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Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 83

Posted: 02 Sep 2012, 20:16
Ok so most of the topics on this are quite general or on the serious side(which is fine of course!) but I just thought it'd be fun to have a jokes thread! And sure what better way to work the stomach than a wee giggle?! Il start it off...

What's white and blue and if it fell out of a tree, it'd kill ya?
A fridge wearing a denim jacket!

Stupid I know but it gets me very time :L

Joined: Sep 12
Posts: 24

Posted: 02 Sep 2012, 21:54
LOL. Heres one......

First grade teacher asked her class to use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence.
Student raises his hand and says........
The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat HEHEHEHE!!!!!

~Mini Goal #1 Weight 200lbs size 18 pants
~Mini Goal #2 Weight 190lbs size 16 pants
~Mini Goal #3 Weight 175lbs size 14 pants
~Mini Goal #4 Weight 160lbs size 12 pants
~Mini Goal #5 Weight 145lbs size 10 pants
~Mini Goal #6 Weight 130lbs size 8 pants
~Main Goal ** Weight 120lbs size 6 pants

"Hug More...Kiss Longer....And Say I Love You Always" - Terrie Federspiel


Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,977

Posted: 03 Sep 2012, 02:31
Why are moon rocks tastier than earth rocks?
They're meteor.
"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, and living healthy. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier!

Joined: May 12
Posts: 113

Posted: 03 Sep 2012, 09:53
Two muffins are in the oven and one says: WOW! it's HOT in here!

The other muffin says: AHHHHH! A talking muffin!

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain


Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 83

Posted: 03 Sep 2012, 15:50
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese Very Happy

Joined: Jul 12
Posts: 80

Posted: 03 Sep 2012, 20:36
How do you catch a unique Rabbit?
You 'nique' up on it!
How do you catch a tame Rabbit?
The 'tame way'!!

That is my joke repertoire Smile
dx w/inoperable brain tumor 9/12, so nutrition is vital. Dedicated to slaying this beast.

"Keep on swimming" Nemo

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 31

Posted: 04 Sep 2012, 03:53
Great guys.......

Joined: Apr 12
Posts: 78

Posted: 04 Sep 2012, 09:01
A policeman pulled over a speeding sportscar and asked the driver for his licence and registration. While the driver was getting his credentials, the cop noticed a penguin in the backseat of the car.

"What are doing with that penguin?" the cop asked.

"We're going to see a movie," the driver responded.

"You can't have that penguin in the car," the cop said. "I want you to take the penguin to the zoo after we're finsihed here. I'll let you off with a warning about the speeding this time, but I don't want to catch you speeding down this road again."

The driver agreed to do what the cop asked and thanked him for not writing the ticket.

About a week later, the cop saw the same sportscar speeding down the road. When the cop pulled the driver over, he saw that the penguin was in the backseat.

"I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo," the cop said. "Why do you still have that penguin in the car?"

"I took the penguin to the zoo, Officer," the driver replied. "We had a great time, but today we are going to the beach."

Joined: May 11
Posts: 364

Posted: 04 Sep 2012, 21:28
Q: What does a Dodgers fan do after his team wins the World Series?

A: He gets up and turns off the PlayStation.

ps. Also works for Raiders with the Super Bowl Smile

Joined: Nov 11
Posts: 799

Posted: 04 Sep 2012, 22:39
A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap.

Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious?

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

Someone who is busier than you is working out right now.
There will come a day when you can no longer do this. Today is not that day.

Joined: Jan 11
Posts: 6

Posted: 04 Sep 2012, 23:51
Great thread Very Happy ! Wish I knew a joke.

A potato, a kiwi, and a rice cake walk into a bar....

Joined: Jul 12
Posts: 57

Posted: 05 Sep 2012, 02:51
That was nice.! Here's mine

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.
"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 83

Posted: 05 Sep 2012, 19:11
Why did the mushroom go to a bar?
He was a fungi.

Why did he leave?
Wasn't mushroom... Very Happy Very Happy

Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 83

Posted: 05 Sep 2012, 19:14
Whats yellow and flies through walls..?

A Magic Banana...! Bahahaha! (easily amused!) Very Happy

Joined: May 12
Posts: 113

Posted: 06 Oct 2012, 12:04
LOL! these are terrific!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up.

"Watson," he says, "Look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes says: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain


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