Klynn82's Journal, 06 July 2018

In each day there lies the opportunity to be better, seize those moments and become the best that you can be...

Good Friday morning, world!!! I hope you are all having a wonderful day so far and that your week has been amazing. I know that, even with the rocky start to mine, I have had a wonderful week!!

I had a major gain, so much that I am embarrassed to weigh in, I will weigh in next week, when its not as bad. I know that it was caused by the enormous amount of carbs that I have eaten. I will be 100% honest, I was careful while in WV, I ate carbs but I didnt over eat. I ate more than I should have, but not ridiculous, but then when we broke down on the side of the road...the old me kicked in. I ate, and ate, and ate, and it was all junk. Nothing good for me, there was candy, pringles, pizza, garlic knots, cinnamon twists with sugary frosting...stuff that I knew I shouldnt be eating, but I was scared, angry, worried, stressed...whatever other emotion goes along with all of that, so I ate it. I ate all of those feelings, I drank soda, I indulged in all the things that I have been so careful about for months. I felt sick. I still feel sick, and the cravings have come back 10 fold, so it was not worth it. I will work through this, I will lose it again, but I am not happy with myself...I am embarrassed, and hurt that I could so easily fall into a pattern that I worked so hard to fight.

Another story, when we were broke down, we had to have a rig hauler come get us because my car is so big I have to be towed on a flatbed, not a traditional tow truck. So anyway, this hauler comes and he says to get in the cab...it was a high step cab, I got onto the first step, but I could not lift myself to the next one to get in. I had my husband pushing from behind and it was mortifying. I was in tears, when this tow truck driver comes over and asks my husband if he can help...my husband looks at me and I tell him we have no other choice, otherwise I am not getting in this truck. The driver plants his hands squarely on my butt cheeks, one on each cheek, and lifts me into the cab of that truck. It was so embarrassing, I didnt even want to look at him when he got in to take us to the shop. I wanted to shrivel up and die. He kept saying that it was ok, its a hard truck to get into if you arent used to it, blah blah blah, but it was terrible. I have never felt such shame over my body and myself than I did in that moment. I still want to cry thinking about it. I kept saying sorry to my husband too, because he had to watch another man lift his wife into a truck that she was too fat to lift herself into. Overall, it was the most shameful moment in my life so far...

One of the people we went to see had some It Works! Keto Coffee packets that she gave me...dont buy them. They are terrible. Gag worthy. I added coffee, I added water, I added heavy cream...short of adding a chocolate cake, I dont think anything can save these. They make your coffee thick, greasy (and I use coconut oil in my coffee, but this is ridiculous) and terrible. It has some great stuff in it, MCT oil, grass fed butter, cologen, pink salt....but uggg, its so bad!! It makes my morning coffee a chore, not a treat!! Ive only used two of them, and I have 17 more, I will use them up, but not with pleasure! haha

Today I will pray for strength to get through this weekend, I will pray that the Lord finds me in my darkness and leads me back to His light. I will pray for healing of my body and soul. I will pray we all reach milestones and that we are closer to our goals. I pray that He blesses us all with love and grace. I pray for all reading this to be touched by His love. In Jesus name, Amen!!

Here is a picture of the group of us at the top of the Apalachian mountains. This was a gorgeous lookout that they took us to and I love this picture. Front to back: Bonnie from OH, Me, Samantha from WV, Josh from OH, my David, and Justin from WV. I look at this picture and see lifelong friends and I just hope, good Lord willing, we are truly friends for life. Have a wonderful day everyone!! Make the most of it!!

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332 kcal

Fat: 33.05g | Prot: 2.28g | Carb: 3.00g.   Breakfast: Carrington Farms Pure, Unrefined, Cold Pressed Coconut Oil 100% Organic Extra Virgin, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), It Works Keto Coffee, Land O'Lakes Heavy Whipping Cream. more...