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I've really been struggling with balance lately. One minute I feel incredibly determined and the next I find myself eating an m&m blizzard as I mope around over a test grade. I frequently am asking myself if I am just too old to be diving into a career change. Remember that saying...with age comes wisdom? I really don't feel as intelligent as I did when I was younger. It's like I've fired off some brain cells as if I were losing electrons in my valence shell. Ugh. See? It never stops. I blew a quiz yesterday with a 65%, but did happen to make 100s on both chemistry tests. So, I will say that I am doing mediocre in school at the moment. Everyday I am stressing over whether I will jack up my GPA so badly that all of this work will be for nothing. Of course, there are Caribbean Medical Schools...and I am not so lofty a girl to snub my nose at attending school in close proximity to blue waters and beaches. But, that kind of throws a wrench in my entire horse rescue operation. So, my first choice is obviously to attend school close to home...or rather within a two hour drive from home. If you haven't been able to tell from looking at my food journal, this journal should make it pretty clear that I have done a terrible job balancing school with my diet (and everything else really). I have gained massive weight. Clothes are tight, skin feels bloated and I am hating the way I look. I have not been running regularly and I've ate mindlessly and excessively. I don't want to have to lose the pounds that I have already lost once. I don't know what compels me to shove food down my throat when I am studying at midnight or 1am. I hate that I am doing that to myself. Perhaps I should prioritize things better. My health (which includes weight) needs to come first. That was a big motivator in finding the strength to make a career change/go back to school. So, I need to take care of me first and foremost. Packed my lunch today and again am setting the small goal of avoiding the office candy jar. I have also been slipping by drinking Sprite lately. There is nothing beneficial in drinking a soda pop at all. And, rationalizing that it isn't a dark colored soda pop is just lying to myself. So, that's it! No more soda pops...whether they be dark, light, orange or purple. I am incapable of consuming them in moderation. I know this as I drank 2 Route 44 Sprites yesterday. My plan is to try to set aside at least an hour everyday to focus on my fitness. There are 24 hours of the day. So, I'm only requiring 4% of my day. Wait...that's ridiculous. Two hours. I can dedicate at least 2 hours, 8%, of my day to my fitness. There is no reason why I can't set aside an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening---even if I am just walking. 8% is minimal. And, while I hate to limit my daily caloric intake...I realize that I absolutely need to establish a daily ceiling. It has been a long time since I really experienced hunger. I have mostly been just grazing all day. SO, 1500 calories is my daily max---regardless of exercise for now. I'm not training for a marathon or triathlon at the moment. I don't need to keep eating like I'm running 26 miles each day.
Summary of the promises I am making to myself:
1.) I promise myself that I will exercise at least two hours every day.
2.) I promise myself that I will not drink soda pop.
3.) I promise myself that I will choose more fresh vegetables. Eat "cleaner".
4.) I promise myself that I will do one activity each week that I love. (Eating isn't one of the available selections. Ha!)
Let's start with that ^. These things are pretty simple. But, they are needed to restore health and happiness for me.
***
Diet Calendar Entries for 30 September 2014:
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1491 kcal
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Fat: 59.75g | Prot: 111.68g | Carb: 122.62g.
Breakfast: Great Value No Sugar Added Diced Peaches, Kroger Fat Free Cottage Cheese, Frigo Light Mozzarella Cheese Stick. Lunch: Treasure Cave Reduced Fat Crumbled Blue Cheese, Fresh Express Spring Mix, Giant Eagle Cherry Tomatoes, Cucumber (with Peel), Ken's Steak House Lite Sun-Dried Tomato Dressing, Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar, Hormel Rev #12 Turkey, Ham & Cheese. Dinner: Green String Beans, Cucumber (with Peel), Giant Eagle Cherry Tomatoes, Hidden Valley Fat Free Ranch Dressing, Fresh Express Baby Spinach, Texas Roadhouse Sirloin Steak (6 oz). Snacks/Other: P.F. Chang's Hot & Sour Soup, Reichel Foods Carrots with Fat Free Ranch Dippin' Stix. more...
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2301 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Bicycling (moderate) - 13/mph - 20 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 1 hour and 1 minute, Sleeping - 22 hours and 39 minutes. more...
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 Comments
Reading this journal entry really hit home for me, because it looks exactly like something I would have written two years ago. I was attending grad school, stressed out, obese and struggling with chronic illnesses, not taking care of myself the way I knew I should, and feeling pretty lousy about myself. You can turn your life around and make it extraordinary. It's never too late to teach an old dog new tricks, so to speak. I'm turning 40 in a few weeks and I am beginning a completely new career too. I can't say it's been an easy two years, but I can say, without a doubt, that it has been the most rewarding two years of my life! You can do it!
30 Sep 14 by member: Sweeet2th
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Aww.. breathe, kid, breathe!
30 Sep 14 by member: FullaBella
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2 hours of exercise everyday is a bit too much if you haven't been doing it at all lately. You could start with 30 or 45 mins, do something what you like to do. If it would get too much for you it's more likely you would give up. 1500 cals per day is a good goal. You can eat a lot of food if you eat healthy.
30 Sep 14 by member: snezica
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Bella, I've missed you (which is no one's fault but my own). I hadn't been logging in and reading up on journals. Breathing now.
Snezica, I haven't ran since last Monday. But, I'm still pretty accustomed to long distance running. I have still attended Zumba two times a week. Two hours split into one hour sessions twice a day will be fine for me. I think I get a case of the *crazies* when I don't run. The plan for tomorrow: Run before work and then Zumba after work.
Sweeet2th---Thank you for your comments. It's so refreshing to hear when someone else decides to return to school later in life.
30 Sep 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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Hi 2MC, I am really impressed that you've acknowledged your problem, & what you need to do to correct it. I admire you so much for returning to school, & do you realize how many people would love to score 100% on a chem test? I mean, really! I know it's hard, I can identify with so much of what you've said, especially about the sodas. I'm a Coke-a-holic myself. I know how bad it is, & especially combined with my other health problems. My big problem is that it actually does really seem to help curb my arthritis pain, gives me energy (of course), & generally helps me make it through each day, even the bad ones when I'm really hurting. So I really admire your giving them up entirely, & hope I can too someday. Probably not til after my hip replacement though. I haven't given them up yet, but am trying to cut dow, & drinking lots of water to help offset it. The goals you've set are excellent,I suggest that you start out with the 1 hour goal 1st, then when that's established go on to your 2 hour goal. Small steps are better than larger ones. So you got a little off track, now you're back on & ready to go strong again. YOu know you can do this, & the only way to lose is by quitting, which I know you won't do. Don't stress gal, you've got this nailed. (((Skinny Hugs))) GLAMMER
30 Sep 14 by member: GLAMMER
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01 Oct 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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I hope you are feeling some relief today. It’s difficult to see yourself losing ground but it will get better and you know what to do to make it happen. Stick with your plan and stop the negative progression. I’m amazed at your commitment to exercise 2hours a day. Get back on track and show me how it’s done.
02 Oct 14 by member: ChicaLean
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For me the exercise part is not near as much of a commitment as not sticking my hand in the office candy jar. Ha.
02 Oct 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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