diet Solution" which focuses on behavior issues with weight loss. Check out reviews on Amazon to see if it's something that might help you. 
12 Dec 12 by member: Suzi161
Thank you all for the helpful comments and suggestions, its definitely good knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with this! I just get so frustrated with myself for making something that should be positive into such a big deal. And then its hard to decide whether giving yourself a day off is a healthy , balanced thing or just being weak and taking the first step towards giving up! I think I'm too much of an all or nothing person but its so hard finding that good balance and staying there rather than going down a slippery slope. Amandawl and teskandar, I agree that reminding yourself why you're doing it and what happens when you don't is a good motivation, sometimes I do forget to think about the whys behind it and just focus on resenting the routine! And Nitara, its great to know that someone who feels so similarly about it to me is able to give themselves time off and still return to it instead of stopping altogether! Thanks for the book recommendation Suzi161, I will definitely look it up! 
12 Dec 12 by member: phibs
The reason I suck at exercising is that I keep arguing with myself instead of actually doing it. I am an EXPERT in convincing myself to skip - and I know myself better than anyone else, so I know what to say! lol. It's a tough one to get around. I hope you find something you enjoy, or a solution to the hate.  
13 Dec 12 by member: kingkeld
iI understand how you fell! I hate the gym and currently don't even have a membership. I work out an avg of 3 times a week and I am still losing about 2lbs a week. I try walk as mush as i can every day by parking far from stores, taking the stairs, or just taking a quick 20min walk around my neighborhood. I get my cardio in by doing wii zoomba, playing wii sports with my kids or doing a 20 min Jillian video. This keeps me from getting bored or feeling like exercise is a chore. Try different things each week, it doesn't have be going to the gym. It might also be helpful to know that the body needs 24hrs to recover from strenuous exercise, so going to the gym everyday is not necessary to maintain a healthy life style. You might try going only three times a week and increasing your intensity on those days. The rest of the days, find ways to be more active then usual. THis is just my take on exercise and what is working for me. Hope you find it useful in some way, if nothing else, know you're not alone in your struggle. Good luck! 
13 Dec 12 by member: czalma
I totally relate to your struggles and also really relate to everything everyone else has posted. I also battle the "have tos" and have to remind myself that I have gained every bit of weight back that I have ever lost, and I'm 40 years old. I just can't deal with the thought of doing it all over again. I don't want to give up, and I don't know what is harder - the self discipline with eating, or the self discipline with exercise. I have gotten to the point where I don't hate exercise, but every time I run, I think to myself "I can't really do this today. Maybe I'll just jog a mile." Then I get into it, but I'm still thinking "Maybe I'll just jog 2 miles, that's a lot, 2 miles, that should be enough if I don't really want to finish." I had that very battle, struggle, bargaining with myself today, and I managed to finish my 4 mile run. I have had those feelings throughout this entire process of dieting and exercising and running. When I started running, I could only run a minute at a time. It took me 7 months to be able to run a mile without stopping. I was running about 4 times a week, and it was really hard. Now I run 3 times a week, and that seems manageable. I am also running 12 miles a week - I usually run 4 miles every time I go now. But every single time I run, I get on that treadmill like I really don't know if I'm capable of doing it. The distance seems so daunting. And to know that I have to do it for 58 solid minutes, that's daunting, too. All I know is that when I've finished, every single time I feel great, and I feel like every single time that I have accomplished something that I didn't think I could do.  
13 Dec 12 by member: kmartdollie
Its great to hear from so many other people who share the pain! Sometimes it seems like everyone who exercises regularly loves it and looks forward to it, which can be disheartening if you don't, but the fact that so many of you feel the same way but push onwards anyway is inspiring. I gave myself my first day off in 2 and a bit weeks yesterday (I was seeing if I could kickstart an exercise habit by doing it every day for a month, but it just got too much for me). I felt sad to break the number of days in a row of exercise, but my body really felt like it needed a rest and I know that if I'm not flexible with things like that its more tempting just to give up altogether. I'll hit the gym today though and get the blood pumping! Good luck everyone and thank you! 
14 Dec 12 by member: phibs
I understand completely how you were feeling at this time.. I actually incorporated exercise into my dieting Oct. 15th and I was exercising daily.. The past 2 weeks I have been exercising 5-6 days a week versus the 7.It's been getting hard for me to get my exercise in but I force myself to do it.. I actually experienced that feeling earlier this morning. I went into the garage (where my exercise equipment is) and I was dreading to do anything. I just kept looking around. I felt like I was about to torture myself.. I finally forced myself to sit down on the recumbent bike and proceeded to exercise. I felt doggone good when I finished. Just like Kmartdollie said it is daunting when you are trying to work thru the exercise once you finish another obstacle overcome. I think it's fair to say that it is normal to experience those feelings. So continue on, switch up those exercise routines and know that you are doing this for YOU! We're all in this together! ;) 
15 Dec 12 by member: BBD5

     
 

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