ekun's Journal, 26 July 2012

Guess what's back.. overating. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Maybe I should find help. I went trough depression I don't want to do it again. Today's the first time I feel bad because of it. I feel angry and sad and defeated. I feel so disappointed. Tommorow my weight will be up for sure. I'll weight myself only because then I can hate on it.

I'll try to talk to somebody. I already tried with my sister but she doesn't see the problem. She thinks 4000 calories isn't that much. NOT MUCH!? I'm pretty sure I ate even more. I'm so tired of this. There are also nightmares, crying for no reason and getting angry at pointless stuff. I'm so weak mentally right now. I ate so much I'm not gonna eat tommorow. Not to punish myself, but because I won't be hungry. And everyone will think I'm weird again, that I'm starving. And they will talk behind my back. And I usually hear them. And it makes me so sad. Great. Now I'm crying. I had to get this off my chest. :(

Diet Calendar Entries for 26 July 2012:
1652 kcal Fat: 65.95g | Prot: 46.88g | Carb: 249.60g.   Breakfast: cucumber, green pepper, tomato, mustard, Filetti di Sgombro al Naturale (Mackerel fillets in brine, drained solids, canned). Snacks/Other: Apples, banana, banana, raspberries, almonds, almonds, chocolate, Chewing Gum (Sugarless), reiswaffel, cacao goji superfood, oat biscuits, oat biscuits, oat biscuits, oat biscuit, oat biscuits. more...
1404 kcal Activities & Exercise: Housework - 30 minutes, Resting - 16 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours. more...
on diet ekun's own diet  

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Comments 
First of all, you are not alone...this is an epidemic that affects the majority of the people. Losing weight is hard, very hard to do. You will find people that lose the weight only to gain it back. So, I recommend going about the healthy way, when you eat a lot of carbs, you will crave a lot of crave even after just eating. Its like you know you shouldn't but you have no control. Actually, you really do have control. However, it takes a lot of practice. I have developed new coping habits. I walk a lot, which helps to clear your thinking. We can only take it one day, one choice at a time and one pound at a time. Do not feel like you are weird. Tip: I follow the Atkins because high protein keeps me full and helps to get my mind of food. I wish you all the best...You can do this!!! 
26 Jul 12 by member: BeaugezD
Not eating wreaks havoc with your basal metabolism. When you're starving, your body slows down to compensate, and you'll burn far fewer calories. Studies show that breakfast and a modest evening meal at minimum are required to keep the fires going. While I wouldn't necessarily gainsay the possible benefits of short fast, it is very hard on your system, and you should at least be maintaining nutritional requirements even if you aren't eating solids. Not eating also throws your blood sugar, serotonin and other hormone function (and associated emotions) out of whack. One major natural thing to try to get hormone regulation (since it seems like you're already eating omega 3 laden fish and regulating sugar intake) under control is exercise and sunlight. It also seems like you're still a teenager, and y'know, crazy emotions from high levels of various hormones kind of comes with the territory. 
26 Jul 12 by member: Dicesr
Do you have anxiety? Are you taking a medication to combat depression or anxiety? If not, maybe it's something to talk to your doctor about. If you are feeling so down on yourself maybe you do need a little help. I was depressed a few years back and just didn't feel like I could do anything right, my life was terrible, everyone hated me, it didn't matter what I did there was no point to enjoying life. Then I took some meds. I'll admit the meds didn't "cure" me, but they did help me not have such massive mood swings and I felt better. Then after a while I was able to get off the meds with the help of some amazing friends to talk to. Even if you ate 4000 calories today, you still need to fuel your body tomorrow, so start over. Eat within your calorie limits tomorrow and and make tomorrow about tomorrow, not what you did wrong today. Life can be hard sometimes, especially if you have eating, weight, or body issues, but it is worth living and being healthy for. If people are truly talking behind your back either they really care about you or they just have no life, so if they care talk to them, if they have no life ignore them. I hope you feel better soon. 
26 Jul 12 by member: mars2kids
Thanks for commenting. I really need to get my life in order. But it gets so hard sometimes, because nobody is supporting a healthy lifestyle at home. Also I don't starve. I actually eat so much I can't eat the next day. I did atkins in the past but my parents didn't approve it, so I stopped. Now I'm just trying to eat healthy and keep my protein intake high. It's nice to talk on here about this stuff, because I can't at home. Thanks. 
26 Jul 12 by member: ekun
I've got some of the same problems with home issues. My housemate is bigtime into meals built around a ton of carbs. And carbs, like BeaugezD said, cause your bloodsugar to spike, then crash, making you even hungrier. Got to keep those carbs down, and not be as afraid of fats along with those proteins, since the fats will keep you feeling full. Good luck. 
26 Jul 12 by member: bloodaxe
Ok, I think u need more fat in your regular diet. I used to binge eat a lot like u, but never gained much weight. Some days I could eat a whole bag of chip, cookies, and candies thoroughout the whole day. I had to be eating close to 5000 calories when I did binge. BUT now that I eat more of fat/lower carbs diet, my constant craving went away. I think your body wants fats, not sugar or salt. I'm not telling u to change your diet but try eating/cooking with more healthy fats like flaxseed, nuts, or coconut oil and see if the binging goes away. 
26 Jul 12 by member: sillybones10
Ok. I'll try to get more fats into my diet and eat less carbs. I hope it works. I really didn't pay attention to fats untill now. I'll see how it works out. Thanks for commenting, it really means a lot to me. 
26 Jul 12 by member: ekun

     
 

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