No support at home

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gmarie61

Joined: May 12
Posts: 4

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 02:29
My husband is very much against my dieting. He gets mad that i dont want birthday cake on my birthday, etc. I am having a hard time anyhow since I haven't lost weight yet and I am on day 3.

I would appreciate any support or input you could give me on this. Thank you!
charlottecre...

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 2

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 07:21
I totally understand how you feel. I am doing Atkins and trying really hard to lose weight. My hubby just doesn't get it. He is constantly saying things like "It won't hurt to cheat." Today is my birthday and of all things he buys me chocolate and is upset because I won't eat it.ugh!
Klebarber

Joined: Nov 11
Posts: 3

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 08:46
Don't expect to show any weight loss in 3 days unless you're doing a dangerous crash diet of sorts. It took me ten days to show a loss of 4lbs and my cloths practically fit the same. Stick to no fewer than 1200 calories per day and just let it go in one ear and out the other. Just smile at the hubs and tell him "thanks but no thanks".
lovingmomma

Joined: Oct 11
Posts: 102

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 11:05
Why do you think he is not happy about it? Does he think you look just right at your weight, or is it that he feels inconvenienced when you diet, that you don't want foods at your house he wants to eat? I would definitly talk to him about it, see why he is feeling that way. My husband is completely supportive of me loosing weight, but does not understand how difficult it is, as he has a hard time even gainging a pound. So for the most part I have had to do it on my own, I use support groups like this because he just doesn't get it. Also we still have all the kinds of foods he likes to eat in the house which can make it more difficult at times, but I cook at least and choose the good things to make. Maybe he just felt bad that you couldn't have cake on your birthday, I know I always love doing birthdays up like that and would be a little disapointed if I couldn't make my hubby a cake.


Starting weight- 219 lbs May 2011
Goal 150 lbs- my original main goal, reached 6/22/2012! Yipee!

Pregnant with baby # 4. Gained 55 lbs. Weight at end of pregnancy 8/9/2013 204 lbs
Goal 1- 175 lbs reached February 23, 2014
Goal 2- 160 lb
puggy79

Joined: Jul 09
Posts: 2

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 11:34
It took me about 3 weeks of dieting to start seeing the weight falling off, but in the last 3 weeks I've lose 8.5 pounds. When I started dieting I also started exercising 3-4 times a week, perhaps I initially was building muscle and it took time for the fat to start to fall off.

"It takes 4 weeks for you to see a change. 8 Weeks for Friends and Family, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world." Be realistic and keep going!
gmarie61

Joined: May 12
Posts: 4

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Posted: 20 May 2012, 18:27
Thank you for the input. I really appreciate the support and suggestions!
Warrior63

Joined: May 12
Posts: 15

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Posted: 22 May 2012, 16:16
I feel your pain as well. My SO isn't agianst the weight loss regimen and is supportive to an extent.

It's always helped me to rid the house of all the bad stuff, but with him I cannot. He's eating all kinds of goodies and of course I cannot partake.

I gave in one night last week and felt guilty about it.

On Sunday he made two pies! Now he eats pie a la mode nightly.
I am glad I'm not hungry for those types of foods. The ice cream looks good though.

On another note, I had a lot of trouble the first few weeks. The first week I lost 7 pounds and then nothing. I went up a few and down a few. That was frustrating, especially with all the temptation.

Now I am consistently not hungry. Focusing on all the calculations gives me another tartget when He eats his Oreos...LOL


Goal 1 200
Goal 2 170
Goal 3 140
Goal 4 132

kingkeld

Joined: Sep 09
Posts: 1,995

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Posted: 22 May 2012, 21:13
Could it be that hubby is simply afraid of losing YOU? We men are strange and insecure creatures. You losing weight will make you feel happier, look better, gain confidence. If your hubby is a little insecure about himself, maybe he's afraid that HE will be the next thing you want to lose.
Maybe it's simply a matter of reassuring him that he his spot is secure.
Another thing could be that many of us men are severe creatures of habit. When things change around us and we didn't have a say-so in it, we take quite a while to adjust.

Regardless, I think you need to sit down and talk, settle it. If you want his support, you need to ask him for it - straight to his face. Men don't understand hints. Smile

I hope you work it out.

Visit my website: www.tabdig.info

"Losing weight is never about eating as little as possible"
- Kingkeld.
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
― Eleanor Roosevelt
"Do. Or do not. There is no trying."
- Master Yoda.

I went from morbidly obese to being the owner of TABDIG - a weight loss coaching service that helps people worldwide losing weight. It's been an amazing journey. From October 4th 2010 to April 3rd 2012 I lost half my body weight - 80 kilos/170 lbs. Since then, I have had two cosmetic surgeries to remove excess skin. I have now quadrupled my strength, gained several kilos in muscle mass, and today I focus on building muscle, optimizing my diet, living healthy and helping people to reach the very same goals. I am stronger, healthier, thinner, happier! If you feel that you need help losing weight, don't hesitate to send me an inbox message.
kitten240

Joined: May 12
Posts: 4

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Posted: 23 May 2012, 06:10
I definitely think kingkeld is could be right on target with his response. Unfortunately if that is the case then your hubby has to deal with those issues for himself. In the meantime you could make a few carb free "sinful" snacks and/or pies for yourself that will help satisfy any urges you might be tempted by and who knows, he may even like them.
lynmc1

Joined: Mar 12
Posts: 4

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Posted: 30 May 2012, 14:00
I took these excerpts from a diet book I am reading:

By now it should come as no surprise that many people are threatened by change.

In some situations, the people around you may genuinely believe they want you to achieve your goal, yet fear that you—or their relationship with you—may somehow change if you succeed. They prefer the balance and order of your existing relationship—the way things are—over the unknown and the way things might be. This undermines their ability to support you. They become “diet saboteurs,” often without realizing what they're doing.

It's also possible that your newfound self-control is making your diet saboteurs feel self-conscious, stirring concerns that if you look better, it will make them look worse. Maybe they're comfortable being the one with the nice body or pretty face while you're the one with the “great personality.” Your progress may also be a reminder that they are no closer to their own goals than they were a year ago.

It's important to understand that while diet saboteurs can be maddening, their behavior is seldom premeditated or intentionally cruel.
lynmc1

Joined: Mar 12
Posts: 4

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Posted: 30 May 2012, 14:01
The next time you believe someone is interfering with your weight loss, deal with it directly. Confrontation is rarely necessary, but candor is. This four-step approach will help:
1.
State the problem. Be specific. Example: “I'm committed to my weight-loss program, but it's not always easy. When you offer me potato chips, it only makes it more difficult.”


2.
Explain how you feel about the problem and why you need help with the resolution. Example: “I'm frustrated. I know you care about me, but some of the things you've been doing lately are making it tough. You mean a lot to me and I know this is something we can work through.”


3.
Detail what you want. Don't assume the other person will instinctively know how to provide support. Example: “I'd like it if our time together didn't center on food so often. Instead of meeting for dinner next week, why don't we take in a movie or go for a walk at the park?”


4.
Describe the results you expect and the benefits of your success. This is an opportunity to reaffirm your goal. Example: “I'm going to feel and look healthier, and I want you to know how much it means to me to know you're supporting me.”

breenuh

Joined: Aug 09
Posts: 1

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Posted: 01 Jun 2012, 00:46
My hubby is the same way. He should realize, the more comfortable I am in my body the "better" things will be for him. "Wink" "wink" I have 3 children-the youngest is 21 months old by the way...
xrbvx

Joined: Jun 12
Posts: 1

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Posted: 01 Jun 2012, 13:21
hey I understand where your coming from my family doesn't understand or support what I'm doing but I look past it and remain strong. You have to stay committed to what you want from your life despite what others think. Being healthy is not a bad thing in anyway, nor does it have to be an unenjoyable experience. You'll come to realize that there is such a thing as great tasting, healthy food. So don't give up and I hope you guys can get it figured out. I suggest trying to get him in on it too.
Stella1964

Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 56

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Posted: 02 Jul 2012, 10:25
kingkeld wrote:
Could it be that hubby is simply afraid of losing YOU? We men are strange and insecure creatures. You losing weight will make you feel happier, look better, gain confidence. If your hubby is a little insecure about himself, maybe he's afraid that HE will be the next thing you want to lose.
Maybe it's simply a matter of reassuring him that he his spot is secure.
Another thing could be that many of us men are severe creatures of habit. When things change around us and we didn't have a say-so in it, we take quite a while to adjust.

Regardless, I think you need to sit down and talk, settle it. If you want his support, you need to ask him for it - straight to his face. Men don't understand hints. Smile

I hope you work it out.


True!! My husband doesn't support my weight loss efforts either and he finally told me that 1) I feel different now, not like the woman he married, and 2) he doesn't want other men to want me. Flattering I guess??
Losin25

Joined: Apr 11
Posts: 367

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Posted: 02 Jul 2012, 14:07
This last time on my diet, I didn't tell anyone. Not even my husband for the first 3 months. I just started eating better, cooking better, and exercising more. I saw this article somewhere where women who didn't tell anyone they were on a diet were more successful than women who told. Turns out that if you fall off the wagon and no one knew you were on it -- it's a whole lot easier to get back on.

So, just do the diet and don't tell anyone. My husband also lost weight because I didn't cook unhealthy food.

Actually, here is the article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2067745/Want-know-secret-successful-weight-loss-Dont-tell-youre-diet.html
============================================
155: After regaining 16 pounds. It's my goal again.
155: Goal Weight | March 17, 2012!!!! I did it!
Size 8: levi's jeans | February 3, 2012 (Actually, I'm a size 6. I skipped Cool
168: BMI 24.8 no longer overweight | December 1, 2011
174: Vegas vacation | September 15, 2011 (two weeks early)
180: first 27 pounds gone | August 25, 2011
186: 10% body weight lost | July 14, 2011
199: 200's gone forever | May 12, 2011
207: Starting Weight | April 28, 2011
mamajava

Joined: Jul 12
Posts: 60

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Posted: 11 Jul 2012, 12:03
Losin25 had the best advice I've seen. My family and friends don't truly know how hard I'm working at this, I don't obsess over dieting woes in front of them, they don't know what diet I'm following, and FatSecret is my honest-to-goodness REAL secret. All they see is that I'm making sure to walk almost every evening when the sun goes down and things cool down outside. I've also gotten up super early a few times and walked before any of them woke up for the morning. It actually makes me feel empowered...like I know something they don't know...and I just smile and say "thank you!" when people say I look like I'm losing weight. I don't really validate their response, NOR do I go into any explanations of what diet I'm doing when they squawk "how are you doing it?!?!??" because, I figure if I figured this out through trial and error, sweat and tears, then I know I'm doing the right thing for me. I absolutely HATE it when people give me diet advice like I don't know what I'm doing...when I'm the one who is successfully doing it. Or when they don't agree with the Atkins philosophy. I really don't want to haul off and smack somebody for bad-talking my new lifestyle. In a nutshell, FatSecret really is my personal, private secret.
2007 highest weight: 298
Started FatSecret 7/9/12: 278
8/13/12: 264
Colie_03

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 5

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Posted: 20 Aug 2012, 13:04
If you find that your husband is not supportive try to be flexible wihth your diet. If its your birthday have a very small piece of cake, especially if your husband bought it for you. Make meals at home that you know he will enjoy that fallow your guidelines for your diet and he wont even know you are even eating "diet" food. I know from personal experience if you don't give yourself a little breathing room and deprive yourself you will end up just regaining all the wait you lost anyways. Good Luck !
eKatherine

Joined: Aug 12
Posts: 1,286

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Posted: 02 Sep 2012, 10:48
When I was 215, my boyfriend thought I could gain some weight. He used to buy me Pepsi, chips, ice cream, cheese. But he now respects the fact that I have lost 45 pounds and is not trying to interfere with that.
HeavenllySin

Joined: Sep 12
Posts: 8

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Posted: 19 Sep 2012, 05:09
I have to agree with the no telling thing. I'm a diabetic and so is my mom... but for some reason she balks at bringing our sugar down. I have a vary small income and I pay all the bills... this leaves her with 3 weeks of food to buy for the house. She wants to eat out every night, this means I gain weight and my sugar stays around 400 for the most part.

We're going to try a diet together because the doc wants her to have hip surgery... but before that if I wanted any type of control over my own choices I had to sneak.

When I could cook I substituted healthier things for the bad things, she rarely noticed. Sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to walk. Ordering all of the food and pretending or order myself some as well, then sneaking something she wouldn't notice me cooking and adjusting the money so she didn't have more than she should (buying what I needed at the store instead).

It can be hard, it's not just that they know our buttons to push... it's not always the insults or the lack of support.
It's the confrontation and stress when we're already under stress. It's that we end up feeling that there is something so selfish in them that they no longer care for us, if we can't fit into their mold.

Let him know how he's hurting you, how much you love him... and if that doesn't work.. well, we're women, if something doesn't work then we adjust and find a new way to accomplish our goals.

Point of view, attitude towards ourselves and other people, and a strong want to do what's best.
Laura268

Joined: Mar 13
Posts: 3

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Posted: 29 Mar 2013, 09:03
I had baratric surgery and my husband was the pits about it. Down right nasty about the food and physical limits (no lifting) after surgery. This was all my fault for choosing this! Now that I have lost 67 pounds he is supportive. For him things changed when he saw my determination and success. I would never have done it differently, but I had to remember this is about me and not him. I want to be healthy. Some people say talk, which might work (or not). I say keep strong and keep focused on your goals build support for yourself and stick with it.



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