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In Law's .. Help please!!
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zahny's own diet
Joined: Jul 12
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 12:03
Hi everyone.. this is my first post here. I would love the support and encouragement from everyone.
So a little background info first..
I've been recently diagnosed with hormonal problems and insulin resistance. I am 5'2 weighing in at around 140 lbs.
I've been trying to make better food choices.. I rarely ever eat any white or refined carbs. Veggies, fruit, and protein are my main foods. I can do great all day at work and at my own home. I spend every other day with my fiance and soon to be in-laws. They're italian and surely cook like an italian family. They're great.. I mean great people and I love them dearly but it's so hard to eat some what healthy over there.
Mother in law gets offended when her food isn't eaten. She seriously gets so upset about it. I try to only eat the meat she cooks with either broccoli or salad on the side. When she cooks meat she packs on the salt/seasonings and cheese. It's terribly delicious. When she makes the broccoli she adds butter or cheese..
I've tried talking to her about this and explained my diagnoses with the insulin resistance and she makes an effort but it is very short lived. Not to mention we eat dinner at 8:30 or later.. it's terrible.
I don't know what to do.. suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Joined: Sep 09
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 14:25
I am a firm on the fact that just because I cant have it does not mean you cant have it. I hate that attitude. I would just tell her, that you cant eat like that and you dont expect anyone to make special food for you. They are not the ones with the IR.. you want to be with them and share meal time.. you are going to bring your own dinner most nights and once in a while (say once a month) because her cooking is so good you will splurge and eat what they eat.. That still lets you eat with them.. and takes the month from every other night to one night a month where you dont have as much control over your dinner. HTH
Joined: Jun 12
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 15:00
She may be worried that you are not going to feed her son "right"...or that her son will "suffer" if he has to eat the way she sees you eat. When she sees you don't eat much of what she serves, or eat it very often, she may be feeling less secure in her vision of herself as a great cook. Whatever the reason, it appears to based more in emotion than reason.
Can you plan your visits to be at a time other than dinner? Or perhaps make them at dinner only once a week, or once a month. It sounds like you have tried to educate her about why you are doing this. Perhaps you need to persist in that as well. Tell her you want to be around for a very long time to love her son, and so you need to take extra care in what you eat. Tell her you wish you could eat so freely as she is able to, and you love her cooking, but sadly your body just can't handle much of those kinds of foods.
And then change the subject...to how wonderful her son is. How much you admire something about her. What is going on with wedding plans. Distract, and gently remind her why you are eating with them to begin with...because you love her son, and will be marrying him.
Good luck. Sounds like a tough one to negotiate.
A bad moment does not have to be a bad day, bad week, or a sign that you can't do this. It is a moment. Just that. Pause and go back to the person who really wants to be healthier and happier.
Joined: Jul 10
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 15:33
It sounds like your best solutions are moderation and communication.
On days where you know you'll be eating with them, you should plan for it. Have lighter, "cleaner" meals for the rest of the day to save room for what you'll be eating with them. When you eat their food, eat small portions of the stuff that's bad for you and larger portions of whatever is healthiest.
I would also sit down and have a very reassuring talk with her. Explain to her that while everything she cooks is delicious, your doctor has advised you to eat carefully for your health. It has nothing to do with your food, and everything to do with the way your body processes certain things. Tell her that you want to be with her son for a good long time, and that eating with restraint is one of the best ways to accomplish that. Focus your energy on helping her understand why you eat smaller amounts, not on having her change the way she cooks.
Joined: May 12
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 15:39
What about bringing a dish (or dishes) to share with your in-laws? Then practice portion control with the food she serves and fill up on the ones you can have. It will also be a good visual for her to help her understand your dietary needs.
My family loves food and is overflowing with "chefs," so I run into the same situation. For a while my aunt tried to make special food just for me (I'm diabetic & have been following an insulin-resistance diet), but it's easier on both of us to just pack my shirataki rice and a dietetic version of mashed potatoes (mine made of cauliflower).
There was a problem the first time I did that, though... everyone wanted to try my shirataki rice and "potatoes." I suppose it was a lesson on portion control for everyone that night!
Joined: Dec 11
Posted: 25 Jul 2012, 21:49
I am an Italian female and trust me I know what your going through. Being italian every meal is an event for us at least- family along with breads, cheeses, olives, tomatos w/ OO etc- those are starters then the pastas, meats, and of course we love the desserts too. I know how you feel- whenever I would go to my grandmothers house she would always want to feed me and of course I ate. Now as I got older my grandmother got sick and passed but whenever we visit my husbands grandmother (italian too) she just always starts taking out the food or cooking- and she will get offended if I don't eat. I just always say I already ate before I came.
Joined: Jul 12
Posted: 26 Jul 2012, 08:38
Thank you all for the suggestions. yduj.. you really made me look at this from a different perspective. I didn't take that into account. I will definitely be more "sensitive" to the topic and communicate more with her.
Joined: Oct 10
Posted: 26 Jul 2012, 11:00
I went through a similar situation with my mother in law when I was pregnant. I was working during my last trimester and she was visiting from overseas. She was cooking all the meals using a lot of salt. When I went to my Dr. visit after a week I had gained 6 pounds! He had a fit and asked me what had changed. I said my MIL was visiting and cooking all the meals and was very liberal with the salt shaker. He said I was in danger of developing toxemia, had to quit working (so sad I loved my job)and to tell her to cut down on the salt or make my own food. What a bummer. She was very offended at the idea that her meals were dangerous for me and begrudgingly cut back on the salt. What was worse was that I didn't get the full support of my husband. He was a real Mama's boy. The point of this is I hope that your fiance is supportive of you and your diet restrictions. On the days when it's tough for you to eat the right foods, his support can make a big difference. Stand up for yourself. If you don't, who will?
Joined: Mar 11
Posted: 26 Jul 2012, 11:12
Can you fiance talk to her also? Maybe she'll listen if he even has a one on one with her without you around about your condition just to let her know that you don't mean to offend her but you need to be healthy. Having his support in this may make things easier for you. I have stomach issues and there is no way I could wait until 8:30 to eat dinner, so I'd have something before hand and go enjoy the company while they eat dinner.
Moms are hard, and I honestly don't think she will ever not be offended that you don't eat all of her food, but you have to take a stand sometime and eventually she'll just get used to it. Once you guys have kids (if that's in your plan) she'll forget about what you're eating anyway.
Goal 3: 125 whenever I get there
Goal 2(restart): 130 by May 25th (2013 vacation)
Goal 1: 135 by May 24th (2012)~~~~Accomplished!
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