yduj57's Journal, 26 July 2012

Had a stupid argument with my 18 y.o. daughter in the car this morning. She moved home last month, and has started a job three towns away, this week. She dropped out of school in March, and stayed in Virginia for several months, trying to make it work down there. It all finally came crashing down, and she came home....and her girlfriend headed home to Alaska.
The job is great, considering her lack of a college degree, and very limited work experience. But she has no car, and has been relying on me, and one of our bikes, to get back and forth. Yesterday she biked there and back...I was proud of her for being able to comfortably do that. But today's forecast was for scattered thunderstorms. I felt safer driving her, than worrying about her riding home through a bad storm.
She wants to get an apartment. Bad. Real bad. Irrationally bad. I understand her desire, but she is broke. I start school next month. I will not be there very often, soon, to be her chauffeur. But, she wants her girlfriend to be able to move out here, and move in with her. So, it makes moving in with other roommates more challenging. Apartments in this area, that are near public transportation, and in a safe area, do not come cheap. But she doesn't want to hear that it will take a little time. Oh yeah, she is going to be going to school, part time, starting in September, to get a paralegal certificate, as well.
While I try to gently explain the realities to her, she is wont to turn on me, and attack me for not being sympathetic. I don't hear what she is trying to tell me. I thought we were talking about cars and apartments, but apparently the conversation was actually about her girlfriend. Silly me.
I was so fed up with her attitude, and attacks for not being supportive...as I drove her to work this morning....that I suggested she get out and walk if I am really so unsupportive. Sheessh. I have never had to live with this level of crazy irrationality before. I know it is the age. She thinks she knows it all already. Yeah. Right.
The rest of the ride was silent.
When I got home, I finally was able to make my breakfast, three hours after I got up this morning. I was busy taking care of everyone else for those three hours. Making coffee for my husband, pancakes for my younger daughter, walking the dog, driving the youngest to the train station, and then back home to pick up the older daughter, to bring her to work. So I guess it was not too surprising that one of those little urges...a subtle little craving, was stirring in me. I wanted something to eat. Something...hmmm....sweet??...no, I don't do that anymore. But yeah, that is what I wanted. I had just had a delicious omelet, and some bacon. I was not hungry. I was annoyed. I was frustrated by this sucky state of affairs with my daughter, where I am always the evil witch, and she is the poor, suffering victim. I wanted to do what I have done in the past....eat away the pain.
Well of course that is completely ridiculous. Food never actually erases the pain. It may make us forget the pain for a few moments when we are in food bliss. But then it is followed by the cloud of guilt. The scale. And all the other health issues that eventually catch up with us. So, I moved on. But, that urge is still there. I still have that instinct for the comfort of food. I have to wonder, will that ever go away?

Diet Calendar Entries for 26 July 2012:
2507 kcal Fat: 197.84g | Prot: 139.29g | Carb: 53.28g.   Breakfast: bacon, uncured, oscar mayer, coconut oil, eggs, parmesan cheese, Collard Greens with Bacon and Onions, heavy cream, coffee. Lunch: eggs, olive oil, cucumber, avocado, sliced almonds, mixed salad greens, cashews, trader joe's. Dinner: sirloin steak, caesar salad, spinach, romano cheese, butter. Snacks/Other: cashews, peanut butter. more...
3651 kcal Activities & Exercise: Housework - 1 hour, Driving - 2 hours, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 30 minutes, Resting - 12 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet Atkins  


I understand...I'm in a slightly different boat. My step daughter is 17. Still has a year of high school left, has a job working 1 day a week- catering. Earns about $125 a week. She has never been a "I know everything and you people don't understand" type of girl. Her boyfriend's mother goes to a gym in the area. Her father and I have tried to explain to her that we have pilates/yoga videos in the house,(she has tried P90X and it proved to be too difficult for her) and her Techno Savvy Boyfriend can download p90 torrents for her which are much lighter than the X version...but, she just stays silent and unacknowledging to our pleas that $75 a month is a lot of money that she could be putting towards-oh I don't know, a car that she wants so badly. Or any of the other luxury items we can't afford and don't plan on getting for her. I am really worried that even though she has an account of her own and has taken classes managing money...that she just might turn out to live hand to mouth just because she sees she has money--then she can do whatever she wants, because she can. It almost break ur heart because YOU see the map unfolding and they are just looking at the hood from the steering wheel....*SIGH* 
26 Jul 12 by member: gearhead
Sometimes you just have to find the courage to let them go so they can learn on their own. If she wants to move out, let her. She will find out the hard way how difficult it is to live on your own. All you can do it tell her you love and try to be supportive (no matter how hard it is and how much you want to help shield her). Experience is the best teacher. Eating crappy will not take away the pain. Keep eating healthy and exercising to control stress. You will get through this.  
26 Jul 12 by member: Suzi161
WOW - what a great post! Yes, you should be so proud for choosing to "move on" from the craving to manage the frustrated feelings! Good for you! And, eventually you will just acknowledge the feelings and use exercise, or a bubble bath, or a bouquet of flowers to mood change! 
26 Jul 12 by member: HCB
I agree with each of you! We have been letting her go and live her life, the way she chooses. If she wants to move out, I won't stop her, but I am also not going to pay for an apartment...she will have to do that! Or the car, etc, etc. She had a credit card when she left for college, and she did not do a very good job of managing that....I had cosigned, so I closed the account. I think that was the best lesson for credit cards she could get! She lived on her own for three months in Virginia, but was on the verge of being evicted twice in that time. You would think she would have learned something! And I did come to the conclusion that exercise, or art will be the things I will turn to when that sensation starts bubbling up again...because, yeah....it will. :) Thanks for your supportive comments! 
26 Jul 12 by member: yduj57
Kudos in moving past the temptations. HCB is right... finding a replacement does help. My personal favorite is orchid plants. They stay in bloom for months so they're a long-lasting reminder (and the fragrant ones are an added delight). Whether we agree or disagree with the choices our children make, it's indeed a fine line we tread as parents. Too much encouragement, and they think we're shoving them into a decision; opposing criticism, and they say we're stifling them and not respecting them. Hang in there and be tough. In time this too will pass; it's just part of growing up. All we can do is applaud when they succeed and support them when they stumble. 
27 Jul 12 by member: jenkie5
Thanks Jenkie! Very well said. 
28 Jul 12 by member: yduj57


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