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Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 43

Posted: 22 Apr 2013, 13:01
Hi, I'm dieting, trying to limit processed foods and sugars, while eating whole foods with a plant base. My problem is that a big part of my lifestyle change has been to cut out almost all alcohol and fried food, but that seems to be all that my husband consumes. I don't mind that he is making these choices, but seeing them and having them in the house makes me feel weak willed. I get this intense feeling of desire and longing for cakes and pizzas and fries and beer when they're right in front of me and I can only say no so many times. He tells me that my desire to lose weight is superficial and that I'm perfect the way that I am, but I've been 20 lb overweight my whole life and I'd like to be in the "normal" category for once. Is this a common problem and how do other people deal with this? Thank you.

Joined: Apr 13
Posts: 3

Posted: 22 Apr 2013, 13:36
you could possibly talk to your other half and see if he could encourage you to lose weight more by controlling his own alcohol and fried food consumption. There's nothing better than having someone help and support you whilst you're losing weight.
hope it all goes well for you!

Joined: Feb 13
Posts: 37

Posted: 22 Apr 2013, 13:43
He may think it superficial, but if you approach it from a health perspective he might be more responsive. 20 pounds is just enough to increase your risk for a lot of overweight/obesity related illnesses (I take a handful of pills a day to try to take care of those very same illnesses, so I can assure you while it might not be happening right now, it may well happen in the future). Taking of 20 pounds is a lot easier than taking of 40 or more, and the longer that weight stays on you, the more likely you are to gain extra weight to go with it. I did hear a doctor say something one time about behavioral issues that applies to just about everyone-the first and automatic reaction of most humans, when told to behave, is to misbehave harder. Keep throwing "no thanks" in his direction when he wants you to eat this stuff, and it not only gets easier for him to hear, but it gets easier for you to say. Someone else does not get to decide whether you are happy with your weight, only you can decide that.

Joined: Apr 13
Posts: 4

Posted: 22 Apr 2013, 13:53
Hello roseomg,
When I started to diet it all bothered me as well. However, you need to focus on you. Put yourself in a place where it no longer matters what is around you! You will always have to face these brick walls no matter where you go. Parties, fairs, vacations, eating at another's house for example. That's great that your husband thinks your beautiful no matter what but this isn't for him, it is for YOU! "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"! That is what I tell myself! Once you reach your goal That food will still be there. Good luck and stay strong!

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 43

Posted: 22 Apr 2013, 14:51
Leia, I want him to feel autonomous in his decisions but I agree that encouraging him to eat better might help both of us. I'm not enough of a nag haha.
Colly, that is exactly how I feel and exactly why I want to lose weight now.
Doll face, when you put it that way eating healthy sounds really isolating which is kind of sad. I hope I can get to a point where it doesn't matter being around unhealthy food! I like your motto!
Thanks, ladies.

Joined: Mar 13
Posts: 93

Posted: 25 Apr 2013, 17:57
You can choose your own food choices. I modify what I have for meals with famiy. I will sometimes have a different main dish or other. Once you start making these healthy food choices for yourself you will begin to feel better, have more energy...Once the husband sees the changes in you it may encourage him to eat more healthy. I know the feeling about being 20lbs over. This has happended to me more than once. Also it's more than about losing weight but having a healthy body. Heart disease is going strong in our culture with fried foods etc. I have always loved fried foods, pastries, sugar, you name it. I am trying to make much healthier food choices and getting more exercise. Once you begin this you will begin to feel better about yourself in general and you will also reach your weight loss goals. Good luck to you!! Each day is a new start.

Joined: Feb 11
Posts: 1,223

Posted: 25 Apr 2013, 19:05
Honestly, unless he is going to change then you are going to have to deal with this. Not to be harsh, but the fact is, unless he makes a change, then 10 days from now, 10 weeks from now, 10 months, 10 years from now - he will be eating the same crap and you can either learn how to manage now or you can take the next 10 years to learn how to deal with it. If you want this, then you have to make it work for you - and not just until you lose 20 lbs b/c then maintenance is a whole other game!

Joined: Dec 11
Posts: 167

Posted: 25 Apr 2013, 20:33
My advice is to get as much of a head start as possible before your spouse figures out what you're up to Very Happy
“The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” ~Victor E. Frankl

Joined: Jul 11
Posts: 1,368

Posted: 26 Apr 2013, 02:26
You can still have those foods, just less of it. Abstaining from them is harder than having them in moderation. They are just calories. Count them.
Consume whatever foods you prefer, whenever you prefer to consume them, while ensuring nutrient sufficiency and meeting caloric goals.

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 65

Posted: 26 Apr 2013, 10:48
roseomg: I'm in a similar boat... my husband and kids still eat things that I've cut out of my diet. If you stick with it long enough, most of those foods won't really provoke you anymore. In my case, I've just recently started up again, but when I lost 50lbs. in 2011, I got addicted to fresh fruit. The french fries, burgers, etc. stopped provoking me.

Of course you'll always have your kryptonite and mine is... PIZZA.
I know that's a trigger of mine, so I try to avoid buying it in general.

In any case, I would have a talk with the hubs to see if he could attempt to support you in eating better.
I'm back on track!
Lost 50 lbs. in 2011, gained a bit back after pregnancy.
If did it once, I can do it again!

Goal #1: 190 lbs. - Met April 29, 2013
Goal #2: 180 lbs. - Met June 9, 2013
Goal #3: 170 lbs. - Met September 6, 2013
Goal #4: 160 lbs.
Goal #5: 150 lbs.
The BIG Goal: 145 lbs.

Joined: Jun 11
Posts: 96

Posted: 26 Apr 2013, 16:38
Diablo360x wrote:
You can still have those foods, just less of it. Abstaining from them is harder than having them in moderation. They are just calories. Count them.

I'm not sure how you all feel, but I find it much easier not to have sugars/carbs around the house PERIOD. It is just too tempting when you have an ED. I have tried for years to eat them in moderation and it just doesn't work.

Joined: Mar 11
Posts: 1,552

Posted: 30 Apr 2013, 16:25
My hubby and kids don't like to eat well either and it has taken me almost 2 years to convince my hubby that eating well will benefit us all in the long run. We still have "bad" foods, but I'm trying to at least gradually get us from eating junk for dinner to having healthier options. I've stopped buying the junk, so if the hubby wants it he'll have it without me around and I'm not tempted because it's not in the house. Wanting to be healthy is not superficial, so don't listen to the hubby there. I used to feel like my hubby was going against me trying to be healthy, but over the last couple of years he's come around and is at least supportive of me trying to do healthy things for myself, and he's more open to eating healthier when I'm doing the shopping and cooking. I think seeing me happier and with more energy has made him realize this is good for me.
Goals for 2018:
Do 20 consecutive push-ups
Use 10 lb. weights for a whole workout
Get one mile pace under 11 mins.
Get stronger physically and mentally

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 208

Posted: 30 Apr 2013, 23:35
I know how you feel, my husband burns around 5000 calories on some days mountain biking and eats constantly. I would suggest finding lower calories substitutes for the foods you are feeling deprived of. For instance, I saw that you mentioned you like beer, so do I. I switched to non-alcoholic beers which have around 60 calories and don't slow down the fat burning process like alcoholic beverages do.

Joined: Jan 12
Posts: 15

Posted: 21 May 2013, 17:48
Dear roseomg, I know how frustrating not being happy with your weight and having people tell you that it's ok is...I'm 6ft tall and am what is considered a "healthy" weight and people always say that or that it's ok because I am so tall. I wonder to myself how healthy a weight it can be if I'm not happy with myself. Do this for you...I feel like sort of a hypocrite for saying that cause I am a girl who has spent her whole life doing what others want her to do, but no more! I am doing things because I want to or not doing them cause I don't want to. I want to be down to 140, so I'm working to get back there.

I don't know about the hubby part...I no longer have one. I know the frustration of what feels like a lack of support, though. I live with my mom (she's 73 and starting to forget turning burners off)and I don't really get support from her, just put downs. One thing I did a couple of years ago when I started gaining weight and was worried about the obesity that runs in my family was I went and saw a nutritional doctor. He sat down and talked to me about how I ate, what I ate and made a plan for me so that I wasn't living on a permanent diet. For example, I love to drink coffee and milk (mine is 2 cups of coffee and 2 cups of milk in a mcdonlads supersize cup) and he said, ok if you enjoy drinking those, then cut at least one out a day (I was going through 2 12 cup pots of coffee a day) and switch to 1% milk. He also taught me ways to have things like chocolate when I am craving them...he said eat the mini tootsie rolls or mini 3 Muskateers because they have no fat and are smaller portioned. Maybe a doctor can help you do things like that...that way you can still enjoy the things that your husband is eating every once and a while. The doc also told me that I can still eat the things I love but moderation is the key.

Good luck!!

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 43

Posted: 21 May 2013, 18:27
Thanks for all of the inspiration and advice! To everyone who said that moderation is key, that's exactly how I'm taking this journey. Nice and slow with the occasional glass of wine (no more binge drinking on the weekends with friends). Husband still thinks I'm perfect but I am not so upset about his eating habits any more.

I realized that my jealousy was deep down caused by my own insecurities and my underlying eating disorder. NcNole, you are probably right about him eating the same way ten years from now and while that frightens me I know it's his choice. I can only be in control of my own body, and I remind myself of that whenever I'm worried about him.

To Cthulhu, I also took your advice and got a head start, it absolutely helped. Since he started seeing results without me constantly talking about it he sort of forgot I was dieting, and it was almost like a pleasant surprise.

To those of you with kids, I commend you. Those little buggers can be super difficult, I can't imagine having to feed a set of babes and look out for my own health as well.

JustJenifr, I'm sorry to hear about your mother's negativity. My mom was absolutely the same way while I was growing up and I think she directly contributed to my issues with food and eating. It sounds like you've got everything under control though, so good for you! I've been to nutritionists but I never get very good feedback from them since usually they just tell me what to eat, and aren't able to tackle the emotional/compulsive nature of my problems.

Bella, I agree that its way easier to simply not have sugar and carbs in the house but I have to compromise for husbo. Instead of getting rid of everything I'm added better choices to take up fridge space which has been working slowly. I absolutely understand what you mean though and almost agree (thus my OP)

Anyway, thanks ladies and gents.

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