MissyGrizzy's Journal, 13 December 2017

Life's too short. You already lost your dad so why risk losing your brother too? Do you guys really need the tools. What's worth more, having tools at home or your brother in your life? Reevaluate you guys' priorities because tools shouldn't be at the top! 

That's just it tho pinknv. We tried again, he had come over for a second time but because he was still raging out, he flipped out- disowned me and left without any tools because he was still in his own righteousness. He did this to himself and is blaming me thru his anger. That's why it got muddier. I know it's just stuff. The principle of it all sucks, but in the end it's just stuff. I am the only girl in the family with 5 brothers. Growing up, it was the boys club and I was the one they got to kick around. This was like dejavue all over again. I'm his easy target. Part of why I hold weight is because I grew up in such an unprotected, angry, violent household. When he got in my face, eyes bulging, screaming at me so loud, raging out- I really thought he would start pounding on me but he didn't, thank god. But the fear of that anger makes me freeze up. I was nice the entire time. I told him I loved him, I wished him good luck, I did nothing to provoke his anger- unless being nice provoked his anger. In the end, he blamed me for not taking any tools (which my mom said he could have) and he left raging out. It's sad, very sad, but I cannot control how another person perceives a situation. The whole thing is unfortunate, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was supposed to happen or needed to happen for some cosmic reason. Either way, life is too short and I let go of that which no longer prefers to be in my life. For years I have sent him cards and gifts to his family for holidays and birthdays and never received a thank you. No phone calls to say hi. At most, 7 invites over the past 10 years for the kids birthdays and such. He no longer has to pretend to like or love me. My ex husband used to get mad at me for always trying to be part of their life "why do you try so hard?", but I never gave up on them. Well, the universe has spoken and that door has closed whether I like it or not. Everything will work out in the end. 

Mercy, sorry to hear about the family drama - how may we encourage you to move past this experience? 

It sounds like he is emotionally unstable. I went through this with my Mom, the more I I sought her approval, the more I was disappointed. My therapist finally told me to "give up hope that it would be any different". Doing that broke my heart, but I was able to become stronger and move forward.  

Sometimes people just need to be angry. They will pick the smallest thing to be angry over and the kindest person to be angry at. Remember you can’t fix him. You can only control yourself. I know how hard it is to accept that fact. I tend to have to reaffirm it daily else I forget. I have a situation in my life now that is tearing me apart but I’m focused on going forward regardless. You will have to do that as well. You are worth the effort. 

I'm sorry you are experiencing such drama. Your brothers rage likely has nothing to do with you, and never has. You were unfortunately an easy target. I had a brother just like that. He died recently, 51, on his kitchen floor, drunk and alone. He was not missed or found for 10 days. Rage has to do with the persons feelings of personal inadequacy or hopelessness. As for the tools, he may have just wanted to take a piece of his Dad with him. He just didn't know how to communicate that. Perhaps your mom could ship some off to him. You don't have to allow toxic people access to you but sometimes it's easier on yourself when you recognize that they are just broken souls trying to get by. ❤️️ 

Thank you everyone. 2426girl: I'm so sorry about your brother. I don't even know what to say! So unfortunate and tragic. Life doesn't have to be that way- but everyone has their own path and lessons to work out in this life. My brother came by right after my step dad passed away and he took all sorts of tools and guns and ammo. We thought he was done and had taken what he wanted. 10 months later, he and his family are moving to Kentucky and he's trying to take another swipe. I live with you mom on her 5 acres in the middle of no where. We have a working property where we use these tools for building and upkeep on the property. I totally get that he misses his dad and wants things to remember him by, but my mom already gave him boxes of clothes, boxes of pictures and sentimental things. He's coming and taking the new stuff still in a box that has no sentimental value. All he had to do was ask and he said he doesn't need to ask anyone's permission because this is his dad's stuff and it belongs to him. There is no getting around whatever logic he is using. As far as I'm concerned, this is over and done with. He leaves in roughly 5 days and I'll feel better when he does. Thank you newnbetter- I'm sorry you are going through difficult now too. You are absolutely right, and you and I- we matter- we are worth it. And what someone else thinks about me, is none of my business because it has everything to do with them. My brother is obviously hurting and probably stressed from the move. Like you said, it's easy to take it out on someone nice who will just take it. Spaceblatt- I'm so sorry to hear about you and your mom. I watched my mom go through that with her dad- it was so hard to watch growing up. There's a saying "when one door closes, stop pounding on it!" I too had a toxic relationship with mother. I did not speak to her for 6 years and that was so painful and difficult. I'm so blessed to have a loving relationship with her now. I believe that people have the power to change and I hope that someday your mother will come around. From 371to184- thank you. This is all such wonderful and helpful support- just feeling heard. It is nice to be able to talk about this, but at the same time- I'd prefer to focus on moving forward, moving passed all of this and loving myself through it. For as wonderful as you all are, I am solely responsible for my thoughts and feelings and actions. I truly appreciate all your input- for I believe that different perceptions are the greatest part of this melting pot. I've lost enough sleep and felt enough hurt, worry, and fear over the past few days that I know it's now worth it. To know that there's no reason to stop shining the light in my own life for myself and the people who want to be part of it. ❤️ Much love to all of you! May you all live in peace.