How to deal with critics

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Chicholiciou...

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 4

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 14:03
I want to know if anyone goes thru this at some point. Me on the other hand is constantly. I have people at work friends and family. Who think just because they are thin it gives them the right to lecture me about my weight. Just a few minutes ago I pass down the hall and see a coworker of mine who stops me mid way and says "have you consider joining herbal life?". I told her I'm already in a diet and she says good you should, be serious about how your weight is affecting your health. Dah! Einstein.
shmiller

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 504

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 14:12
I so agree. My dad is like that. A sweet, sweet man, who I know is just looking out for me, but he's always saying things like "you know, that's not good for your blood sugar" or "you'll feel a lot better when you trim up." GRR
"The grass ain't greener, the wine ain't sweeter, either side of the hill" The Grateful Dead
Igelkind

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 64

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 14:52
In the case of coworkers, "kindhearted" strangers, and acquaintances; ignore them and keep doin' what you're doin.

If it's someone you really care about, I would have a talk with them and explain that you appreciate what they're saying, and that you know they only have your best interest at heart, but it's not constructive and sometimes hurtful. "I get kind of hurt that the only thing we talk about is my weight; let's talk about something else!"

Mean-spirited strangers can receive The Finger.
sweetpy0028

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 54

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 14:54
The best part is that people assume that because you're a little chunky, you have no idea what exersize or healthy food is. I had someone lecture me about the importance of running and eating veggies.

Really? You mean moving my ass a little more and eating better food will help me lose weight? Thank you soooo much for enlightening me! I thought couches and cheesbugers were the secret to dieting success!

I'm only a little bitter...
"If you have it (love), you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - J.M. Barrie
sweetpy0028

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 54

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 14:57
Igelkind wrote:


Mean-spirited strangers can receive The Finger.


Haha!Very Happy
"If you have it (love), you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - J.M. Barrie
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 15:02
I tell them it's none of their f*&%ing business.

Seriously. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your body. NOBODY. If you want to lose weight you do it for YOU and nobody else. You're the same wonderful person no matter what you weigh. You can't tell a person's health by looking at them. Many skinny people are just as lazy and out of shape if not more than many heavier people. So that's just a crap argument if you ask me. Let's be real, nobody is telling a skinny lazy person they need to exercise more and worry about their health. This is all about our outward appearance and nothing more.
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
sunjewel86

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 17

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 15:44
Argh, this happens to me all the time! There is one person who judges everything I eat and constantly tells me I should go for a run after work or go to the gym during lunch instead of eating. Once she even told me I couldn't eat carrots because they had too many carbs in them. One day I finally got fed up with her comments and told her I would rather be over weight than look emaciated like you. She pretty much left me alone after that. But seriously, dont listen to anything negative people tell you. What you do with your body is really nobodys business but your own.
"You're so much stronger than you know."
peasncues

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 32

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 16:00
Quote:
Mean-spirited strangers can receive The Finger.


Laughing I love it!!!


Chic, what you're experiencing is absolutely cruel. Surely people wouldn't do this thoughtless crap if they knew how it can hurt someone. Sad

Keep your chin up. Your decision to lose weight, or not to is all yours. It belongs to you, and no one else.

I hope these people hold themselves to the very same unsolicited standards they're pushing on you! Sometimes people who aren't addressing the areas that need improvement in their own lives feel compelled to help "fix" others. Rolling Eyes

Big or small, short or tall, we all have our issues.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"As we go through our lives there are basically two pains we will encounter on our journey. The pain of discipline and the pain of regret."
k8yk

Joined: Jan 09
Posts: 4,546

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Posted: 08 Apr 2010, 17:16
I know for a fact that I am in better shape than many women in my office who are much thinner. How do I know this? Because I asked them to go running with me and they can't fathom running 3 miles- which I do regularly Smile I'm the only one who works out 5 or more times a week. I'm the only one who says no to the fast food and donuts.

Man, it really bothers me when people cast judgment solely on outward appearance. I agree with what some others say it must have something to do with some inner insecurity.

I learned something about this the hard way. A woman who used to come into a store where I worked lost a lot of weight. One day I said to her "Wow, you've lost weight! You look great, how did you do it?" And she answered "I have cancer and chemotherapy caused the weight loss." Boy did I feel like a jerk. And ever since then, I decided I would never comment on someone's weight unless they brought it up first. You never know whats going on with someone just by looking.
My blog, This is not a Diet:
http://notsobigk.wordpress.com
Follow me on Facebook for tips, recipes, advice, exercise ideas and more:
http://www.facebook.com/notadiet
shmiller

Joined: Mar 10
Posts: 504

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 07:22
@k*yk -- thanks for your wisdom! Remembering that we're doing this for ourselves and not someone else is the key, and it's really easy to forget. And you're right, there's more to being healthy than the number on the scale or on the tag in the back of your pants. Your hardwork and extraordinary success are a model for all of us for what a great attitude can do for you in the fat fight. I needed this today.

Many blessings to you and all.
"The grass ain't greener, the wine ain't sweeter, either side of the hill" The Grateful Dead
rosa210

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 13

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 08:37
Wow! I can't believe how motivating all these posts are! I am so glad that i found this website!

And I couldn't agree more with the person who said that you can't judge someone's health by their outward appearance -- I know that where I work, most of the skinny ones are SMOKERS and we all know what that does to you! Some things like overeating are visible to others, but there are many skinny alcoholics and drug addicts out there too.

Blessings to all and may God give us the strength we need to win this battle!

“. . . Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” (1 Corinthians 6:19, NAS Wink
“. . . Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” 1 Corinthians 6:19, NAS
acm44

Joined: Oct 07
Posts: 63

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 09:11
That kind of behavior (and those looks from SUPER thin people) can be very discouraging and hurtful. People like us have your back and we'll give you the love and encouragement you need to keep on your weight loss journey! People just don't think before they talk and find it easier to cast judgement than be judged. Just take what you want from folks and leave the rest. Maybe let them know you appreciate their concern for your well-being, but you are on a plan and are doing just fine, then walk away!
Amanda
Chicholiciou...

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 4

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 12:35
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words! You don't know how helpful they've been. Some other days I would have run to the bathroom and cry because I was so mad at them and myself. But now with your support I feel stronger. I'm very fortunate to have found FS friends for support and encouragement. I wish us all the best in this road to healthiness
bouncy k

Joined: Feb 10
Posts: 37

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 18:31
i hear ya. some people can be straight out cruel. but i just do my own way and count DOWN the weight on the scales each week.

sometimes people will judge your faults to mask THEIR OWN.
Phoenixrayne

Joined: Mar 09
Posts: 47

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 18:45
Seriously. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your body.

....

Pot - meet Kettle

betzyrama

Joined: May 09
Posts: 40

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 19:26
Skinny people never say anything to me about my weight. In fact, they all seem to complain about their own weight and don't seem to notice mine. Fat people seem to LOVE offering me advice. Not people my size, not people bigger than me who happen to have lost a lot of weight. I mean FAT and doing nothing about it. This fat lady I used to work with actually grabbed my wrist and asked if I was sure I needed it, when she thought I was grabbing another lemon square but I was just reaching for a coffee. My other workmate's lemon squares are worth any weight gained - ha ha they really are that good, and it's not her business. I got mad at her and told her to follow her own advice and she said she was just trying to help. Bah! She also offered her opinion of how "too skinny" another workmate of ours is on a regular basis. Gah! The only people who should be commenting on my weight loss are YOU LOT here on FS, since I know you're all in the same boat with me and I'm here for your help/advice. Smile
KymP

Joined: Apr 10
Posts: 7

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 20:56
Just keep hanging in there and remember you are doing this for yourself and no one else. For me, it was detrimental when people would judge me on my weight. I would get kind of obstinate and lose all my motivation because people should accept me for who I am, right. Well, that attitude didn't help me to lose weight. Now, I just tell people that I appreciate their support, but I am more motivated by positive encouragement.
confusedange...

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 579

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 20:58
k8yk wrote:
I tell them it's none of their f*&%ing business.

Many skinny people are just as lazy and out of shape if not more than many heavier people. So that's just a crap argument if you ask me. Let's be real, nobody is telling a skinny lazy person they need to exercise more and worry about their health. This is all about our outward appearance and nothing more.


Ironic but pertinent anecdote (I felt like big words tonight) - the new "body fat" scale informed me that at 232 pounds and 5 ft 4, I am 40.3% body fat. About 20 percent over where a woman who isn't an athlete should be.

It then informed the baby's daddy that at 184 lbs and 6 ft 1, he is 34.4% body fat, 16.4% over where a non-athlete male should be. (according to the averages i've read of 18 for men and 20 for women... not gonna argue which numbers are perfect, just trying to make a long winded point)

So while mathematically he's the right weight, he's almost as over-fat as I am.

And when he attempts to "workout" with me, he can't take half of the 20 minute wii workout, while i now do atleast an hour of cardio plus circuit training 5 times a week almost without fail.

But his family has never ONCE said "honey, you're looking awfully over fatty" to him. However, i get "Thank god you've started taking care of that unfortunate problem of yours".

Grr!
JennyBoston

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 21

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 21:33
Work is a weird environment to begin with - you spend the majority of the day thrown together with all kinds of characters you wouldn't necessarily choose to even associate with, let alone be friends with. It creates a kind of false intimacy that leads to overly familiar and invasive comments supposedly made for the "good" of the person on the receiving end. Like you really give a crap what they think about you!

When some yahoo at work comments on your weight or appearance, just give them a real slow head to toe once-over with a nice long "hhhmmmmmmmmmmmm". And then walk away. They'll spend the rest of the day in the ladies room trying to figure out what the hell it was that you saw, but were too polite to comment on.
jenju

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 148

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Posted: 09 Apr 2010, 21:45
It is just as rude to give someone who is overweight "advice" about food and diet as it is to ask them how much money they make and why aren't the trying to make more! In our society, we can't fathom walking up to a friend or a coworker and saying, "How much money do you make? You know, if you wear a skirt, put some make up on and shake your ass a little, you could probably get a raise" BUT we let people shame us into feeling bad when they offer their "dieting" advice. If someone ever had the audacity to "help" in such a rude manner, it would be difficult for me to conduct myself as a lady!
It's MY time!



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