Skewed image of our bodies

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Snowflake29

Joined: Nov 10
Posts: 67

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Posted: 22 Nov 2010, 21:57
hlr1112 wrote:
This time, I will not fail and one cookie, is no longer cause to eat an entire cake!


Jillian Michaels says that in her book "winning by losing" and that has actually made me feel a lot better about doing my life change again. But this time I KNOW I will stick to it.

My mom used to always call herself fat, and if I'm part of her then I must be too right? Then she announced one day that "you went through an ugly phase, but I was being a good mom by telling you that you were pretty..." and there went every ounce of self-esteem I may have had left. (She was not the nicest mom around...and I still say this after years of being on my own.)

Anyway, I went through a period of only wearing sweat pants in high school because I didn't like the way I looked. I was about 145 in high school, which was a healthy weight for my height. I gained to 163 after my grandma died and 6 months later started dating someone (who is still special to me, although we're just friends) and I dropped weight down to 135. I was proud of myself for about a day. After having my daughter I dropped to 147 but couldn't lose those last 2 pounds. I was a new mom and almost the size I was in high school! Why couldn't I love myself! I thought I was beautiful for about a second. But I didn't feel like my husband felt that way about me so that's when the weight gain started again. I started eating a huge case of chocolate chip cookies and a gallon of milk every couple days. I was in the military at the time and as soon as I did my final PT test before separating from the military I kinda gave up on myself.

Sorry to ramble on about my history... but this time I've realized that no one else can build my self esteem, and I will TRULY be happy when the mental image I have of myself is the same one that I see in the mirror. No one will be able to take that away from me. Smile
"Pain is weakness leaving the body" - Jillian Michaels
sheripickle

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 660

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 12:06
same thing here....... I look back on pictures from when I considered myself fat...wow, I looked really good Sad I still have up and down days where I should be sooo happy with my loss, but see pictures of certain angles and slip right back into the same thinking Sad
~Cheryl~
BrookeAaron1...

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 56

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 15:03
I'm the opposite as far as I was always bigger in school then I am now. I can't even remember a time I was ever at this low of a weight. I grew up getting teased all the time. My stepdad was horrible he used to make fun of me so bad for being "fat" and ugly that I used to run away from the dinner table crying. My grandmother always used to ask me how much I either weighed or how much weight I had gained just to make a point I was fat. My Mom was bad too plus I have 6 brothers that just like to torture their sister. Now everything is completely opposite. Even now my husband has said I couldn't get over 150-160 or he might cheat and leave again. Luckily I have seen the light on that situation. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to lose 15 pounds or so. I keep getting told I'm too skinny, I'm going to blow away, I'm awkwardly skinny, my brother watched me eat a cheeseburger just to make sure I ate it completely because I need to gain weight. I just feel like there is no happy medium. I walk down the street or see other women while I'm out and I still feel so fat compared to them. I seem to still have the "fat girl" mind frame most days. On my good days though I'm proud of myself. I'm 5'5", 134 and I have gotten in the best shape of my life after having 2 kids. Those days are rare so I would like them to get more frequent. I wish there was less cruelty in the world. I make sure to tell my daughter and my son how beautiful and handsome they are all the time. I have learned that the first example a child is going to see is their parent so I make sure to tell them not only that but that they're smart, funny, kind, polite. I never want to be the reason for anyone's low self esteem. I know at 3 1/2 my dauhter is already wishing for straight hair like everyone else. I've had to sit her down and tell her God made her special for a reason curly hair or straight. It's awful how hard to fit in the world can be sometimes
*~* Stephanie*~*

"No Man Is Rich Enough To Buy Back His Past." -Oscar Wilde

"Experience Is Simply The Name We Give Our Mistakes." -Oscar Wilde
doomgirl101

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 80

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 15:07
yeah I it all depends on yourself and your height. my 6 ft 2in friend is 180 pounds and I always tell her that she's beautiful and thin, but she never believes me... the only thing i can say about the different body image is that i use to be 266 pounds and couldn't do anything but felt like i could do everything... now im 133 pounds. I can piggy back on my friend and my brother can carry me, but I fell so heavy that I'm afraid to let them.
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 17:18
BrookeAaron124 wrote:
...Even now my husband has said I couldn't get over 150-160 or he might cheat and leave again.


Pardon my French but seriously, f##k that. What an asshole. I want to meet this douche so I can punch him in the face. Any asshat who would say that sort of thing to his wife doesn't deserve to be married. Seriously, that really pisses me off.

Your value is not determined by your weight. Period. People who make you feel that way aren't worth your time
My blog, This is not a Diet:
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inertiatic

Joined: Nov 10
Posts: 29

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 17:44
i am really disturbed that somebody would say something like that to their significant other. or to anybody, i guess.

you know, speaking of people who give us skewed body image ideals..
ferlengheti

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 200

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 17:45
@Kate - AMEN.

@BrookeAaron124 - Honey, you're gorgeous. And regardless of weight, you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves you entirely, and faithfully. Nothing makes us feel worse than knowing that we're not good enough for our partner to stay faithful. I have a long history of being cheated on, and it's the cruelest and most disrespectful thing someone can do, short of actual abuse. I consider it mental and emotional abuse.

As Kate said, your value has nothing to do with your weight, size, or appearance. And by the same token, it should have nothing to do with the opinions of others. Easier said than done. But spending time with someone whose good opinion of you and fidelity depends on your weight is ultimately going to be really harmful.

I also noted you said "he might cheat and leave again". AGAIN?! He's done this to you before?? Have a think, sweetie. You deserve better.

There's been a theme recently on these forums of people recounting stories of the callous things people say, even when those people are close family, and I think it's appalling. We have the right to respect, dignity, and consideration, and, subconsciously, when we don't receive it, it hurts us profoundly.
I've never met a cheese I didn't like.
doomgirl101

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 80

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 17:58
k8yk wrote:
BrookeAaron124 wrote:
...Even now my husband has said I couldn't get over 150-160 or he might cheat and leave again.


Pardon my French but seriously, f##k that. What an asshole. I want to meet this douche so I can punch him in the face. Any asshat who would say that sort of thing to his wife doesn't deserve to be married. Seriously, that really pisses me off.

Your value is not determined by your weight. Period. People who make you feel that way aren't worth your time
if this were facebood i would like what you said... i completely agree
vanessa896

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 267

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 18:01
Oh my gosh I had to re read that part to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong that's really sad. He doesn't sound like the best person . Seriously WOW! I am in shock ...
BrookeAaron1...

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 56

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Posted: 23 Nov 2010, 20:10
k8yk wrote:
BrookeAaron124 wrote:
...Even now my husband has said I couldn't get over 150-160 or he might cheat and leave again.


Pardon my French but seriously, f##k that. What an asshole. I want to meet this douche so I can punch him in the face. Any asshat who would say that sort of thing to his wife doesn't deserve to be married. Seriously, that really pisses me off.

Your value is not determined by your weight. Period. People who make you feel that way aren't worth your time


Yeah, I'm seeming to understand that is not right as time goes on. We were both really young when we got married and we most likely shouldn't have. I am finally trying to get to a place where I am happy with myself first because no one else is going to be able to make me happy unless that happens first.
*~* Stephanie*~*

"No Man Is Rich Enough To Buy Back His Past." -Oscar Wilde

"Experience Is Simply The Name We Give Our Mistakes." -Oscar Wilde
Hungry...

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 20

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Posted: 24 Nov 2010, 10:41
I'm sure this is probably going to get me slammed, attacked and just overall skewered but I'm curious about this point.

Why the rage against her husband? Is it the "cheat" part or the weight limit?

EDIT: I don't want to hijack this thread because it's an important topic and needs more open and frank discussion. If you wish to answer my questions or discuss them please go here

Personal body image is something we all obviously struggle with and the realization that we're not alone can do wonders for someone.
Palesept

Joined: Jun 09
Posts: 42

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Posted: 24 Nov 2010, 13:50
My problems with weight started when I was young too. The comments came mainly from the kids at school and from my own doctor. The kids at school called me "fat" constantly. The thing was... I know that I was. And when I was 13, I weighed about 110 lbs. I don't know how bad that is, but my doctor apparently thought it was pretty awful because she told me to lose weight right away. Over the next year or so, I got down to about 80 lbs. and felt much better.

My weight has yo-yo'ed since then and it even got as high as 171 lbs. (long story!) But now I'm back to about 104. I'm still fat.

Oddity

Joined: Aug 10
Posts: 280

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Posted: 24 Nov 2010, 14:03
<i>Why the rage against her husband? Is it the "cheat" part or the weight limit? </i>

It's the controlling threat part.

If you are realistic, you get married with the expectation that your partner is going to get old at a minimum. They may lose their job, become incapacitated, who knows. Now in reality one partner may not have what it takes to ride out come what may. I know a woman who's husband was paralyzed from the neck down and she stayed with him over a decade, but ultimately being his caretaker was too much. She still loved him and tried to help him, but she got remarried. I didn't blame her, people can only take so much.

On the milder front, sure he might be less attracted to her at a higher weight. Reasonable humans might slip and falter. It's the threat. You better toe the line if you want to be with me.
Newoutlook

Joined: Nov 10
Posts: 30

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Posted: 03 Dec 2010, 05:40
Yea I have had that problem since a little before I hit puberty. My mother and father divorced.(To understand him is impossible and he was emotionally abusive) When we moved away my dad suddenly started taking me out to hang out. If we went out and ate it would be a hamburger and I would finish one be so full. He would order me another one and tell me to eat it.(made me eat it) After making me do this I started putting on pounds obviously. Everytime I would see him he would then proceed to tell me I am fat and I need to eat less. He would say this in front of people I know and friends. When I was with him (a few days) he would almost starve me by not letting me into the fridge or anything. (He would complain and say that I eat too much and not to touch his lunchmeats.) In short there was a lot going on there. At school I was already out of place having moved there and kids called me whale, fatso, lardbutt...a lot of things I don't like to mention. I was awkward already enough reaching puberty at the age of ten and I just kind of sunk into myself. At one time a kid was as cruel to ask if i was preggo. All this stuff just I locked into my little box in my chest. My mom was good at being positive and such but I never told her then how things were and how it made me feel. Mostly never told anyone until I had panic attack about going to school and I hate to say but going to talk to someone.(Being seen as I am and not fitting in..it seems at all)

It's crappy the way people treat you over pounds. You don't realize you were okay till you get older it seems. Now im 100 pounds over my old self. I can say though that despite people being callous that there are ones that build you up. I can look back now and say I looked good at 150 pounds. ( i was a little chubby but I would have it over 250 any day.)

When it comes down to it I think there are those who are nice and mention weight with concern.(It can be done not so nicely but no less they have concern. My dads wasn't genuine concern he just wanted control and to put me down.) Then there are those who look at anybody trying to evaluate them rather than themselves. Just so they can feel better.
Inthisguise

Joined: Nov 10
Posts: 18

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Posted: 03 Dec 2010, 10:03
On my honeymoon when I was 24, I was about 135 and thought I was soooo fat. I look at those pictures now and can't believe I thought that!

I'd be thrilled with 145 now.
"Patience is the art of hoping." ~ Luc de Clapier
lisaburz

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 24

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Posted: 03 Dec 2010, 11:56
I started gaining weight in H.S. and my weight has been a roller coaster also since.. Pills, Diet plans, Binges.. ect.. My Mother was the one that would always tell me I was FAT. Every visit to her "omg ur getting so fat!"..I thnk she thought maybe by telling me I would do something about it.. but like Im sure most of us have experienced made me just EAT MORE and GAIN MORE.. Took me at the age of 32 yrs old to finally realise I need to do something for myself and make my own decision to be healthy, not being told to do it. Better late than never :0) Good luck to you all on your weight loss GOALS!
Lisa
08/27/10 - 234 Starting weight when I joined Jenny Craig
11/20/10 - 197 Reached first goal in 14 weeks! Set new goal of 165.
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 1,076

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Posted: 21 Jan 2013, 14:25
Interesting old post - I continually say 'it's just a number' and that's not a cop out excuse to be fat. I'm working on being healthy and the scale is only one of many measures. I'm actually now 'smaller' physically than someone I know who weighs 50lbs less than me.


I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.
SergeantS

Joined: Dec 12
Posts: 28

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Posted: 21 Jan 2013, 15:10
Wow, it's amazing to see how there is ALWAYS a reason as to why people over eat and gain weight. I used to play a lot of football as a kid, all girls team, and was extremely muscular. My mum used to always say "you shouldn't play, you're getting thick man legs and you're only 11". So I became so self conscious about the size of my legs I refused to ever have them out in public, and I stopped playing football. My struggle with weight actually started when I was a lot younger, my mum was anorexic when I was born and my gran feared that because my mum had issues with food and her own weight, that she would allow me to starve. So my grandmother made a point of over feeding me so much as a toddler that I had to wear corrective shoes at nursery/play school because my little legs couldn't hold my own body weight. I remember being around 130lbs when I was 17 and thinking I was ridiculously fat and disgusting, little did I know that I would end up 'dieting' my way up to 202lbs by my 21st birthday. I'd do anything to be 130lbs again! I remember though the final straw was when I'd hit puberty and started developing curves before anyone else in my family and my dad took one look at me and said "you need to stop eating, you're getting to the point where it will be quicker to jump over you than to walk around you." I was 11. Funny how things people say can make such an impact in our adult lives..
Sweat like a pig, look like a fox

August 13th 2012: 202lbs (starting weight)
Christmas Day 2012: 169lbs
New Year's day 2013: Starting the Dukan Diet at 169.8lbs
1 Feb 2013: 160.4lbs
1 August 2013: 146lbs
astrid a

Joined: Dec 12
Posts: 30

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Posted: 21 Jan 2013, 15:43
I know exactly where by body imge got confused, I was a fat kid but had lost the excess as a teenager and maintained a bmi of 24 to 25 but when I was 18 I saw a doctor at the local hospital who never even looked up at me who just looked at my notes and said at 18yrs old you should weigh no more than 126lbs I am 5ft 8 tall with a large bone structure and my ribs stuck out at 160lbs. That would be classed as perfectly healthy now, but from that day I started worrying about food. When I was a little kid of about 5 I wanted to be an angel in nativity play at school but the teacher said God wouldn't allow fat angels. -that made me stop trying to behave like an angel in school and out I firmly believed that I would go to hell for being fat so didn't see the point in trying too hard to be good, but I did feel sort of cleansd of that when I lost weight at 13 or 14
Sometimes the only thing in life that you can control is what you put in your mouth!
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 1,076

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Posted: 22 Jan 2013, 13:12
I was thinking along these lines this morning again as the latest 'diet guru' was on the morning news and now labeled oatmeal, blueberries, yogurt and asparagus as BAD for losing weight.

I stood in the kitchen on the verge of a 'if only' thinking about how I'm 51 and still trying to figure this all out. Like, I should be smarter and know what IS right by this time in life.

But then I remembered - every time we race TOWARD what THEY tell us is right, we soon find out it was wrong.

One of my harder thought commentaries to turn around and accept was the phrase 'good fat' as in coconut oil, avocado, & nuts. If I was being criticized and judged for being fat, there was NO SUCH THING as 'good fat' - it was the ultimate oxymoron.

So every diet, before now, was low low low fat - usually less than 20gm a day and THAT was by assigning even the FAT FREE items a minimum of 1gm just for good measure. So end result of course, along with thin hair, huge belly and crappy skin, gained it all back when I just couldn't take another raw veggie or chicken breast.

And just like, right now, I'm actually in better health than I was when I weighed 150lb in 2006 because I was a hungry crazed nutcase back then - but at 212lb I'm still considered morbidly obese.

So THAT image hangs in my head like a really bad label, even has ghastly bass overtones, and I just want to SCREAM at the insanity and bullsh*t I've been fed all of my life by one doctor or dietician or health book writer or all of them. Jane Fonda and her wonderful exercise only to later admit she was bulimic. It's crazy.

So I guess the one thing I wish I had a do-over on, won't get it, but wish I could be 20 again and say 'hey, I'm going to do 'this thing this way and to heck with what people say to me or how they tell me to eat... my body is different and I'm going to just listen to it and let it decide.'



I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.



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