Negative friends and coworkers

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Joined: Jun 11
Posts: 2

Posted: 29 May 2012, 16:00
I need help maybe guidance not sure. Both my coworkers and friends are being negative and at times somewhat mean about my weight loss. I constantly hear....psst I don't know why your on a diet you don't need to lose weight. Ok listen....i put on 35 lbs over the winter after the 20 I put on last winter and never lost. Thats 55 extra pounds I didn't need!!! I have lost 20 and feel pretty dang good about it. I'm exercising and doing weight watchers. I don't preach to anyone nor do I really discuss my diet. If someone asks I wil talk about it but really its my thing for me. I don't understand the constant bad attitude I'm suddenly getting. The can't you just eat like everyone else, can't you just have ONE drink....uhhhh well I'm not having weight watchers food at my party just be normal for a day. Dang folks....I'm not asking you to eat grass (fyi weight watchers is a wonderful program that requires no grass consumptionWink or make special arrangements for me. But I don't need the attitude our pressure either. My so called girlfriend its the worst of all, she asked how much my staring weight was. I told her she said in a really disgusted tone....thats my goal weight whatever. What do I do??? Yesterday at memorial day so bad my husband said maybe I need a new group of friends. Any advice folks???? It would be super helpful.

Joined: Dec 10
Posts: 669

Posted: 29 May 2012, 16:45
It's your body, and you are the one that has to live in it. If you didn't start your weight loss for the benefit of the people giving you "advice," why would you stop or alter your diet for them?

It's one thing to change your opinion or behavior in response to empirical evidence. For example, if someone presents you with research showing that you are at risk for certain health problems because of the diet strategy you have chosen, then it might be wise to change. But if it's purely a matter of opinion ("you look fine already" ), remember they're not the ones stuck with the consequences of their advice.

I've stopped justifying any body recomposition to anyone else except myself and my physician. But when I was losing weight, I answered similar questions with something along the lines of, "I'm [running/exercising] more now, and getting rid of the remaining fat is helping my knees/joints/lower back a lot. My doctor agrees it's reducing the impact on those areas, and I'm feeling a lot better because of it." Nobody really argues with that, in my experience. Especially if you've been smaller in the past, this is both plausible and likely true. If all else fails, you can also tell them that you've heard them, you know how they feel about the issue, and you don't wish to discuss the subject any more.

It may also be that some of these people are legitimately concerned about eating disorders, and that's an issue that shouldn't be summarily dismissed - especially by anonymous strangers online. Having said that, based on your profile, your goal doesn't appear unreasonable on its face.

Best of luck to you.

Joined: May 11
Posts: 73

Posted: 29 May 2012, 17:44
That's some pretty disgusting behavior from other people, and is unfortunately common -- the root in my experience is either a.) jealousy or b.) feeling like you're saying THEY are fat which is common when someone only a little overweight starts dieting (which is of course silly since you should never wait until you're obese to address your weight).

I'd suggest just ignoring them and staying positive about making yourself more fit and healthy. They will either accept you working to make yourself better or they won't. If they keep it up, maybe it is time to find more supportive friends. Though I would suggest simply being straight with your friends and telling them this is something you think you need to do and that you don't appreciate them being down about it.

Of course, there could be some legit concern if they think you are headed into eating disorder territory but it doesn't look like that's the case -- unless of course you are a really tall woman =)

Joined: Feb 12
Posts: 64

Posted: 30 May 2012, 07:04
I know how you feel about people in your life that are not supportive. What do you do with them??? I have been very lucky with family support, but I have pulled back from some friends. Some of the folks that I pulled back from I have lost, but the majority after some talks are still in my life. Maybe we are not as close, at least though they understand this I need to do for me: not them.

As Fedaykin said most of their underlying issues were
1) Jealousy for my courage take charge of my life
2) Fear of being left "behind" since you are making yourself a better you
3) Anger because if you have the strength to do it, it points out their flaw (or fear) to really look at themselves and make changes.

So as you can see 99% of their negativity are all their issues. You are doing great and don't you quit. Your life will different as you do this. And you will loose some friends and make new ones that fit your new life. But it is all good. So keep kicking ass!

Joined: Jan 10
Posts: 26

Posted: 27 Jun 2012, 15:17
I am so glad i came across this because it is exactly what i have been going through, and its why i "fell off the wagon." i got tired of the negative and stopped WW for a few weeks. This is my 2nd week returning since memorial day! ive learned to say screw them!! they are just mad about how hot you'll be when you drop the weight!! lol

Joined: Jul 10
Posts: 35

Posted: 27 Jun 2012, 16:01
Just haters!! That's all that's to it. I have been told that I don't need to lose the weight but I have put on 45 lbs since high school and I'm 27. I have had 2 kids in that time frame too. But I want to lose 25 of the 45 and feel better about myself. My husband tells me not to get too consumed in the weight loss but he doesn't understand how hard it is to lose the weight and eat healthier. Especially when he drink pop all day long and eats the left side of a cow for lunch and the right for dinner and never gains a pound. lol So just hang in there. Think of the haters as motivation. They are proving that jealousy can be the best form of flattery.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. ~ Hebrews 12:11
Starting weight: 167 lbs
Goal Weight: 143 lbs
Completion Date: January 31, 2013

12/31/12 - 150 lbs
1/31/13 - 143 lbs



Joined: Jun 08
Posts: 333

Posted: 27 Jun 2012, 22:04
I think everyone experiences this. And sadly, its is usually the other person's insecurities that causes this behaviour, and it probably is not going to stop. I had a few coworkers that were rude enough to tell me that I had no right and that since they are older than me, I had to listen to them. I pointed out to them that I never asked for their opinion, and unless I develop an dangerous eating disorder or become less than 100lbs they are to mind their own business. It made things rough at work for a few days, but eventually they got over it.
"Of course its hard, if it were easy everyone would do it. Hard is what makes it great"
-League of Their Own

Joined: Aug 11
Posts: 298

Posted: 28 Jun 2012, 07:10
I can completely understand about the whole "why can't you eat normally, or why are you dieting? etc."
My responses are I'm not dieting I watch what I eat, and in order to feel healthy I choose to eat in a certain way.
For the negative comments made by some... take what they say with a grain of salt.. as long as you know what you are doing is best for you and makes you happy, I personally would not care what others say.

Joined: Feb 11
Posts: 44

Posted: 29 Jun 2012, 13:41
That's why I keep to myself when it comes to people in the real world. I learned long ago not to trust my family to be supportive. My husband likes to discuss his weight loss and tell his family all about it. Me, I keep to myself. I talk about it with my hubby but that's it. No one knows I'm even trying to lose weight or that's I've lost much. The last time I talked about it was probably a few months ago. I do better by myself.
~ One day at a time. Every pound lost is a pound that will never return. ~


Joined: Sep 10
Posts: 22

Posted: 29 Jun 2012, 14:16
Any time you get duff from your friends - come to Fat Secret. We understand. We will be here to suport you because most of us have gone through the same kinds of hurtful comments. Your digital "friends" at Fat Secret are your friends too! Much Love & Respect!

Joined: Feb 11
Posts: 59

Posted: 29 Jun 2012, 14:43
I have a confession to make. I used to be one of those people who made the odd remark about my husbands weight-loss. I didnt mind him doing it, but I got annoyed and frustrated with how he wouldn't sit down and eat a meal with guests etc. He would make what seemed like silly choices like eating low fat everything then grabbing a bag of chips cause he was hungry etc. It was not my place but I thought his chest area was looking very skinny and it scared me. So I tried to get him to eat more protein. But now I am on my own weight loss mission and I have been able to help him balance out his own diet issues while being sensitive to the foods that make him gain weight and together we are both finding a balance.

Dieting inevitably causes a certain amount of alienation because you get invited out to barbeque's and different things and when you have company over you have to cook for their needs to a certain degree. People dont want to hear "no I cant meet you at boston pizza I have to go for a run" and your not readily available to just do whatever they want when they ask you to. But I guess that is true with ANY major change in your lifestyle. People hate change, its out of their control. Pick your common ground with the people you consider your friends, and limit your contact with them to fit into that context... if you find that means you hardly spend any time with them then maybe thats how it has to be... people change and move on.

Part of being strong enough to loose the weight is being strong enough to stand up to the adversity and create a new life that fits you. If that means letting go of people who no longer contribute to your overall wellbeing then so be it.

Also, if those co-workers had met you when you were at your goal weight... what would they say about you? They would probably just find something else to talk about behind your back.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter!

Dr. Seuss
Where there is a will, there is a way!

Joined: Jan 12
Posts: 37

Posted: 29 Jun 2012, 21:09
Keep your sense of humor. Try real hard not to take these others seriously. You know, there's a trick that ladies sometimes use in bars so they don't have to drink too much alcohol. They arrange with the bartender or their server to bring them tomato juice or soda and pretend that it's alcoholic. Then they take an age to drink the thing. Similar tricks can be used to put off eating, if you're being nagged. Like, you have to go to your mother's and she makes you eat. Keep up your cheerful countenance and fast for the love of God. Get your mother to invite you over if your conscience requires.

Joined: May 12
Posts: 1

Posted: 04 Jul 2012, 13:11
Stay focused and on track. Do what you have to do for YOU. It sounds like jealousy and that you are doing what they are not able to do for themselves. Through my journey I have had to learn who is "safe" and who isnt. Recently at a women's CHURCH event, the leader of the event was overheard talking bad about me to her friend. The event included a lunch and I brought my own food. Why they cared so much I have no idea. It didn't seem to bother anyone else. By bringing my own food, I controlled what I ate and the portions. I was not tempted to go back for seconds or indulge in the provided desserts. Stay strong. Be proud of what you have accomplished.

Joined: Apr 12
Posts: 4

Posted: 04 Jul 2012, 15:44
I actually had my best friend not say ANYTHING about my 40# weight loss. And yes, other people do notice. What the he@@! What a bitc@! I was very hurt, then I told myself she feels inferior!?.... Haven not talked to her since...about 3 months. What do I do?

Joined: Aug 10
Posts: 235

Posted: 05 Jul 2012, 15:21
Bluethistle, is this friend someone you see frequently (as in every day or weekly)? I know the people I see all the time didn't really say much as I was losing weight because I lost my weight slowly over time. But I recently went to a wedding and saw people I hadn't seen since winter and they all raved over how much weight I had lost. I actually hadn't lost that much weight since I had seen them last, but in their minds they had the picture of me from a year or more ago when I was at my heaviest. So comparing that to how I look now, there is definitely a big difference. But for the people who see you frequently, it may not be as obvious.

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