Significant Others

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Mmmily

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 115

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 09:58
Does anyone have any advice on how to stay healthy while living with a less healthy significant other? My husband keeps telling me he supports me and he wants to help any way he can, but he also wants to grab cheeseburgers for lunch, and loves keeping junk food around the house. Whenever I lose a pound he thinks that means it's time to buy me a soda, even when I tell him no. Then he ends up drinking the extra soda so I won't be tempted.

He is overweight too, and we're supposed to be doing this together, but he's under the impression that his eating habits are fine and if he just runs 3-4 miles every once in a while he should lose weight. I do most of the cooking so our regular meals are healthy, but he always gets seconds (or thirds). When I try to talk to him about it, he always supports me, but it ends there. Plus he tries to keep me in bed every morning when I'm supposed to be going to the gym. I love him, and I know he really does want me succeed, but how can I get through to him that he is part of the problem and not the solution?
ellyfranklin

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 190

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 10:39
Stay strong and lead by example. Once he sees your success, he may want to join you. He has to WANT to do it though.
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 10:50
Tell him if he's going to keep you in bed he better make sure you get some exercise Wink

In all seriousness, you have to do it for you. And when (if) he's ready, he will start to change too. But there's nothing you can really do to convince another person this is something they should do. They have to come to that realization themselves or not at all. All you can do is lead by example. Make sure you don't use his choices as excuses to eat poorly yourself. This is one area we all have to go through because there will always be others eating fast food and wanting you to eat it too. You have to stand firm with yourself and realize that his choices are his and you have to make your own choices.
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
Jolene78

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 61

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 11:11
My husband completely isn't interested in dieting right now. We just eat different things for dinner. I just have to have more willpower to stay away from his side of the table.
Wmcphee

Joined: Nov 10
Posts: 8

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 11:16
I totally agree. My husband was blessed, his whole family is, to be able to eat whatever they want, whenever they want and never gain a pound. My family is just the opposite, if I so much as look at a piece of cake wrong...I am in trouble. So I just stay away and stay focused on my goal. We all love our significant others, but in the end your health is personal choice.
thqueenbe

Joined: Mar 09
Posts: 223

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 11:38
Oy...that's a tough one. And man, it sure is easier when both parties are active and healthy...it's motivating for each person after you get going.

I think for now, you have to do the grocery shopping, don't buy junk food for him. Tell him if he wants it, you'd really appreciate it if he keeps it at work or somewhere where you won't see it all the time.

And when you guys stop for cheeseburgers for lunch, be as good as you can and order something a smidge healthier. And make sure you tell him how that one 'off' meal affects the rest of your choices the rest of the day.

Finally, when he wants you to stay in bed; just say, 'I'm motivating myself here, sorry you won't come with me.'

Leave...go work out, and tell him how wonderful, accomplished, healthy you feel afterwards.. Wink
aumcchildren

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 38

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 11:41
You are so not alone. My husband is super skinny, my kids are small and super skinny. I am fat. Everytime I try to get the family eating healthy he brings in snacks after about one week. Little debbies and pop..he drinks it like water! I"m not a big pop drinker so I have him get me a 12 pack of diet and that last me a few months. This time I actually had to confront him about it. He made a comment a while back that was to the affect of if I lost weight I could get health coverage again. I told him just because he's skinny doesnt mean he's healthy because what he eats is horrible. I told him to go get his numbers and he said no because he might be denied also. I told him see your too scared to but I want to know if I"m close to a heart attack. My whole family has heart issues with high cholestrol and high blood pressure. He tried to support me this go around but then again..week into it brought devil squares in and a box of reduced fat cheese nips. I said what the heck are those doing in here. His defense, I bought the cheese nips so you can have that! WEll gee..let me see..I get cheese nips while you all are eating luscious, soft, creamy, chocolate cakes!! seriously! I resisted and I told him..look you do this every time and I am not going to let you do it anymore. YOu shouldnt eat it, the kids dont need it, and I dont want it. You want them? eat them in your truck before you get home! I told him that he does this everytime to sabotage me and he said he didnt realize it. We went out to eat and had to hit subway because there wasnt anything at any other place that I could/would eat. I had a 6 inch and watched him shove a footlong down. Its just horrid. The kids are learning about healthy eating in school so that is a plus. I tell them and myself that you can eat anything but just not a lot and not all the time. I have tremendous will power this time around.
My advice to you is get up, go to the gym. If he insists on you staying in bed tell him he needs to keep you "busy" or you're leaving. You could also say..well maybe I will tomorrow..and let tomorrow never come lol. You cant Make him do anything. He has to want it for himself. As far as cooking. I only make enough for my family to eat the correct portion size. I dont make "extra" for seconds. If they want something else to eat I tell them to eat fruit, that I"m done cooking.
I guess you could get mean and whatever he brings in you simply throw away once he is gone lol. I think you'd rather be sweet so just put down some ground rules for you to stay focused and lean on all of us who are going through the same thing.
Goals:
1. Eat the things I want; exercise when I want; make healthy choices; teach my kids a proper healthy lifestyle
2.Cover 600 miles(walk/run)from Oct 2010- Sep 5 2011--- Miles To date:63
3. Run 15K on Labor day
CMR

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 166

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 13:18
K8t is right. You probably can’t “make” him do anything he doesn’t want to. But speaking from a man’s point of view, I suggest making joining you in your a healthy lifestyle worth his while?

Obvious he can’t see the forest for the trees and therefore a “You’ll feel better if you do it” speech won’t work on him. Try appealing to his competitive nature. Every guy I know has one, albeit to varying degrees. My wife and I are doing Weight Watchers together but we’ve attached a Biggest Loser-style component as motivation.

Here are the rules that we mutually agreed to.

1. Official weigh-in is once per week (ours is Monday Morning, which makes you accountable over the weekend).

2. Track who wins each week by percentage (I weigh 240, my wife weighs 1--...well don’t worry about that. I have to lose 3 pounds to each 1.5-2 of hers to win the week).

3. Each person decides on 12 awards (i.e. Responsible dinner out, tickets to a ball game, movie, clothes, chores, donation to a vacation fund, etc).

4. Whoever wins more weeks during the 4 week period, wins the month. (Tie Breaker: add a 5th week)

5. The loser of the previous month pays for the reward.

Note: The game is always on and therefore the week you choose to go to dinner counts for the current award period.

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - Dean Vernon Wormer, Faber College, Animal House

"I was sick of being fat..." - Drew Carey
nops

Joined: Aug 10
Posts: 214

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 14:40
I feel your pain. When I started all this I was frustrated about a lot of the same things. Any time my husband cooks it's all salt and grease. He buys junk I have a hard time resisting. I also really wish he would try to lose weight as the doc has recommended it to get his blood pressure down and his asthma has kicked in- something he has had under control for many years. He also gest winded so easy nowadays.

I decided to be successful myself I need to leave him in the dust. I try to cook healthier meals when I cook and I still eat the food he cooks, but not a lot. If he cooks cheeseburgers, for example, I'll still eat the cheeseburger, but I skip the chips and pop and instead will snack on baby carrots and drink tea, milk, or water.

I've also asked him to put temptations he insists on buying up away from eyesight. The chips and junk he buys are above the fridge so I need a chair to reach them. I can resist them up there, but when he leaves them on the counter I have a hard time.

I do personally let myself indulge in some sweets, I just log them and make sure my activity is equal to my caloric intake and when not I work to get a little extra exercise the next day. If I tried to give up sweets altogether, I'd never make it.

My hubby has noticed my results and I hope I will inspire him, but I can't make him get on board anymore then you can make someone quit smoking or drinking. He needs to decide to do it. The only effort I've put into getting him to lose weight (since I decided I had to focus on my own success) is to invite him along when I do physical activities, but if he says no, I go without him.

Good Luck!
wwwtheworldofd.com
Mmmily

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 115

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 16:31
I appreciate all the advice/suggestions. It may come down to me doing all the grocery shopping. I'm hoping that once he see me losing more and more weight he'll get on board, or at the very least, get out of my way. And the more I lose, the more willpower I have to refuse all those goodies he keeps around.

k8yk wrote:
Tell him if he's going to keep you in bed he better make sure you get some exercise Wink



Thanks for the laugh. Laughing
needtoluzit5...

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 40

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 16:51
I know this may sound a little strange but: I also have the same problem with my man. The way I solved this was by placing all of his junk food in one cabinet, on the door of this cabinet I put a pic of me at my highest wt and a pic of me now, underneath this is a caption that says, " Pleze don't you have come so far." my man giggles when he goes to the snack cabinet but when he looks inside and says " I gues it's working they're all still there." It makes me very proud.
aumcchildren

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 38

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 19:06
I just thought I would share a milestone with my man since I dogged him up in an earlier post. Apparently my talk worked with him. I made dinner tonight. For him and my kids mac and cheese with hamburger. I would eat this but I have decided not to eat grain carbs after lunch. Anyway I made hambuger for me also but I put in onions, mushrooms, tofu, and a few cherry tomatoes. Then cooked it all and placed it on a cup of lettuce. I put a little mustard drizzled over and its basicly a hambuger salad. He looks at me and says..um why didnt you make that for all of us? lol. WOOHOO.
Goals:
1. Eat the things I want; exercise when I want; make healthy choices; teach my kids a proper healthy lifestyle
2.Cover 600 miles(walk/run)from Oct 2010- Sep 5 2011--- Miles To date:63
3. Run 15K on Labor day
Hoser

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 2,052

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 19:35
I don't live with either one of them, but both of my boyfriends have independently decided over the last few weeks that they want to lose weight. I suspect that they may have been motivated by watching me do the same thing and stick to my plan over the course of several months.

Before that, it was really just an exercise in following my own rules. My commitment to myself and my health is very strong, so it hasn't really been an issue. I can find something to eat no matter what, but if we're eating out I'll generally express my preference for something with a wider variety of healthy choices. If we wind up in a burger joint, then I'll just have a small burger, skip the fries, and make the rest of the meal as reasonable as I can.

After a couple of months of changing my lifestyle, I find that I'm not really all that interested in eating unhealthy amounts of food, or stuffing myself full of junk. It doesn't even sound good anymore.
Texas23

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 98

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 21:37
@Hoser... Both of your boyfriends??
"It's not a diet it's a life style change"

Milestones:
Reach below 200 - Done
Reach 190 - Done
Reach 180 - Done
Reach 170 - Done
Reach 160 - working on it

Hoser

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 2,052

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 22:30
Yes, both. My life is... interesting.
Pixiestyx

Joined: Oct 10
Posts: 559

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 22:44
Do they know about each other? Or is it really interesting lol. Long as you're happy and all its cool. Just don't marry them both and go on tv and say hey look at me like that family did . Talk about giving feds all the stuff they would need. Crazy stuff people will do for a quick buck.
Hoser

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 2,052

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 22:51
Yes, of course they know about each other. They're both stable long-term relationships. Do a web search for "polyamory", or contact me privately if you'd like to ask further questions, since it's not really on-topic. And no, I'm not likely to marry either of them, let alone both.
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 23:08
Can't we just start a thread called "discussing Hoser's love life"? Smile
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
dsylikm

Joined: Mar 09
Posts: 55

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 23:09
I was just thinking the same thing, k8yk! LOL!
Rosalyn
Hoser

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 2,052

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Posted: 07 Feb 2011, 23:53
Oh, please. I prefer Hoser's Harem.



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