A family thing

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elderboots

Joined: Oct 07
Posts: 13

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Posted: 25 Oct 2007, 08:09
Everything my family does revolves around food. I never thought about until my weight got out of control. Does anyone else have this problem? I find that it is so hard to diet, when the people around you EAT ALL THE TIME. Its not just that they eat, but they try to push it on me! Come on, it wont hurt you, why are you not eating? My mother is the worst."If your not going to eat then I wont either". The guilt trip. It is so hard, when every celebration involves a large meal and a huge hunk of cake. Anyone have any tips on how to cope with being surrounded by food?
Lilasmom

Joined: Jul 07
Posts: 28

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Posted: 25 Oct 2007, 08:34
I would suggest that when you are around family, try not to bring attention to what you are eating. You can always take a small serving of whatever fattening food is being served and push it around your plate. If you don't bring attention to your way of eating others likely won't notice so much.

On the other hand, you could always say, "I'm paying a lot of money to be on Weight Watchers" and need to save my POINTS. Very Happy If your mom doesn't eat because of you, that is her choice.

Lillian93940

Joined: Jul 07
Posts: 18

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Posted: 25 Oct 2007, 23:45
I think that family and weight issues are absolutely the hardest. After all, that's where we learned to self-destruct with food, isn't it?

I think that this is an issue where you absolutely MUST be firm, and set your boundries. Your family (no one's family) will not be comfortable with the change you've chosen to make regarding your food, and eating. (your not eating unhealthy foods makes them look bad) However, when we go on WW what we're doing is un-learning self-destructive eating habits that we learned at mother's knee, and replacing those negative behaviors with healthy, life-affirming ones. THAT is your goal. Your goal is not to please your family, or to alleviate their discomfort with the changes in your life.

You are not hurting them by becoming healthy. Nor is it your responsibility to make them feel good about what you do, or do not, eat. Don't buy into the guilt trip.

This is not an easy thing to deal with, but if you suceed in staying legal you MUST be firm in your boundries with food and not eating in-volume at family gatherings. I have the same kind of family, and yes, some of my family have said I think I'm too good to eat with them now. Well, I can't self-destruct just because me being healthy makes them uncomfortable... I'm afraid it comes down to that.

Best of luck, and remember, you're worth having a healthy body! I feel the utmost compassion for you in dealing with your very selfish family.
darcyrenee04

Joined: Jun 07
Posts: 6

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Posted: 29 Oct 2007, 09:50
I think the answer is simple. You know what you want for yourself, and you need to let your family know that you're not giving in...eventually they will give in and stop guilt tripping you. The best way to show them that is to not eat food they're pushing on you. Easier said than done, right? I have a 6 month old son. I tried dieting on my own for a while, which worked...Caring for a newborn doesn't give you much time to eat, or do anything else for that matter...Eventually I got on a schedule and made -plenty- of time for food. I started gaining back the weight I had already lost. My family and friends -always- eat out or cook big meals. They cook a big meal at least twice a week, and they act like I'm crazy for not eating on this special occasion that they cooked for...a special occasion that does not exist. When I decided to start paying for meetings my family discouraged me from paying for WW. They said, "You can lose weight on your own, you don't need to pay someone else just so you can weigh in." I bought that for a while...Until I realized I was still gaining weight. I follow program...When my family cooks I eat some of the stuff they fix. I measure it all out and don't eat nearly as much as before...I buy bags of microwave veggies to add to my plate in place of all the fattening food I'm not eating. I still struggle w/my friends and family pushing food on me and trying to make me feel like there's nothing wrong w/the stuff they eat. You just need to realize that they don't think there's anything wrong w/the foods they eat, because they don't want to feel bad themselves. The thing that helps me most is simply telling everyone that they don't need to offer me food. I say, "I'm not hungry, why do you want me to eat?" and, "I don't want this food or that food, because I don't want that as much as I want to be skinny and healthy." I found that at times I was just eating b/c ppl were offering me food...I wasn't even hungry! It's tough, but not impossible. I try not to blame my family for my mistakes. Even though they're not helpful at times, I just remember that I alone am responsible for what I eat...no one can force me to do anything.
sararay

Joined: Sep 07
Posts: 1,688

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Posted: 29 Oct 2007, 13:33
I actually had the same problem, but with my co-workers. I actually didn't become overweight until I started working full-time. (not that I blame my co-workers, but it is a totally different eating culture than I was used to) I always ate healthy, home-cooked foods and lots of vegetables at home. When I went to work, people would want to go out to lunch, the boss would buy donuts or bagels once a week, every other day someone brought in a "treat" to share, and don't get me started on holidays! I didn't think much about it because I never had trouble keeping my weight down eating what I normally ate, so I didn't have to watch it much. The junk food affected my metabolism and having it constantly around was what made me graze all the time. I got a lot of negative comments when I stopped eating what everyone else ate and it took me years to learn to deal with being looked at strange when I ate my healthy food while everyone else ate the junk food. I still get comments about it and people at work think I'm a health nut. I don't care any more. I know they think I judge them when I don't eat what they eat, but I don't, it is just their concience saying that maybe it is not good for them either. People don't like to have to face that they should change something in their life. Holding my ground when they offer it to me (and they still do) makes them feel bad about themselves. I am sorry for that, but it isn't my choice that makes them feel bad, it is their choice. All I say is "thank you, but I can't have that". We have to be non-negotiable to be successful. I feel for you since you have to deal with it with your family, and some of my coworkers are like family too sometimes and it can be almost as difficult because I see them all week long.

Be strong.

Love the food that loves you back.

Take it one day at a time!
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