Unsupportive Comments from Mother-in-law

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ClassicRocke...

Joined: Jan 13
Posts: 957

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Posted: 17 Feb 2013, 11:39
Try a little psychology. Tell her you want to keep yourself healthy so you can take care of your hubby (her son) and children (if any). It's a bit my therapist taught me to help me lose weight. Hubby has MS and maybe one day, I will be his arms and possibly legs and if I'm not healthy, how will I be able to take care of him.

***It just means being more independent and not allowing your happiness to be dependent on someone else's demanding and contentious attitudes and actions.***

Wisdom from a friend


I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.
Sunkeeper

Joined: Jan 13
Posts: 382

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Posted: 18 Feb 2013, 04:47
Would this be appropriate for your MIL?

366to266

Joined: Nov 11
Posts: 48

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Posted: 18 Feb 2013, 06:46
marmom67 wrote:
I suggest you take her aside not at a meal and ask to talk to her. Tell her how you feel about being questioned, you are really trying to watch what you eat, and that you would really appreciate her support. T


EXCELLENT ADVICE!

Another suggestion would be to tell her (regretfully) that you have found lately that cookies, cakes etc, give you TERRIBLE heartburn. She cannot possibly keep offering you carbage after you've said that!
Hyperinsulinaemic, carboholic and serial failed dieter!
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 1,080

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Posted: 18 Feb 2013, 15:07
MILs, DILs, SD's, Gsons - you name it - someone out there will always have their agenda. Good on you for standing up to them. I am taking notes of all of these suggestions because I experience the same w/Gsons - they know I changed how I eat yet all weekend my gson kept offering me his 'cookies'. If he'd offered me his turkey, cheese, applesauce I'd have said 'good kid, sharing w/Nana' but as it was only the 'cookies' I didn't feel the same. Of course, far stretch from gson to MIL - whole different dynamic.

I also appreciated the post about how people will make an issue of 'can you eat this' or 'oh, look at your plate, oooo so healthy.. sigh..'

Yeah- it is such an interesting challenge - living overweight versus living healthy - either way, you end up a target of ironic attention when you don't just follow the herd. I was at a trade show this weekend where all of the vendors were eating pizza. Fine. But because I was having my packed lunch of tuna & avocado .. I was target for ridicule. Loud ridicule. Of course child in me wanted to fight back with a position against pizza but I don't have a problem with eating pizza either. Just leave me alone with my tuna!

Sorry... what was the question? LOL ... just saying .. been there, still there... good luck to you on finding the peaceful resolve.


I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.
chefmichelle...

Joined: Feb 13
Posts: 5

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Posted: 19 Feb 2013, 09:41
Lots of great advice and suggestions here. I just thought I'd add for fun that my Polish MIL is in a retirement home now. She can't stop trying to be hospitable and she pilfers fruits and napkins from the dining room so that she has care packages for her family to take homeSmile
BgIrn

Joined: Dec 12
Posts: 97

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Posted: 19 Feb 2013, 10:01
I have seen addicts act the same way. You stop doing something they still do and they attempt to goad you into going along for the ride. They do this because someone else finding something unhealthy for themselves and deciding not to do it, forces them to think about their lifestyle choices. Alcoholics don't like to be around former drinkers, and often (I know for fact) chastise them for choosing not to drink. The reason for this is that for them to recognize the former drinker had an issue with consumption, is to admit they do as well. Therefore the non-drinker, healthy eater is " strange" to them, when in reality they are more "normal".

I have heard many anecdotes from households where one problem drinker quits and the other party does everything they can to sabotage the effort. Buying the favorite beverage (cookies) and consuming it in front of them, or buying beverages (cookies) for themselves claiming "I got it for you".

Oh look, rambling from me, big surprise. Smile
eKatherine

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 1,286

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Posted: 19 Feb 2013, 13:24
FullaBella wrote:
I also appreciated the post about how people will make an issue of 'can you eat this' or 'oh, look at your plate, oooo so healthy.. sigh..'


Sometimes there is an equal and opposite response possible, "Oh, look at your plate, oh, so unhealthy."

Quote:
Yeah- it is such an interesting challenge - living overweight versus living healthy - either way, you end up a target of ironic attention when you don't just follow the herd. I was at a trade show this weekend where all of the vendors were eating pizza. Fine. But because I was having my packed lunch of tuna & avocado .. I was target for ridicule. Loud ridicule. Of course child in me wanted to fight back with a position against pizza but I don't have a problem with eating pizza either. Just leave me alone with my tuna!


When people are deliberately rude, I can see no reason not to ask them outright, "Why are you trying to hurt me?"
FullaBella

Joined: Oct 12
Posts: 1,080

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Posted: 21 Feb 2013, 07:21
cerobit wrote:
Here is a story of one woman's way of handling similar issues with her MIL:Rolling Eyes

Link



Loved this article - thank you for the reminder. The moral of the story is that the way others treat is only a reflection of how we treat them.


I'm not losing WEIGHT. I'm converting FAT to MUSCLE to be healthier.
quiltmaster4...

Joined: Sep 11
Posts: 4

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Posted: 21 Feb 2013, 07:39
I am a MIL and I just think she should respect your wishes. You are practicing a healthy lifestyle. Just say "no, thank you". and if she puts food in front of you that you do not want to eat just leave it there. Good luck with that!!!
weezay

Joined: Oct 11
Posts: 4

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Posted: 21 Feb 2013, 12:26
I feel for you. There will always be people in our lives who want us to do what THEY want us to do. DO NOT allow ANYONE to make you do ANYTHING that you do not want to do. Here's a thought - the next time she forces you to accept food that you do not want to put into your mouth, walk over to the trash can and put it in there. If she is "horrified", which she probably will be, tell her "I did tell you that I did not want it". This may make her angry but you will make a point.
Sheonamcc

Joined: Jun 09
Posts: 155

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Posted: 23 Feb 2013, 17:21
I have a someone who is exactly the same. I've been doing the same as you - focusing on eating less processed junk - but he just didn't get it.

Eventually I learned to just play the game. I gushed about how good dinner or whatever was, made a big fuss about how full I was, and refused extras with the excuse "I'm on a diet". I don't like using the word diet because it's totally not what I'm doing, but it was a word he understood.

At the end of the day, just remember that you can't always make everyone happy. Some people will never get it and will cause a fuss. It's not worth losing your temper over it. Just stand your ground and and don't let her bully into anything you don't want to do.

You will always come across people like this, but investing in your health is way more important than letting someone like that bring you down.

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You can also find me on facebook, where I share my recipes and lifestyle changes

Real Food Recipes: http://on.fb.me/VGwgH5

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Katred12

Joined: May 12
Posts: 113

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Posted: 14 Oct 2013, 11:22
My MIL is not amenable at ALL. I never know when she's going to take offense, no matter what my intention, and I never mean her harm or disrespect. When you have to say no you might try smiling and say I love you! which is what my son does, I know what he's doing but makes me smile and soften anyway.
That kind of goes with what cerobit's story, which is fantastic, thank you for posting it.
What I end up doing sometimes with my MIL is saying yes, then I don't eat it. It's a waste but better in the trash or garbage disposal than on my hinny and it saves a lot of trouble.
Good luck.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain

Katred12



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