Best advice or encouragement you have received?

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k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 13:24
Sometimes someone says something that just hits home and changes the way we think. Have you had one of these moments where something clicked? What was the advice?

Mine is something my boyfriend said to me. I used to complain about my weight a lot. I'm sure it wasn't fun to listen to. He said to me:

"You can be overweight and happy. I love you regardless. Or you can work hard and lose the weight and I will support you. But please stop complaining about your weight. It is your choice to be the size you are."

Needless to say that made me really angry at the time. But months later, I got it. And I repeated it to myself often during moments of doubt. And eventually, I really came to believe it.

How about you?
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
NinaV

Joined: Nov 09
Posts: 13

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 14:00
That's a bit of a touchy subject for me. Honestly, I wish people stopped trying to give me unsolicited advice and encouragement. I honestly believe that whatever it is that pushes you to finally do it for the most part comes from within. Anything anyone else says or does to try and encourage me doesn't have much of an influence on me. Maybe it's just me. I know I am an extremely private person and I spend a lot of time in my own head, and that's not the case for most people. But this is true for other things in my life as well. Like when I quit smoking and drinking - I had to decide to do it. Nothing anyone else said mattered.

However, if I had to name a source of advice that did influence me in a good way it would be a few books. There are many books out there that will tell you to eat lettuce all day and hate yourself if you don't (I'm exaggerating of course but you get the point), but when I was fortunate enough to find some very well researched and informative books that tell me to love and respect my body and treat it with kindness, that really stuck with me.

Here are my favorites:
"Eat what you love, love what you eat" by Michelle May
"Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth (and it's not really about God for the agnostics among us)
Though I must say that there are many others along the same lines I have read and enjoyed.

Another influence has been people I found (online mostly) who had succeeded in losing weight and were willing to share their own stories. I can't really name a particular phrase or a sentence that really stuck with me. It's more the fact that these people exist and have gone through what I'm going through and came out on the other side - happier, healthier and with a much bigger love for themselves and life in general. One of these people is you Kate. (I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, just being honest). And there are a few others who's posts and blogs I follow for inspiration and motivation.
an00bis

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 641

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 14:43
Neat topic.

Personally, I have never been extremely overweight. At my heaviest, I was about 150, maybe 155 (I'm 5'7" ). I am, however, a complete computer nerd, so in typical computer nerd stereotypical fashion, I had absolutely zero muscle to speak of. I was incredibly inactive, so much so, that I really didn't eat a lot of meals simply because I was too lazy to go get them.

Now, I work out every day and have a decent physique. What changed me? Well, it wasn't advice that did it. Usually, once I set my mind on something, nothing can make me falter; I'm just incredibly strong-willed. I had no need for tips, I am perfectly capable of devoting a large portion of my time to research and fact gathering. The thing that inspired me, however, was a girl. I liked this girl for so long, and I kept trying to get her to like me. Then one day, she was feeling down about a poor test score and family issues. So I set up a little "cheer up" night for her filled with balloons, ice cream, a cake with a message on it, and a whole series of her favorite chick flicks (yeah... I'm that pathetic). We were in the middle of watching something idiotic... probably "Step up". One of the main characters was shirtless on screen and had managed to impress a female character by doing not even 1/80th the amount of things I was doing for this particular girl. My lady friend says, "Oh, why can't I meet a charming guy that looks like THAT." I'm sure, she just said it without thought, but it really hit home for me. It made me feel so worthless. I really had nothing physically appealing to offer this girl. No matter how many 'nice' things I tried to do, a ripped body with a nice six pack always steals the show. You can go on and on about "what's on the inside", but when it comes down to it, the guys that make the best first impressions are the ones that have physically appealing bodies. Guys in frats all go work out together, they all look buff, and they're the ones getting girls all the time.

From that moment on, I started working out and doing research. I kept fine-tuning my methods and eventually added proper dieting to my list. Now, I look in the mirror, and I see a toned body with a six pack staring back at me. I've been on an internship for a while now, and I won't get to be back at my university until January. Yes, I still like this girl, but we're still just friends. I won't get to see her until then. I guess part of my motivation now stems from the fact that I have the opportunity to see her (and other girls) again with a whole new body attached to me. It may not help at all, but at least I have a huge confidence boost.
If you think my post is too abrasive, harsh, or offensive, you're:
A) Wrong.
B) Too sensitive.
C) Not going to receive an apology for pointing it out.
Canajun

Joined: May 10
Posts: 507

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 14:43
Nina, mine was also a book. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. It's a problem when you're a perfectionist and happen to stumble in your weight loss efforts. It becomes a rapid downward spiral, complete with a lot of negative self talk.

The book that ended that for me was Martha Beck's The Four Day Win. I can honestly admit that I don't generally buy into psychobabble stuff but this resonated with me in a lot of ways. I didn't do the exercises that the book recommends, I just read the book. She's consulted for Jenny Craig but does not promote or advocate for any particular diet in the book. It is not a diet book but she does have a quiz to determine the type of diet personality you have and then offers some of the more popular diets as suggestions that match your dieting type. Other than that, it's more of a cognitive behavioral therapy sort of thing. It reframed the way I look at eating, and more importantly the way I look at my mistakes.


If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed, always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!
Canajun

Joined: May 10
Posts: 507

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 14:46
I should add, by exercises I don't mean workouts! Just mental stuff.


If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed, always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!
ellyfranklin

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 190

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 15:18
I am very encouraged when someone asks me if I've lost weight. It's awesome when the work starts to show.

I love it when my clothes are feeling baggy.

I am also encouraged when the workout routine I've been doing is no longer difficult.
underscore

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 165

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 15:48
"Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? Don't do it later. Do it RIGHT NOW. Next time you hear yourself saying "Tomorrow I will ..." Do that thing RIGHT NOW. If it's working out get your butt out of your chair and do some jumping jacks and push ups, RIGHT NOW. If it's food, throw away the junk and get something healthy RIGHT NOW."

if that sounds familiar its bc thats what you told me k8yk. lol.

needless to say i walked away from my computer and did what i needed to do RIGHT THEN!
and everytime i say "tomorrow i will" i think about what you said and i immediately get up do what needs to be done. i could never thank you enough for that!

also, the best encouragement i get it seeing friends i haven't seen in a few weeks, their new group joke is to say something funny/positive about my weight loss everytime they see me. this week is was," be careful karen, we don't want you falling through the cracks in the floor board!" lmao i know im not that slender yet, but its always funny and always lets me know that they've noticed my loss. Smile
Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats.
Lisa Online

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 86

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 16:44
"Lisa, remember you are addicted to nicotine, so now that you quit, never, ever, ever take another drag from a cigarette". It has been over 15 years and I have been nicotine free ever since. TOWANDA!!!
Lisa online "TOWANDA!!"
sherilyn70

Joined: May 10
Posts: 548

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 16:50
Like several others have mentioned, it wasn't advice or encouragement that got me started or what keeps me going. It's the little stubborn strong willed voice in my head that does it for me. One day I just woke up and said enough is enough I'm doing this. I haven't faltered since. Thats what it took for me 8 years ago and it's what it took for me this time as well.
Debinator

Joined: May 10
Posts: 71

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 17:06
I think for me the encouragement I get comes from within. I have been training for my black belt for the last 3 and a half years and the motivation to get healthier from martial arts. We have a student creed that I end up saying 2 to 3 times a day 5 days a week ( I teach the beginner classes as well as train) "I will develop myself in a positive manner and avoid ANYTHING that would reduce my mental growth or my physical health. I will develop self discipline in order to bring out the best in myself and others." My martial arts practice is more than a way to fight or defend oneself, I began wanting to exercise a bit, and for me it has caused me to really evaluate my health. It has helped me to quit smoking,(2 years smoke free) and now is giving me the motivation to lose the extra weight I am carrying.
The secret to success is to WORK HARD, and NEVER, EVER give up!
justbreathe

Joined: Jun 10
Posts: 232

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Posted: 11 Jul 2010, 17:47
The best advice came from within--as I watched people older than me run a 1/2 marathon.
Exercise is like meditation. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Trust your Self. Reach for the moon. Not the fingers pointing to it.
anapdc

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 518

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Posted: 12 Jul 2010, 06:56
I read it on a blog about self-esteem that I follow almost everyday. The writer said that we have to decide to be happy and decide to change. That somehow clicked and I DECIDED to change and I am doing it Smile

Now what feeds me is the compliment I get from people, the same people who when I started looked at me with a grin and said that I wouldnt stick to it. Well, now they tell me how good I look and even some decided to follow me Smile Sweet taste of victory Smile
Do NOT quit! The universe always bows to persistence - Tom Venuto
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 12 Jul 2010, 08:57
anapdc wrote:

Now what feeds me is the compliment I get from people, the same people who when I started looked at me with a grin and said that I wouldnt stick to it. Well, now they tell me how good I look and even some decided to follow me Smile Sweet taste of victory Smile


I get this too. I made a point of telling people I was going to lose weight, thinking it would make me accountable. I remember how some of them looked at me like " yeah, sure you are.". Now they all want advice Smile
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
erinwicke

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 4

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Posted: 12 Jul 2010, 16:24
"Life is too short to be unhappy with your body."

A friend said that when we were first starting to work out, two years ago. Its so true. It just made me ask myself "how long am I going to go on wishing I was thinner? I'm wasting time!" Since then, I'm down 33 lbs and I've had a baby since that time, too.
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 12 Jul 2010, 16:59
NinaV and Underscore, thank you.

I think I used to feel offended by weight loss advice- until I realized that by whining about my weight, I asked for it.

I've learned something really useful over this whole thing, and this doesn't just pertain to weight loss- when someone gives me advice and I feel that indignant anger boiling up, that's the best time to listen. Something they said had enough truth in it to sting. This has happened to me now about diet, weight, job, money, family issues, whatever. If I step back and think "why did this make me angry" the answer is almost always, because there was truth in it. I have learned that putting aside the anger and really thinking about the advice and what I could do differently, has led me to deal with a lot of things in a much more positive way.
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
NinaV

Joined: Nov 09
Posts: 13

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Posted: 13 Jul 2010, 01:23
Kate, that's kind of a thing about me, I don't whine about my weight. Not to people in my "real life" at least. Even here in the cyber world I try not to whine. If I talk about it, I usually am asking for advice and am thus able and willing to accept it. I can't tell you how much I appreciate being able to ask you a question and get an honest and thoughtful answer. That's the sort of advice that does matter and does stick with me. When I'm searching out information online or in books it's sort of like I'm asking questions.

And if I'm not asking, I don't think it's polite to offer. Like SPAM or telemarketers - undesirable nuisance. I don't get angry about it, just annoyed. My biggest pet peeve is not so much that they might say something I don't want to hear, though that can be pretty aggravating, it's more that they rarely say anything I don't already know. I'm a pretty intelligent person if I say so myself, so when someone is telling me something obvious, I tend to think they know it would annoy me and are doing it to annoy me. Though sometimes, when people are saying something, it's even worse than unsolicited advice, it's a veiled comment or a backhanded "compliment" of some sort.

The bottom line is really more that I know myself and I know how my mind works - if I'm going to do something, whatever that might be, it has to come from within, otherwise it's not going to do me any good. Though I certainly see where you're coming from about "the truth".



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