shadow86's Journal, 09 December 2012

I'm starting to get back in the swing of things. My fear around food is beginning to lift. I guess my goals are to try and incorporate more solid foods into my plan. Still eat small meals regularly and not exceed 1500 calories a day for the rest of the month. I think this is realistic and doable and will give me some indication of what my base line is. Right now I'm not comfortable with my weight. Im around 187 and its about 17 pounds from where I want to be. Although my focus is really about taking care of myself. Three things to think about tomorrow.

1. Eat veggies/fruit.

I think that its good for me to eat a serving at each meal. Right now it's a bit intermittent, but I think a lot of my fear has to do with sugar consumption (i.e. fruit and dairy). The healthy me knows this is in my head. The ED voice however would like to tell me that I'll keep gaining weight.

2. Remove Binge scenarios.

I've been pretty successful the last several days at reducing (and eliminating the urge to binge). I think eating regularly has been the key to this. If I wait more that 3.5 hours I tend to want to binge. It's like an addiction and needs to be monitored. I'm noticing that Protein Bars can cause a binge response because Im concerned they will cause me to gain weight. I may be ok to remove them. They are keeping me from enjoying whole foods. I understand they are convenient but they should really be a last resort.

3. Record and document but do not obsess.

I think it's been effective to quickly jot down what I've eaten in the google doc and then record in fatsecret after. This way I don't forget, Im accountable, and I also feel the freedom to quickly write down foods and amounts without pulling my hair out.

4. Start to plan ahead.

Thinking about the macro nutrient combos will help me to see around corners. I think Im most comfortable with a 40, 30, 30 approach. This means cutting back on some of the fats i.e. 2% dairy products and PB consumption. This will be good overall but again does not need to be an all or nothing scenario. Think of 2% as an occasional Idea. Also maybe thinking about PB as a 1tbsp a serving notion would be helpful in the next couple of days it would allow me to choose some other options in terms of the diversity of my foods. OB has been a crutch because I'm afraid of exploring other foods. I think Im ready.

5. Take it slow, easy, and enjoy the journey.

This is a life long change. Make your goals attainable and enjoyable. I want to be more active also. Walking is the starting point. Then incorporate Yoga or slow movement, then resistance of some kind, but enjoyable and movement oriented is the ticket for you. Macho bulls##t has never suited you.
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