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mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 17 Aug 2013, 18:34
I did 10 one arm push-ups this morning,
I was trying to get up off of the floor without putting down my wine.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 17 Aug 2013, 18:35
A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic. Her husband told her to prove it.
She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my boobs biggest of all.''
Sure enough, they grew huge.
The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my dick touch the floor.''
His legs fell off.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 17 Aug 2013, 18:35
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 17 Aug 2013, 18:36
Wife to her overweight husband: Last night there were two pieces of cake in this pantry and now there is only one. How do you explain that?
Husband: I guess it was so dark that I didn't see the other piece.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 17 Aug 2013, 18:36
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 18 Aug 2013, 14:26
As we all know, it takes one calorie to heat one gram of water one degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source: your body fat.

For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 ounces, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal/gm/deg. x37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus, the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer. Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.

Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 18 Aug 2013, 14:29
Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
-- Mark Twain

Give me a dozen heartbreaks...if you think it would help me lose one pound.
-- Colette

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
-- Erma Bombeck

No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
-- George Bernard Shaw

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
-- Hermione Gingold

Never eat more than you can lift.
-- Miss Piggy

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
-- Jean Kerr

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
-- Erma Bombeck

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.
-- Erma Bombeck

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like-just don't swallow it.
-- Harry Secombe

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.
-- Jackie Gleason

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
-- James Beard
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 953

      quote  
Posted: 18 Aug 2013, 15:48
Mummy you're the best Smile


I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 18 Aug 2013, 20:20
kingkeld

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,978

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 03:43
Smile
"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, and living healthy. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier!
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 03:58
mummydee

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 1,725

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 04:04
CONCERNED about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humour. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises," I told the instructor. She gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied with a laugh.
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 953

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 06:25
Haha ... is that 332 months .... LOL Smile


I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.
kingkeld

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,978

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 08:47
"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, and living healthy. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier!
Re Becca

Joined: Sep 12
Posts: 727

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 12:39
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Re Becca

Joined: Sep 12
Posts: 727

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 12:40
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Re Becca

Joined: Sep 12
Posts: 727

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 12:46
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
ClassicRocke...

Joined: Jan 13
Posts: 812

      quote  
Posted: 22 Aug 2013, 13:17
Laughing



Goal: 160 by 5/1/2014
155 or less by 9/1/2014

May I be free to be the me that I came into this world to be.
kingkeld

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,978

      quote  
Posted: 23 Aug 2013, 06:42
"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, and living healthy. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier!
onedaat

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 326

      quote  
Posted: 23 Aug 2013, 07:00
Skeptical Third World Kid Responds to Weight Watchers

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"It is in vain to speak of cures, or think of remedies, until such time as we have considered the causes . . . cures must be imperfect, lame, and to no purpose, wherein the causes have not first been searched.”

- Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. - Mark Twain

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