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Again, I"ve been up down and all around. My life is just suppose to be this way, I guess. Thats ok, it is the only life I've known. So as long as I"m ok, then I AM OK! I have to remember that, and not measure my life to other standards; what I SHOULD be doing, what I SHOULD be feeling, what is BEST for me....uhhhhh, I am ok with me so I am doing the best for me at the time I am doing it. I'm OK.
I've gone through so much in the past few years (even more if I really dig into it) but for the most part, I went from caregiver for my parents to just me now..... No I do have others in my life, but it is just me (and 2 cats) I really have to feed in the morning. Yes, I do have to work to survive, but I don't have to get my parents and dog ready and in the car and to work at 8 am.....It was difficult, but I miss it SoOOOOOOO much. I miss my dad, my mom, my baby Beans, my sons cat Ashes (who use to sleep with me).....so much happened, first 4/2013 my dad passed away, Parkinson's, my 15 yr old black lab rescue pup 4/2016, my sons 18 yr old stray cat (he had since middle school) 4/2016, my mom 4/2016 (Alzheimer's).... I work in a family business, it is failing.....sometimes I don't know if I will get a paycheck, I live in a house without AC only because I can't afford the expense, the water bill is over what it should be, but I can't control what is being charged. Somedays, I come home after work and just go to bed. The only saving grace right now is that my I attribute my mom, and my dads angel for bringing back to my childhood church. I am not a big person to 'play' the religious card and won't right now. only just wanted to say, I"m ok, I will be ok.....but it is such a struggle.....I never truly knew what the phrase meant, "what doesn't kill you makes your stronger" or "God will only give you what he knows you can handle" until NOW...... I hope I stay strong.
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