My open letter

4 PAGES
1 | 2 | 3 | 4
previous topic · next topic
britt-a-knee

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 175

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 19:48
Even though I haven't been involved in most of the forum discussions gone bad, I still like to browse through forums and learn new things. It's always helpful to hear different peoples opinions. All of the arguing is a bit ridiculous though.

I remember the beginning of this year when I first discovered the site I was doing Atkins. Whenever I sought guidance on my new diet I found myself caught in the middle of the debates against Atkins, it was similar to the way discussions are now regarding HCG. I got sick of everyone arguing through the forums and trying to team up against differing opinions. So sick that I gave this website up. I didn't keep up with tracking calories anymore and gained what weight I had lost plus some.

I'm really hoping that all the heated discussions will die down and hopefully not drive people away like it did to me before.

I'm glad I'm back and on track, even though it's not Atkins now. But please for the sake of others, try to get along Smile
"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
Will Rogers
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 19:51
Amen!
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
sheripickle

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 660

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 19:54
we are in control of what threads we open, what we respond to, who we buddy and what we say....... we can track calories here without ever even opening a thread. we can post if we have a question and only check that thread...... we are in control of our own actions... Smile wishing everyone the best of luck in their journey to better health Smile
~Cheryl~
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:03
Just wish in those actions people acted like adults who can have constructive positively charged, educational discussions meant to motivate rather then bickering pubescents with no intent but to segregate and exclude.
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
britt-a-knee

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 175

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:34
Kingcole35 wrote:
Just wish in those actions people acted like adults who can have constructive positively charged, educational discussions meant to motivate rather then bickering pubescents with no intent but to segregate and exclude.


exactly
"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."
Will Rogers
sooki

Joined: Dec 09
Posts: 795

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:43
OK, but sometimes, it's really hard to not be drawn in.

Since we are unmoderated, I think it's best to ignore the threads that go bad. And, I try to practice what I preach. But...

Honestly, I think some of this recent stuff is very troll like. So, I should work even harder to ignore it. But, if it's going to affect the quality of the boards, it's hard to just ignore it. I'd like the trolling to disappear. It's dumb. It would SUCK if the forums here just became a big old HCG support group.
DISCLAIMER: I expect to lose this weight over the next 6 months to 5 years. I'm not going to feel like a failure if it takes an entire month to lose 1 pound. I'm going to feel like a success when that happens! I may offer advice that I'm currently not taking myself. Feel free to call me on that!
justbreathe

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 232

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:50
I agree...could we try to focus on what we agree on, instead of the negatives?

Exercise is like meditation. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Trust your Self. Reach for the moon. Not the fingers pointing to it.
rjenkins27

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 830

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:58
I actually like the bickering as I find it somewhat entertaining.

This probably makes me sound like a bad person, but it is very interesting to see how passionate people are about certain aspects of their diet or their "buddies".

I don't like when it gets personal. That's just not right, but this is the internet and some people think anything goes on the internet.

I haven't been truly angry in many years. It occurred to me long ago that it accomplishes little, and I'm usually the one to suffer from it.

Plus, how many calories does a rant burn?




I work for the Department of Redundancy Department
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 20:58
Yeah that would suck but it would also and does suck when it's a HCG or Atkins or nutrasystem or whatever floats your boat witchhunt. We should seriously just practice live and let live. We all need to practice some restraint and all of us remember why we are here. Since we are unmoderated we need to be our own personal moderators and know as individuals that this stuff isn't helping anyone. This after marked a week solid of my page being polluted with this negativity. I have enough of that at home in my life which is why I come here for support. I don't need or want to see it here. When I first came on here there was none this garbage. Why are people (on both sides) being so catty? Is it because it's beach bod season? Enquiring minds want know! I just hope it stops soon or I might go the way of the buffalo.
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
CCM93

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 33

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:10
rjenkins27 wrote:
Plus, how many calories does a rant burn?
lol

How about we agree to make a pact with ourselves? Self-moderation. I'm sure we can all be good characters of judgement. If something is turning into an arguement, we just quit no matter how right we may think we are.

A good idea may be to get one buddy to call you out on it if you go too far. On PM only though, no doing it in public chats.
keithd112

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 204

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:22
You guys can hate on me all you want for saying this but its just a forum, thats it. Letting two bickering sides stop you from dieting is silly and sounds like a lame excuse. Don't go to the forums if it bothers you but keep track of your calories and food. If I let things like a diet forum throw me off I would have a very miserable life. I got tired of arguing myself so I post on occasion in more positive threads. I sometimes get sucked into negative issues still but usually last 2 posts and realize its pointless to argue. Don't take things like fat secret posts to heart.
Train hard expect results
sooki

Joined: Dec 09
Posts: 795

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:23
the only problem with that is that everyone has to agree to avoid the ugliness.

And, King, I'm willing to support any diets that aren't self destructive. I can ignore those threads because in most cases, it's a waste of time to try and change someone's mind. I really can. I haven't all the time, but I'm getting better. But, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate when someone tries to say "Hey! There's a better way!" If someone came here asking for advice on how to binge and purge, I would hope that someone would step up and list the ill effects of purging. It might not change the purger's mind, but maybe it would. Sometimes, taking the attitude of Live and let live is really taking the attitude of Live and Let Die. I guess it's the same thing at the end of the day.
DISCLAIMER: I expect to lose this weight over the next 6 months to 5 years. I'm not going to feel like a failure if it takes an entire month to lose 1 pound. I'm going to feel like a success when that happens! I may offer advice that I'm currently not taking myself. Feel free to call me on that!
obakemono

Joined: Jul 09
Posts: 308

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:33
Nicely said, sooki, especially the "Sometimes, taking the attitude of Live and let live is really taking the attitude of Live and Let Die" comment.

I also find it hard to ignore posts about dangerous diets, especially when very young people are posting about it or are attracting other very young people.

****************************************************
PETER LORRE:...."How bout some jellied spiders...rabbit's blood?......deadman's hair?"
VINCENT PRICE:.."No...we don't keep those things in this house.....we're vegetarians!!"
('The Raven' - 1963)
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:38
Keith did I say it's going to stop me from changing myself? I don't think I did at all. I'm not making excuses. If you actually read what I said it's the fact that people come here to be educated, motivated, and supported. This is not just a simple tool to keep track of calories for many. If I wanted to do that I could simply take a post it and a pencil from a drawer and so that. People are here for positive reinforcement and motivation.

God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
keithd112

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 204

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:44
I was referring to the original poster. Stop over reacting, I see you do it on almost every post.
Train hard expect results
kanan123

Joined: Dec 09
Posts: 324

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:52
keithd112 wrote:
I was referring to the original poster. Stop over reacting, I see you do it on almost every post.

I guess we have learned nothing...nothing with change, and yes the reason why people are here is they need more support then just counting calories..they need guidance, friendship, someone to make them feel they are worth something..many people who deal with weight issues also deal with self esteem issues. The mentality of "build a bridge and get over it" is not needed here and it is not useful.
keithd112

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 204

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 21:58
Sometimes you get stronger by picking yourself up and not yelling for help.
Night everyone
Train hard expect results
CCM93

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 33

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 22:09
kanan123 wrote:
I guess we have learned nothing...nothing with change, and yes the reason why people are here is they need more support then just counting calories..they need guidance, friendship, someone to make them feel they are worth something..many people who deal with weight issues also deal with self esteem issues. The mentality of "build a bridge and get over it" is not needed here and it is not useful.


Some people aren't doing this with their relative/ best friend/ etc., and this is what this site is for. Support, someone making the change with them, not arguing or fighting.
Kingcole35

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 274

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 22:15
Ok I'm going to take the high road and step away from that attack.

Kanan thank you. That's exactly my thought process behind this all. To many this is a support group much like the meetings at weight watchers and such but with much more interaction.
God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need. The rest is up to us.

"If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk." ~Raymond Inmon


I started My journey on May 6, 2010 and this is what I've done so far:
kstubblefiel...

Joined: May 10
Posts: 1,400

      quote  
Posted: 15 Jul 2010, 22:30
Britt, I feel you girl & it's sad that the snarkiness pushed you to leave the site at one time. Although I agree the bickering is pretty ridiculous, it doesn't affect my desire to get healthy & drop this extra weight in the slightest because I've already made the decision to do it & that's that.

I am all about free speech & expressing opinions, & every "fight" I've seen actually did start out as a thought-provoking discussion. Then somewhere along the way someone said something condescending, someone else refused to let it slide & the rest is history...transforming the thread from something potentially interesting & educational to "who effen cares, I wish people would stop commenting so it can stop showing up in my feed!"

I know I can't change it & the people who just HAVE to make their opinions known will continue to do so. I don't really care. The only thing that bothers me about the whole deal is that this DOES NOT BENEFIT NEWCOMERS IN ANY WAY. Yes, mentally I feel I am in a very secure place as far as my weight loss is concerned & that continues to serve me well. But that's not the case for everyone here.

Every day more & more new people are led to this site seeking support & motivation, sometimes out of shame or desperation, & it hurts my heart to think that someone in a vulnerable state like that would happen upon this great place in the midst of one of those nasty threads & because of that, not give this site a chance to help them save their own life.

I'm not going to tell everyone to grow up or whatever...we should all keep in mind that the words we choose & the ways we react to others show what we wish to contribute to this community.

Newcomers: If you see exchanges like the ones referenced here, please don't let that shape your opinion of this site. The vast majority of the members are supportive, kind people who have been or still are where you are, & there is a lot of good stuff here. It's just that every so often crap gets mixed in between the helpful posts, so as long as you can figure out which ones to ignore you're all good. Wink
Kat | NO EXCUSES, JUST RESULTS | Next milestone - 256: 60 lbs lost
2013: still up from 1/1, but coming back down...
2010: 50.4 lbs lost | 2011:17 lbs lost | 2012: 1 lb gained
How I did it: http://stubbysticks.wordpress.com/weight-loss-summary-by-month/



Forum Search
Advanced forum search



Latest Posts

Add featur: sync to garmin
Would like to be able to sync garmin with fatsecret.
by ragbrai1 on 25 Nov 17 10:20 PM
Can you add food that is not in the list
yes .. on the fatsecret.com website, start typing into where you would search for a food item, and a little "+ add new food item" option appears just below the window that shows the search r ...
by rhills on 25 Nov 17 11:09 AM
Feature Request. Rolling Week
Look way at bottom of screen .. there is a "contact" link which sends them either an email or a PM. I've used that before and gotten a response.
by rhills on 15 Nov 17 01:57 AM
Ads
I still enjoy this story; lowered cholesterol, figured out it isn't where you eat but it is what you eat. http://abc7.com/health/teacher... This teacher has the data to support his journey/WOE/c ...
by Terrapin12 on 14 Nov 17 05:46 AM
Default to "Today" on Reports tab
I think it depends how you get to the reports screen. If you come from the Today button at the bottom of the Diary screen, it plonks you into the Pie chart for today.
by James Poole on 13 Nov 17 05:01 PM