just.keep.swimming's Journal

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27 July 2014

I took too many days off last week. Just skipped my workouts and ate junk food. Need to get back to the basics this week: don't eat food that will hurt me and work out to strengthen my body.

My boyfriend and I had a discussion about workouts and weight and I was pumped up for part of a day, then I overthought everything and depression came crashing in. It's funny how the same exact thing can make you happy or make you depressed. From empowering to powerless all with no external switch...

One of my goals today is to sit down and write out my meals for the week, to really put some thought into what I'm going to eat. Then the hard thing will be to eat that and none of the other junk. I also need to reconsider my workout plan and decide how I want to move forward.

I want to make a difference. It so discouraging to stay at the same weight and size forever and ever.

23 July 2014

Weigh-in: 147.0 lb lost so far: 5.0 lb still to go: 5.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (1 comment) on diet just.keep.swimming's own diet   gaining 0.2 lb a week

08 July 2014

The fitness challenge I started at work is going well. It's fun to see that everyone is making an effort to be active. I may be bummed not to lose any weight, but at least I'm being a positive influence.

I'm still ready for this week to end, but once I got over my bad mood, things at least evened out. I was pretty bad on Monday morning, but the clients in the office are nice people so that helps. I do genuinely like what I do, just not appreciating the politics. I keep dreaming I'll find a way to take off just 2 hours or something this week, but I'm guessing it won't happen.

Had a little bit of a fight with the BF last night too, so I'm a bit worried on that end. I hate how me being mad spews out into every area of my life even when I try to keep it in or keep it to one place. I'm sure it says something about me, but I'm fine with not examining that right now. Just going to keep going on with this weird calm that I have.

It helped that I had 5 min at work today to talk to my friends and catch up on a few client emails. Every day I'm going to try to chip away at some of my tasks, even if it's in between things, like when clients take a restroom break. Makes for a long day, though.

06 July 2014

You know you've reached the end of your rope when you binge eat a pound of chocolate, fantasize about cheeseburgers, mentally say the f-word repeatedly and want to quit a job you adore. Maybe I'm PMSing. I'm just so sick of it all.

I've been trying so hard to eat well and work out and have accomplished nothing. Now you might think, "you're getting stronger and classes/weights have been getting easier." Well, logical side, yes you're right. But I'm not losing weight or getting any skinnier.

I've been giving 110% at work for months even after repeatedly getting screwed over. Yes, I know my boss appreciates it, but damn I'm tired. Worked a 75 hour week last week, cleaning up other people's messes, and am not even allowed the 3 day weekend like everyone. Yes, it's only a few hours today, but interesting how no one else can fucking come in for a few hours on a Sunday night.

I have a mini-vacation next week, but I don't want to wait. And then my boyfriend jokingly guilt trips me about having to go out of town again. Don't even want to get into the monster in my head about my relationship right now.

Can I just call it a day and either cry or go beat the crap out of a punching bag?

05 July 2014

Weigh-in: 146.4 lb lost so far: 5.6 lb still to go: 4.4 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment on diet just.keep.swimming's own diet   losing 0.5 lb a week

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