kingkeld's Journal, 23 July 2012

Good morning!

It's Monday morning, and today is the big day where I go back to work after my surgery.

I'm taking it easy - I made a deal with my bosses that I start up part time, and we'll see how it goes. The goal is to be there four hours per day, with the option to leave early if the batteries run dry before that. It's all about starting slow, and building up the energy to go full time. This is what we work with in my department - helping people back to work after sick leave - to they have sympathy and understanding for the situation. They're actually all asking me if I am sure I can handle four hours. I've told them I'd like to do four, but that I will leave and go home if I feel that I can't. If I push myself too far, I'll just risk setbacks, and it'll take even longer to get back on track full blast.

I'd like to thank everyone for your comments on my journals these last few days. I've done a lot of thinking regarding my weight, fluctuations, calories, all that jazz. I keep feeling heavier, I keep seeing that I am not as thin as I would like to be. I fully understand that I can't go into full weight loss mode right night, because my body needs nutrition to recover from the surgery. It's a TOUGH balance to do when it comes to the nutrition, the foods, but certainly also the psychological aspects of it.

I do NOT want to gain more weight. I wish I could say I was done with the healing and just drop the excess kilos. I understand that I can't just do that, and I understand why. Still, it bothers me like crazy.

As my dear buddy Nimm pointed out, I gotta make sure to eat enough. I generally pay attention to what Nimm says, as she is shock full of great advice and knows what she's talking about. She made a comment about making sure to eat enough, and it's been sitting in the back of my head all weekend.

I get so much great advice from everyone, so many good suggestions. Sometimes it simply confuses us more to get all the info, doesn't it? I think the trick is to ask the questions, go through the answers, and pick and choose what makes sense to you.

I do think that I have to realize that I need to eat enough. I have to watch out though, that it doesn't end up in TOO MANY calories, and that it doesn't end up in BAD calories.

I tend to be very "all or nothing" about things. When I lean back and relax on watching what I eat, I easily end up eating too much, and too many of the bad things. Then, when I decide to shape up, I end up consuming 1100 calories per day. What I find really hard is to reach the balance in between.

If I eat what I burn according to Fatsecret, I should consume around 2500 calories per day. This should be no problem whatsoever. It's PLENTY of food, as long as I eat normal meals, and stay away from the bad snacks.

I feel that I am changing my mind on this every single day. Do this, do that, OMG! I'M GAINING WEIGHT, Phew it was nothing and I'm doing fine, I gotta eat enough, I gotta lose weight - and so on. It drives me nuts.

The solution has to be that I eat properly. It has to be that I simply eat my meals. I eat when I am hungry for food, not for carb-snacks. I drink plenty of water, to flush out the excess water sitting in my body. I am pretty sure I can flush out the fluids without that afffecting my calorie intake and without it affecting my healing.

Maybe eating a little more (of the right stuff) will also help me a little with my tiredness?

Yesterday I was sleepy ALL day. I really felt that I was a walking zombie all day. I even took a two hour nap, something I am really bad at.

I managed to play some music yesterday, actually quite a lot, and it was the greatest feeling. I now have 7 songs that I am rehearsing for BURN:

Nothing Else Matters (Metallica)
How You Remind Me (Nickelback)
For Whom The Bell Tolls (Metallica)
Paradise City (Guns N' Roses)
Burn (Deep Purple)
Highway Star (Deep Purple)
Money (Pink Floyd)

It's a FUN playlist to go through, with a lot of challenges.

Today is not only the day I go back to work, but it's also the day where The Black Peanut is getting together again after "the summer break". Normally we play on Fridays, but we have a town festival coming this weekend, and everyone has plans with friends and family.

Personally, I hope to take the Captain to go see a live band that is not too far from what we want to do with BURN, and go get a few pointers on what works and what doesn't work when it comes to song choices etc.

I'm a little nervous about energy levels tonight. Work first, and then band in the evening. Then again, they know my situation and that I might have to take some extra breaks, or give in at some point. I am just glad to be back playing. I have missed it a lot.

So that's the situation today:

Back to work. Back to playing music. Listen to my body. Eat responsibly - no more, no less.

Today I am thankful for:
- Work! I can't wait to NOT sit here in my living room all morning.
- Music! I can't wait to rock with The Black Peanut!
- More Music! Practicing for BURN is awesome! This is next up on my morning to-do list. Don't worry - I will try to not wear myself all out already. LOL.
- Morning coffee!

I am so eager to get going on my week. I can tell that my recovery is going well, and that I am leagues ahead of where I was just a couple of weeks ago. All that I really feel that I battle is the tiredness. I need to get going on that, but just how do you do that?

Have a great day, folks! Life is good!

Diet Calendar Entry for 23 July 2012:
772 kcal Fat: 11.99g | Prot: 34.39g | Carb: 129.05g.   Breakfast: Rye Bread, Egg, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: Spaghetti & Meat Sauce. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet  


Good luck on your first day back, KK! 
22 Jul 12 by member: youngsturgeon
I feel you Keld, I go from "OMG I am gaining", to "I feel fine" all too much lately. Its these tapes that play in our head from our journey of recovery. It is a good thing really. Good luck at work. As for the tiredness and energy level, it will come back. I still feel less energetic I think than I was last year, and I am 7 months post-op. Maybe its age.. lol 
22 Jul 12 by member: posterchild66
I REFUSE to think that it's age, JP. :) Man, it sucks that recovery takes so long. I know it's a HUGE cut they did in me, but I just don't have the patience. I am so ready for life as it used to be to come back full blast.  
23 Jul 12 by member: kingkeld
Keld, I'm guessing you've had antibiotics after your op? I'm currently taking them and I feel EXHAUSTED all the time - it could be your meds affecting you. In addition, you have had a MAJOR operation and if your body is telling you it's tired then you need to respond by resting or sleeping. Unfortunately, for people who like being active, "giving in" to tiredness and actually sleeping or chilling out can be very difficult to do and difficult to accept, mentally, that that's what we need to do. Have a great day today - it's awesome that you have so many things to look forward to today. (Don't forget to listen to your body) 
23 Jul 12 by member: Earthlady
Earthlady, you're right about "giving in" - it can be extremely difficult to do so. I do know that I have to, and it's tough for me to accept. I have so many things I'd like to do, and I have a hard time restricting myself from making plans ahead of time, and way over my own head. I did, however not have more antibiotics than what they gave me first time around, and there haven't been any need for any - fortunately. I am still exhausted, though. It's just something I'll have to take as it comes, accept it and deal with it. It's just so TEDIOUS!  
23 Jul 12 by member: kingkeld
Since none of us have really been thru this surgery - perhaps a little trip down memory lane would do you some good. Why don't you scoot back in your journal to the first entry after surgery, and take a good read about how far you have come in such a short period of time! Healing takes time. And you knew it was likely going to take up your entire summer. I think you're doing amazing! So hang in will only keep getting better from here! 
23 Jul 12 by member: jsfantome
Js, I know I have come far. Thanks for reminding me. Actually, I was talking to Wife about it yesterday - how I don't always see the day-to-day progress, but that I can feel that I am getting better and that it IS going pretty fast. But my head wants faster and NOW! I have all the understanding that it won't happen, and that I need to chill, but it just doesn't work like that in my head. You're absolutely right, the healing has gone pretty swift. I was MUCH worse when I came home. Now I really don't have many restrictions any longer, as long as I take care. I realize I can't exercise as I don't have the strength, but my body is LONGING for it. I realize that I can't work hours upon hours, but my mind hasn't fully come to terms with it. I realize that I can't play music six hours in a row, but I'm still doing tonight. It's just the way my mind works. I gotta, gotta, gotta, and it'll bite me in the butt now and then. I do, however, take precious care that NOTHING will harm the incision and that nothing will make my skin damaged, stretched or anything like that. I'm not pushing myself that way. I hope this all makes sense. Essentially, I am trying to take care, I am trying to take my time. I am trying to give my body a chance to heal. But it has to work in my head too, and that is the tough part. :) 
23 Jul 12 by member: kingkeld
The mental part of the equation is always the hardest! And you really are doing a fantastic job!!! You've come this far in such a short amount of time, and ... you haven't hurt your progress in the slightest! Once fully recovered, you can undo any weight/exercise issues that have presented themselves. In the with your music, and short term hours...enjoy your recovery process! One step at a time!!! Much Love. 
23 Jul 12 by member: jsfantome
WOW... Kingkeld... That's all I can think ..... WOW.... Because I have been away from FS (on hols) for 2 weeks, so haven't been able to catch up on your progress, I have caught up on your last 2 weeks progress today....... WOW.... I don't think you realise, how far you have come in the last two weeks. Fantastic progress.... You have done sooooooooo well. I hope your first day back at work has gone well ..... Although I would think you will feel amazingly tired - especially if you are playing with the black peanuts too. Don't be so hard on yourself.... I know you are impatient LOL .....  
23 Jul 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
Wow is right... lots of info to take in. Have you thought about supplementing with vitamins or a vitamin-packed drink mix? The Raw Meal/Raw Protein mixes by Garden of Life have been great at keeping me full for a good 4 hours after consuming, and they are PACKED with nutrients. The Zombie day could be just that-your bod is missing some vitamins/minerals. I won't dole out too much, as it's your journey and I don't have a step by step analysis of your progress and your sitch-that would take WAY too much time to compile! LOL Keep the faith, healing takes time in any form. You'll see the progress, just keep the baby steps... 
23 Jul 12 by member: ZippyDani


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