On my way back....That song is playing in my head as I begin this journey "back" as I have done so many times before. In August, I was only 7 pounds away from a 100 pound weight loss......7 pounds! I proudly marched into my surgeon's office, fully expecting him to say "Let's schedule your knee replacement surgery" and he said, "Nope! You still need to lose another 30 pounds before I can do the surgery." He said, "I need you under a 35 BMI to do it safely." I was devastated, but left the office with resolve to lose the next 30. After all, I had already dropped 93 pounds! I could lose another 30, couldn't I?
Shortly after that visit to my surgeon's office, my husband was diagnosed with yet more cancer (he has battled bladder cancer for 12 years) and underwent 3 back to back cancer surgeries for melanoma. He is an amazing man. He works hard as a cabinet designer, but has no medical insurance. He has never taken a penny of assistance, but is growning visibly weary of the battle with cancer and with the horrific bills it has created. We sold our home, liquidated our retirement & 401 K, all in attempt to stay ahead of the medical bills, but we could not keep up. Now, we can't even begin to pay the mountain of medical debt we are left with as a result of 12 years of fighting cancer. Our attempts at sending the modest payments that we can afford are met with angry collection calls and threatening letters. The stress has been an excuse for us both to turn to "comfort food". The stress has fed the cancer as well. Well, I can tell you that being this weight and size is NOT very comfortable! (especially since I gave away every single stitch of clothing in sizes larger than where I was at my lowest weight (30 pounds ago). No, I cannot afford new clothing. I don't even WANT new clothing in this size! I want and need to get back to the weight I was 4 months ago and then continue downward from there. Scott loves God and plays on our church worship team. He loves me and wants, more than anything, for me to get out of this wheelchair and get my knees replaced so I can walk again. I need to want it badly enough to overcome the food addiction. New knees will give me a future. New knees will allow me a better earning potential. New knees will let us, as Scott would say, "Dance together poorly". I want to dance with my husband again. The medical bills will be their whether I eat salad or macaroni & cheese. I will be able to deal with
the mountain of medical debt better with a clear head. Today, I will go swim and I will keep my calories under 1500. I got back on track (imperfectly!) a week ago and have dropped 8 pounds this week. Back to 2 shakes a day, snacks and a healthy, tasty dinner of my choice. Isagenix! That's how I dropped nearly 100 pounds, and that is the food plan that will carry me back to goal weight. Tomorrow, I may do better, but, for today, I will do what I can to continue toward my goal of getting new knees. The next time I walk into my surgeon's office, I expect him to say, "let's get this done!" Thank you for listening, friends. I wish you all health and happiness in 2013.
Here's to a great week of weight loss,
Cindy (aka Muffin)