sngglebnny's Journal, 27 September 2016

Okay, the time period of lack of appetite ended last week. Last week was binge week, it was like I fought this insistent urge to keep cramming food in my mouth. I lost that battle several times, but this week I am more in control.

When I start exercising I always have an initial weight gain, so I stopped weighing myself after seeing the scale say 206. Also, when I start losing weight I feel and look fatter. Don't believe me? Ask my friends who always compliment me without provocation on my weight loss when I gain weight and are strangely silent when I lose it. I thought it was in my head, but my mom and my friends recent comment has made it a reality for me. They both told me that I was looking like I'd lost a few pounds, and when I pointed out that I'm heavier than I've ever been in life, they both told me that I look slimmer than they've ever seen me. Two people at two different times.

That made me feel good about my current body and embarrassed about the past at the same time. Either way, it confirms my dissatisfaction with myself when I'm getting fit and losing weight.

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