I need to know.

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Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 31

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 20:27
Okay so I have been trolling the site, reading journals, trying to offer advice and support for about a month now. The one thing I do not understand is how anyone can encourage UNHEALTHY behavior. Just like eating too much is unhealthy, so is eating too little.

But my main irk and question is what in the heck are some of you thinking when you actually offer someone that is obviously UNDERWEIGHT advice on how to lose more weight. And I don't mean someone that's 5'3" and 120 pounds. I am talking 5'7" and weighing 100 pounds. How can seriously encourage them to lose more weight? Do you not have a conscious? I realize it isn't YOUR life but it is a life that matters.

Okay, maybe I am being judgmental tonight but I am disgusted...not with people that suffer with anorexia because it is a SICKNESS that has to be dealt with...but it isn't going to help them if others encourage them to continue doing it.

Rant over, sorry for posting it but I know I wouldn't be happy until I did. It's been on my mind a lot lately.

And if anyone does happen to read this that has this problem please get help, please do not starve yourself. It is not beautiful and it won't make you feel good.

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 200

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 20:28
Sometimes I read some of the things people write in their diaries and worry that they are actually ill.

Joined: Oct 10
Posts: 1

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 20:42
Good for you, I am glad that you posted that rant. I am new here but it sounds like it needed to be said.

Joined: Jul 09
Posts: 337

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 21:07
I'm afraid to give one of the people on the "eat all you want one day a week" challenge any advice. She weighs 89 pounds and expects to GAIN weight (her goal is 90) on 400 a day plus one day a week gorge. If she's been eating less than that, how has she been surviving? Her 400 calories for the day were 1 cup of cornflakes, 1 serving of ramen noodles and one serving of Lays Chips. OMG! I know she has to be anorexic and what do you say constructive to someone like that? That constitutes medical advice, and I'm definitely not qualified. I'm so afraid for people like her.

Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours. -- Swedish Proverb

Hara Hachi Bu! The problem is, when do you know you are? LOL!

Calories are the little buggers that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter.

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 13

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 21:11
It's definitely a serious problem. Unfortunately, people are not going to change until they are ready to change.
To improve at anything, we must at some point push ourselves outside our comfort zone.

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 22:19
Unfortunately that comes with the territory. Since this is a free site that is not specific to any particular "diet," many members are following unhealthy ones. I have definitely come across a few & although their posts are hard to read, I can look back at times in my life I made dumb decisions while trying to lose weight. When I was ready to do it in a healthier way, I did, & that had nothing to do with anything anyone said to me. It just felt right for me. So if it bothers me so much I can't let it go, I will say what's on my mind as nicely as I can to clear my conscience, then I let it go & move on. That's all we can do.

Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
2010: 50.4 lbs lost | 2011:17 lbs lost | 2012: 1 lb gained
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Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 97

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 22:31
Eating disorders are actually one of the MOST difficult emotional and mental disorder to overcome, and it's a struggle they could continue to have the rest of their life.

I have seen these posts, and it's hard to know what to say or do when everything on this site is meant to be inspiring and supportive. I agree there is a concern, but if someone truly is suffering from an eating disorder such as anorexia/bulimia they NEED professional help asap, and most of them refuse to admit they do, so it's up to loved ones to get them the help they need.
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Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

Posted: 04 Oct 2010, 22:41
There are a lot of people with eating disorders on this site. It is often very clear to everyone around them, sometimes not clear to them. A person might not really know how thin they are. She probably really believes she is still fat. That is part of the disease. Any attempt to convince them otherwise can often be met with resistance and anger. Depending on the context, I will sometimes send the person a PM with phone numbers for help lines and an offer to listen if they need to talk. Some people are very grateful that someone cares.

But there are also those who support each others' eating disorders. Some people believe that an eating disorder is a lifestyle choice, and they wear it like a badge of honor.

I honestly think many fat people got that way due to an eating disorder. And a lot of times, it is easier to switch to the other extreme than to really take a hard look at yourself and make good balanced choices. Because to make good choices for yourself, you really need to care about and respect yourself. If you do, you will be much more likely to take care of yourself and care about your own well being. One of the marks of an eating disorder is a feeling of worthlessness, of never being good enough, and of wanting to disappear.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But let's be real, 100 pounds or less is not a reasonable weight for 99.9% of adults. Usually when you take a look at the persons diet calendar, it is very clear what's going on... If they aren't buddies only or private.

All you can do is be there for peole who want to listen. The rest will do what they want regardless.
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Joined: Oct 10
Posts: 3

Posted: 05 Oct 2010, 02:04
Johanne wrote:
I'm afraid to give one of the people on the "eat all you want one day a week" challenge any advice. She weighs 89 pounds and expects to GAIN weight (her goal is 90) on 400 a day plus one day a week gorge. If she's been eating less than that, how has she been surviving? I know she has to be anorexic and what do you say constructive to someone like that? That constitutes medical advice, and I'm definitely not qualified. I'm so afraid for people like her.

Hey Johanne!
Believe it or not, she actually might be able to gain weight on that plan, depending on her age, height, etc. The best case scenario would be that she is trying to begin the recovery process, or get back "on the wagon". For all we know, she may have been averaging 300-350 cals daily before that, with no "allowed" day to just 'eat whatever'. Think of how it is when starving people from third world countries are rescued.. they have to be refed very gradually. For an 89 pound full grown woman anoretic to say that 90 pounds is her goal, that could just be a sign of amazing will to work thru her disease.
Ok so here's my thoughts on what it's like in that world (or at least kind of); I will use an analogy, putting myself in the their shoes.. Right now I weigh 138, and I am out of shape, so my goal is to get back in shape (and consequently lose 10-15 lbs) .
Now, let's say that people were telling me things like I was grossly underweight at 138, I was actually 'in perfect shape', and I was deluded in thinking I looked out of shape... Let's say that doctors told me that I was likely going to die if I did not gain fifty pounds. I might feel painfully intolerably out of shape and uncomfortable with my body with that added 50 lbs, but if I really got it into my head that the alternative was that I would die if I stayed at my current weight, I would work to gain that weight. I used 50 lbs as the example, because one pound in the mind of an 89 lb anoretic is just as 'menacing' as 50 lbs might seem to me, or any of us non-ED sufferers.
I am SO GLAD I'm not stricken with an ED, because it's literally like being possessed by something that forbids you from eating, and when 'your body' does manage to eat, emotional chaos ensues. Hopefully this helps people here a little because I know that one thing that can further trigger an ED person is 'outsider non-understanding'. Somebody on this thread said it- the only way they'll change is on their own terms, there ain't anything we can do or say, but the least harm can be done by understanding as much as possible, and offering an abundance of support when they do reach out for help. Smile

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 31

Posted: 05 Oct 2010, 05:39
Just to clarify I was not pointing my rant or aggravation at those that have eating disorders. Like someone else stated, I'm overweight and I know I have a problem with eating.....but to encourage me to eat more is wrong right?

My issue is with those that offer advice on how to lose more weight to people struggling with eating disorders like anorexia. What I may or may not say may have no effect but then again it may have a major effect on someone's choices as well.

I am just pretty much frustrated with seeing it...I realize I can't stop it but that I felt the need to say what I said for my own peace of mind.

As far as the calories go...I don't care what anyone says...eating less than 1200 calories a day (for women) is unhealthy at ANY weight. Calories help provide energy.

I also realize that people will try to lose weight, even those of us that actually do need to lose weight, in unhealthy manners. I try not to judge because before coming on here I did it many times. My only point is, as a community of "supporters", I just don't think it's ok to support those unhealthy habits. And once again, I know I can't change that....I simply needed to get it off my chest!

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