I have not been doing well. I tried to get back on program when I got back from the beach but never really did. I did for a while, actually lost what I had gain, but now have gained some of it back. I guess I could have done worse so I'm not going to beat myself up. Yesterday, my daughter and I went to Monticello. It was extremely hot. We walked from the visitors center to the house. It was uphill. I felt like I was going to pass out. It made me think alot. There was a time, even when I was not at my healthiest weight, but about 40 lbs less than I am now, when I used to go hiking in the Shenandoah. It used to take hills pretty easily. My daughter got really nervous and stressed watchig me struggle. I know it scares her. The thought that something will happen to me because I'm not taking care of myself. So, I getting back on Fatsecret because it's the only time I'm successful. It makes me accountable to myself, if no one else. I hate feeling so awful. I know it depresses me, and then I eat to make myself feel better, only to feel worse. We all know the story. We all share it.

I got off track, mostly by not recording my meals and not measuring (even though on SB you don't have to). I did a lot of thinking today, admitting to myself that I was deliberating not recording and measuring because I didn't want to see it in print. I didn't eat anything no on SB, just more than I would have eaten if I was recording it. I know this behavior would slowly get me further and further away from SB. So today, I started weighing and recording again. I really want to get to a healthy weight and I have a long, slow way to go.

I have been setting personal mini challenges for myself. I started out at 215 lbs. That's way too much on a 5'0 frame. So, along with faithfully keeping my food journal, I have been setting mini weigh in challenges in increments. First, trying to get to 210, then 205, then under 200. I'm not changing my eating plan, not starving myself, just following SB program to the best of my ability. But I'm not thinking about the 60 or 70 lbs I have to loose. It's too much to think about at one time. So I do little challenges. I'm at 198 now. I'm going to the beach with my daughter and grandkids on June 19th. I would love to be close to 190; but I'll set it at under 195; much more reasonable. The goal here is slow and steady. We all must remember that. We can't be in the crash diet mentality that I am sure most of us have been in throughout our lives.

Does anyone has nutrional information on the Cheesecake fatory's Herb-Crusted Salmon?

I have been so diligent staying on program. I didn't let the baklava I ate earlier in the week get me of course. That is such a change from the way I used to view missteps. One thing I have noticed is not having enough fiber in my program. So I am adding more legumes. We are supposed to have a minimum of 25 grams a day. I have been way below that except for the days I've eaten black or red beans. Especially since I love them. Add some fresh salsa and I'm good to go.

Another way to cook them after soaking all night is in a pressure cooker. You can get small ones now. They're easy to use, not as scary as they used to be. You can add spices or whatever else you like. Lentils is another bean that is very quick cooking and you don't even have to soak them.

I'm back on track. Thank goodness I gave the rest of the baklava to my daughter. Obviously I have no will power when it comes to that. I walked today too. Too work from the metro and from work to the metro. It's not far, about 25-30 minutes total. But it's so positive. And finally, sunshine.

I really did awful today. It's all because of that Baklava my girlfriend gave us when she was visiting. She came first on Tuesday evening. I gave in a had some. I think it was 5 or 6. But then my daughter hid them away until my other daughter came by to take them home. Well, my girlfriend came over again today, and me knowing the the Baklava was going her with my daughter, I ate too many. I put down six but it may have been more. The old me would have given up at that point, but instead I wrote it into my food journal, fessed up to it, didn't do what I would have done in the past...say I screwed up and just go back to my old way of eating. This time, along with actually logging it, I made dinner of chicken breast and asparagus. Yes, there's way too many calories, but at this I'm facing my miss steps with more honesty. So, back to staying on program.

I do not want to discourage anyone trying to loose weight because I've been trying for years. I even tried Atkins, which did work for a while. But, as most "diets" going off, you gain it back and then some. But more importantly, I would seriously check with a doctor before doing Atkins. I have been advised by more than one doctor against it. Most serious advice came from my surgeon who had removed one cancerous kidney. He warned me against doing Atkins because of the damage it causes the kidneys, and now, especially since I only have one, I didn't want to risk that.

I haven't been here in over a year. Look at my picture. That is the real me. I have never put my picture up anywhere. I hate it. It's hard to say that. I don't hate me though. That's good. I know that over eating is a symptom of something deeper. I'm not entirely sure of what it is but I have a good feeling what I'm hiding from. I want to change. Almost three years ago, I went on South Beach and lost 35 lbs. I was still a good 40 lbs away from my goal weight but I was looking and feeling so good. Even sexy. And that's what scares me. It brings back memories of a time when I was young and attractive. And some of those memories are not so good. I know like many women who experienced abuse find it easier to hide behind a fat, unattractive body. I want to get past that. If there is anyone out there who has those feelings, please share with me. Maybe we can help each other. I don't want to look this way anymore. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life.

I've gotten off track. Not totally, but I haven't been recording my meals or journaling. I've been not adhereing to SB 100%, more like 85%. Just putting it out there. I'm not giving up. I'll get back on track.

Does anyone know why my photo doesn't transfer to my journal entries?

I think most of us eat for all the wrong reasons. And I know I rarely ate because I was hungry. And I bet that's the case with most people here, at least it was. The only times I ever felt hungry were when I was busy doing something and simply forgot about eating. Then I'd get this jittery feeling and would feel like I was going to pass out. I don't know if that's what real hunger feels like, but I certainly felt my body was saying something. I'm finding now that I don't eat as much. I have actually taken food home from lunch to have for dinner. My biggest challenges are eating more vegetables and making sure to eat snacks.

Around the World Challenge: Around the World in 42 Days Challenge: Start weight: 215 Week 1: 209 Week 2: Week 3: Week 4: Week 5: Week 6: Total Lost:

http://www.calorieking.com You can get nutritional information about various restaurants for example: http://www.calorieking.com/foo... Rudy Tuesday's.

I found a good website that gives some healthy options for Phase I of South Beach. Cut and paste...and you shall see. http://hubpages.com/search/sou...

I got some help to change my screen name from smbolivar to MalaMala from fatsecret staff. Mala is what my grandson calls me. How he came up with it, I don't know. But it's cute. It actually means bad in Spanish. My daughter swears she didn't give it to him.

Thanks KellyBo, I started thinking perhaps it's not such a good thing to use my last name. But I guess I'm stuck. Thanks for checking. Sandy

Does anyone know if there's a way to change my screen name?

Welcome LadyBug, South Beach and this site is the best. I'm starting South Beach again. I was on it about three years ago and was doing great until I totally stopped. Which was stupid. You can follow how we are all doing by just reading through the sight. Good luck!!!